Grief is mourning the loss of life, but the gain of memories

Grief is the end of one chapter and the start of another

Grief is the loss of a loved one but the gain of knowing what love truly is…

Grief is the pain of living in the present whilst wanting to live in the past

Grief is knowing what is important and wishing that you had known before…

Grief is personal, individual, yet universal. 

Grief is fear of the past, present and future

Grief is crying when you have run out of tears

Would love to hear your comments…

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Post from: Widows Quest

I asked yesterday to Let’s Support a Military Widow who is struggling with her emotions. A oouple of comments made me think

• Feelings are what separates us from machine. Feelings make us human.
• Feelings should be cherished and not feared….it is a sign that we are a living human being.
• Feelings are negative only when we see them as negative. If we believe we are depressed then we are…if we see our depression as part of the grief process and learn to start seeing what we can do and what we have rather than what we can’t and what we have lost…then we can start moving forward.
• Feelings are universal…we all feel….we should never feel ashamed of crying in public as it is a sign of our strength not a weakness. I say a strength because we recognise our feelings and are not ashamed to show our pain

I am not going to fear the feelings any more, I will embrace them as part of me. I want to be a   whole human being that feels all the range of emotions – that will make me stronger and a better human being.

After all if we embrace the fear doesn’t the fear go away?

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Post from: Widows Quest

Tired of fighting the pain, tired of concentrating on the future, tired of “trying” to be happy. I seem to be dragging myself around the house, around work….everything seems like hard work.  

I  have bought myself some vitamins, gone to bed earlier, allowed myself to ease off a little at work (as much as possible!) but still the body needs to be recharged.

So I am looking for your help…how do you recharge? A holiday is out at the moment because of money…so what suggestions would you make when crying seems the only option?

Post from: Widows Quest

We often fight back the tears, we are often ashamed of our crying…yet the world sees tears as a sign if being a true human being…..tears are not wrong, tears do not show weakness, they show our strength to be a human being…..

Whether they worked for Hillary or not, they work when you are grieving as an emotional outlet for your pain. Never be afraid of crying, never be afraid of being perceived as weak…..the world will understand.

Post from: Widows Quest

2= 2 continue to find ways of creating value in other people’s lives. I want to ask each person that I meet one question “What can I do for you that will bring value to your world?” Then deliver it…

0= 0 regrets. Death shows you that regrets are stupid, you can do nothing about them. If you make a mistake, apologise and move on…if you want to tell someone how you feel, do it before it is too late. As widows we know that life is not lived backwards, it is lived forwards.

0= 0 times when I give myself a hard time for crying or times when I struggle to cope. I am human, I am not perfect. There will be times when I struggle and that is OK, simply because it shows that I still care and that I am human. It is not frailty, it is humanity.

8 = 8 letters that I will say again – I LOVE YOU. Grief is still raw, pain of bereavement still sore but I know that those 8 letters will pass my lips again one day because I am beginning to allow myself to live again….

Post from: Widows Quest

• Balance of coping with letting our emotions out and losing control emotionally
• Balance of remembering and not letting go.
• Balance of not forgetting the past but learning to look to the future.
• Balance of being grateful for having loved with the anger at losing the love of your life.
• Balance of crying with pain and smiling to show that life goes on.
• Balance of honouring the memory and allowing ourselves to feel love again.

There are many other balances like talking to friends but understanding that you cannot talk endlessly…the reason I talk about balance is that there will be times when the balance is not right…that is ok, as long as you learn to recognise it or have   friends that can help you regain that balance.

In fact when you think of all the emotional issues that you are trying to balance it is no wonder that one will occasionally become unbalanced. Just like the seesaw you need to either push yourself back up or release some weight of worry. However, just like a seesaw for each low remember there will be another high….

Post from: Widows Quest

Yet, I can’t….never have been able to and I am so jealous of people who can release their pain through shedding a few tears.

I know I will come through it…I know that tomorrow or the day after, I will find that strength to see the good, to   see the wonder of life…but for today my body is saying “No, I don’t want to….” Sometimes you just have to listen to your body and give it time to refuel on that inner strength. That doesn’t mean that I am stupid, doesn’t mean that I am not moving forward, to me it just shows that I am human, a human being with emotions.

I share this to show even after time, even for a positive person like me…there will be times when you feel you cannot cope. The emphasis there is on “feel” because I know and you know that I will, and because you know and I know that YOU will cope to…..

Post from: Widows Quest

I am going to exercise today as I find the more exercise I do, the more that emotion seems to subside. It   also gives me a chance to talk to myself. Today I feel lost, feel lonely, surplus to requirements to the whole world, that I try and ensure every body else is OK but no one checks back on me….I know feeling selfish today, aren’t I!

I know in reality that I do bring something to this world, I do have people who love me…I just need to concentrate on reducing the gap between how I am feeling and what the true reality is…

Post from: Widows Quest

 

1) Talk more about how I really feel to the people who love me.

2) Be honest about the problems

3) Accept that I am not “superwoman”  – I am human and I sometimes need to cope.

Post from: Widows Quest

It was part of my New Year resolution to help others, and a big thank you for the feedback

Post from: Widows Quest