When Dad died I was devastated and still am….we had a strange relationship in many ways. We were so similar and yet found it difficult later in life to connect. I still don’t understand why….

Fortunately at the end of his life - he died of dementia - we became close and we both managed to say those three little words to each other. Families are strange aren’t they…..now he isn’t he, I miss him soooo very much.

Anyway it will be his birthday on August 12th and I wanted to do something that honours his memory. He loved people, he loved to share, he was the champion for the underdog. So I was thinking that on 12 August I will bring together stories or memorials of other people who have lost people, they loved.

To this end if you want to join in the email me at anna@b5media.com with either

• A story that makes you smile of someone you have lost
• A dedication for someone you loved and lost
• A poem inspired by your grief
• Or a link to an article that you have written about the death or grief over a loved one

So that I have time to pull them together could you get them to me by 10 August 2008. 

Let’s make that day special and show the power of love, the power of sharing and the power of memories…. 

{iStockphoto}

Happiness for widows sometimes feel so far apart. Then you see the stories of how people have gone on to have a fulfilling life and you can see that a death of a loved one is hard - no doubt - but it really doesn’t have to remove any chance of happiness from our lives.

I read this quote from David Myers who is the Professor of Psychology at Hope College in a new book which is about bouncing back from failure

“Happiness seems less a matter of getting what we want than wanting what we have”

When you think of how that relates to bereavement, it is so true.

• We have lost someone special however we have gained through falling in love.
• We have lost a partner, a friend, a family member but we have the memories.
• We have lost the chance of doing things together, and gained the chance to put our own dreams and aims at the forefront.
•  We have felt huge pain, but gained a great humanity through that pain.

What do you miss….and what have you gained? Which do you concentrate your thoughts upon?

Death has made me think about life - how the death of a loved one affects you

• They die..you live
• Cuddles disappear but love stays in your heart
• Their presence has gone but the memories live on forever
• They may not be in the house but they will remain in your soul
• Your rock may not be here but your steel will see you through
• Death may bring loss however love brought huge gains
• In death you value life 

Is it just me but does grief make you see the contradictions - after all death parts two people however it brings you closer to the real meaning of love

{iStockphoto}

When you are left alone after the death of a loved one, you feel alone…so alone. You feel weakened in some way as though you just cannot live without them. Of course this is wrong but it is feels like the truth.

The truth is that we have the power inside of us to not only live but to thrive and also find a new, different happiness - one that we value highly because we understand the depth of emotional depression.

So how do we release that power inside?  This is my humble attempt at finding the power within

• Understand that the power lies within you. Your happiness is down to you..not events, not other people, not fate…it is your decision whether you are happy or not.
• Start each day with a positive thought or goal that you want to achieve each day.
• To change behaviour then you need to change your thinking.
• It is only when you are unhappy with being unhappy that you will find the motivation to change.
• Remember life is about personal growth. It is not what happens to you it is how you bounce back from life’s events that matter.
• Set time for reflection. Reflect on what you really want to do, when you feel the happiest, that life is a journey not a destination.
• Finding happiness is not about large, quick fix schemes. It is about making small steps each day.
• Face reality. In facing reality understand you cannot change what has happened only how you respond.

Of course all this sounds easy…and I know it isn’t! However, today think about the power that lies within you, that you are in control of releasing that power….happiness is there for you, waiting until you and your heart is ready.