Grief plays with our emotions. Cindy, one of our Widows Quest regular commenters, yesterday felt angry, felt depressed and I felt so sorry for her because I know that feeling. Anger rises when you feel out of control. I feel angry when I want to change what happened, when I think about what a great man he was and how death seems to take the good ones, when I don’t know how I will pay next months bills, when I want to feel happy and I just don’t…

So what do I do to cope with the anger

1. I allow myself to be angry. Anger is a sign of grief. It is a sign that I am going through the grief cycle.
2. I talk to friends who understand that grief and who understand that I need to be angry.
3. I then put on some music that makes me smile, I sing at the top of my voice and just the upbeat music lightens the mood.

Now step 3 won’t work for all but in essence I think we cope with grief if we accept the anger, allow the anger out and then find something that takes the anger away, something that makes us smile……Cindy hope you are feeling better today.

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Warning…deep post but in a thinking not depressed sense

At the funeral today of the wonderful Lucy, I sat in the pew pondering what really is the point of life?

We are born, wishing our time away until we can be a grown up and do grown up things

We leave home and have to work to pay for basic needs

We then have families which need our time

We then start losing the people around us

We then stop working and look forward to retirement…and so often we die!

We seem to spend all our lives believing that enjoyment is just round the corner ?

So it begs the question when do we truly live! I can think of moments, I can think of days but I am not sure that I have ever put the enjoyment of life at the centre of my world or the world of those around me.

How sad is that…..how can we ensure that the only celebration of life is NOT at our funeral. Maybe it is just because I feel that sense of loss today, maybe I am fighting for that meaning to my world, maybe it is because I never truly feel anything but an outsider, maybe it is a combination….

Maybe I just need to start living….

The more I listen to people, the more that times passes I wonder why we term the bereavement process - a grief cycle? Shouldn’t it be the grief rollercoaster?

There is no clear path to recovery, I jump all over the place…one day fine, the other depressed. I even feel sick at times just like a rollercoaster ride.

Maybe this is just me but from now on I think I will see my journey through grief as a rollercoaster….and remember a rollercoaster ride can be exhilarating and there are days when I am so proud of what I achieved that even that emotion consumes me.

I received a heart wrenching email yesterday, from a reader who just couldn’t face the world. She finished the email saying that I couldn’t know how she felt…..

That is true, none of us can know how someone else is feeling. However, I believe that hope is much better than despair. Let me tell you a true story.

Her heart was breaking, her grief was overwhelming her. She couldn’t face life without him. She spent a week tidying her house, setting her finances straight, seeing her friends….then went and bought her tablets and her drink which was finally going to make her happy…and take her to him. She drove into the countryside and swallowed quickly, she couldn’t wait to get to him. As she saw the sky disappear she suddenly realised that she was going to die….she suddenly realised how much she really did value life. Was it too late?

Fortunately a stranger came by that car and she was rushed to hospital….she recovered slowly and as she strengthened she realised how precious life was, how she didn’t want to die, she just had to learn how to live again. She didn’t know how, but one thing she did know was that she had been given a second chance and she was going to find a way…..not a day has gone by without her thinking

• How much she misses him
• How much she loves her family and friends
• And, how much she values life

So when you think there is no hope, just remember that if we give in there is no hope……however, if we continue to fight there is always hope.

How do I know all this to be true, how do I know that living is a gift….well, the person above was me. I know the feeling but I tell you, not one day goes by that I am not grateful to that stranger…..even when my heart is breaking and I feel like giving up.

If you are that lonely, that depressed then tell us all, let us all be there for you….. just like that stranger was for me….

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Grief causes all kind of emotional stress and all sorts of different emotions to flow through your body - anger, sadness, depression, crying, apathy, numbness, loneliness….

I asked yesterday to Let’s Support a Military Widow who is struggling with her emotions. A oouple of comments made me think

• Feelings are what separates us from machine. Feelings make us human.
• Feelings should be cherished and not feared….it is a sign that we are a living human being.
• Feelings are negative only when we see them as negative. If we believe we are depressed then we are…if we see our depression as part of the grief process and learn to start seeing what we can do and what we have rather than what we can’t and what we have lost…then we can start moving forward.
• Feelings are universal…we all feel….we should never feel ashamed of crying in public as it is a sign of our strength not a weakness. I say a strength because we recognise our feelings and are not ashamed to show our pain

I am not going to fear the feelings any more, I will embrace them as part of me. I want to be a   whole human being that feels all the range of emotions - that will make me stronger and a better human being.

After all if we embrace the fear doesn’t the fear go away?

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When  we are depressed, when we are lonely this affects our emotions. If you catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror you can see you round shoulders, you may be slumping or looking down. Our body language will represent our feelings.

The opposite is true. So if we think about that then we can help our emotions by

• Smiling
• Standing up tall

Literally a smile can induce physiological changes in our body - including our heart rate etc

It may sound hard - one way I do that is recalling or talking about great memories of your loved one. This induces happier emotions. I also look at old photo’s and listen to music. But understanding our body language we can help improve the way that we feel.

Has anyone tried that?

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Here we are at the start of a new week and as always we take a look at articles that will help us overcome our grief and depression.

Metaliphe presents Sad or Depressed? posted at Chandra Unplugged - No nonsense, Straight-up blogging from a Life Coach, saying, “Are you really depressed or are you just sad? If you’ve been told you’re depressed but just feel really sad, learn the difference between clinical depression and normal sadness.”

Charles H. Green presents How to Increase Trust by Getting Off Your “S” posted at Trusted Advisor Associates, saying, “Self-orientation can be the biggest obstacle to happiness and good relations with others, because when you start thinking of other people first, you tend to do the right thing instinctively.”

Chris Edgar presents What Have You Got To “Show For” Your Life? posted at Purpose Power Coaching, saying, “The conventional wisdom that we need something to “show” for everything we do assumes we can only improve our lives by acquiring more material things and relationships. It neglects our ability to feel more fulfilled and complete by changing the way we experience the world — how we think and feel about the events of our lives.”

Emore Ogho presents The Secret posted at Emog.

Shirley presents Humor is great medicine. posted at Brighter Days for you and me!, saying, “During all the chaos, fear, uncertainty and confusion, I seemed to have temporarily lost all the humor skills I gained over the past few years. Only after becoming completely frazzled, did my humor button seem to start working again. You know how sometimes you laugh so hard you cry? Well, sometimes you get so worn out and overwhelmed that the least little joke will having you laughing like a loon.”

Neelakantha presents Relax: 50+ Simple 30-Second Ways to Bring Tranquility To Your Life posted at Online Nursing Degree Directory.

Gary Evans presents Love Music? Listen To Music That Loves You posted at Good To Feel Good.

Nancy Hayssen presents What Drains Your Soul? posted at “Sexy at ANY Size!”.

Louise Manning presents Quotes about dignity posted at The Human Imprint.

Shamelle presents 8 Stress-Busting, Spirit Lifting, Body-Boosting Ideas To Brighten Your Day With Music posted at Enhance Life.

David B. Bohl presents Personal Development Defined posted at Slow Down Fast Today!, saying, “Personal development is simply the act of enjoying your life and of being in control of it. You learn to make decisions every day that guide you towards achieving a set of goals or values, and remaining motivated to achieve your goals.”

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our
carnival submission form.

Each Sunday I post articles that will help us through our grief process and help us find a happiness that we may not feel at the moment is possible. Here are this weeks articles

Matthew Spears presents The flame of blame posted at Loving Awareness, saying, “By assigning responsibility to anyone or anything for a given result, you are assigning blame. It is the need to look for a cause for an experience that is the major factor in blame. So if you want to let go of the blaming process, you must let go of a need to assign responsibility.”

hkalchemy presents Effortless Abundance | Making your dreams come true posted at Effortless Wealth and Abundance.

David B. Bohl presents Who Are You? 4 Steps For Getting Back to Your Individuality posted at Slow Down Fast Today!, saying, “Our lives are defined by our choices. But often, the choices we make don’t appear at the time to be the important crossroads that they later turn out to have been.”

Edith presents Who are we? posted at Edith Yeung.Com: Dream. Think. Act..

Jirel presents From today I will posted at Positive and Successful Life Style tips.

Heather Johnson presents 7 Ways to Think More Positively | SKORCAREER posted at SKORCAREER.

ananga presents 5 Ways to Hold on to Your Energy posted at Ananga Sivyer’s Living by Design Blog.

Shaheen Lakhan presents Are You Depressed Because You?re Introverted? posted at GNIF Brain Blogger, saying, “Happiness and depression are inheritable and there are genetic links to certain personality traits. Those who are extroverted, open, agreeable and conscientious are more likely to be happy. Those with opposing traits — introversion, disagreeability and neuroticism — are more likely to be depressed.”

Chris Edgar presents How To Put “Negative Emotions” In Perspective posted at Purpose Power Coaching, saying, “We’re taught to reject or avoid certain feelings we label “negative,” but ultimately our emotions are neither good nor bad — they’re just energy we experience in our bodies. I take the reader through an exercise to help them remove the labels from the sensations they’ve been avoiding, and help them achieve inner peace around those feelings.”

Metaliphe presents Are You Grieving? posted at Chandra Unplugged - No nonsense, Straight-up blogging from a Life Coach, saying, “Are you grieving over the loss of a loved one? Whether you are around friends, family, acquaintances, or strangers, understand that grieving is a natural and normal part of life. If you are grieving and are having trouble being with others, here are a few ways to better deal with your loss.”

Frederic Premji presents How To Do Anything Properly posted at BlogMotivation.com, saying, “Great article that discusses how you should approach anything that you do.”

SJ Yee presents 101 Affirmations You Can Start Using Today! posted at Personal Development for the Book Smart, saying, “A great compilation of affirmations you can use in all areas of your life.”

Scott.Goolsby presents Nature and Spirit posted at Unapologetic Genius, saying, “Connecting with Self through nature.”

David B. Bohl presents Walking With Persephone posted at Slow Down Fast Today!, saying, “Life is very much like the cycles of Persephone’s life. We experience periods of great joy and fulfillment, only to suffer a loss and be cast into the depths of hell.”

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our
carnival submission form.

After not feeling too well this week, I am definitely in the mood for articles that will help me get back on track with my life. So here is this weeks blog carnival on positive thinking

Dr. Neill Neill presents Facing a Possible Death in the Family: Surviving the Emotional Roller Coaster Ride and Making Room for Healing posted at Practical Psychology for Capable People, saying, “A year and a half ago I lost a son to cancer. About three weeks ago I lost another son, this time to heart failure following personal neglect while abusing drugs. I wrote this article while he was in hospital.”

Dr. Neill Neill presents Facing the Death of a Son posted at Practical Psychology for Capable People, saying, “I wrote this article three weeks after my son died. I leave shortly for his memorial service on April 28.”

GP presents Meditation in Cathedrals of our Own posted at Innstyle Montana- Come on Inn, saying, “Being out in nature in the outdoors gives one the chance for meditation in “cathedrals of our own”"

Joel Chue presents How to Create a Self Hypnosis Recording posted at SELF HYPNOSIS: Weight Loss, Quit Smoking Self Hypnosis!.

Dr. Joe Capista presents Why can’t I achieve my goals? posted at The Success Triangle, saying, “If you want what you say you do, you have to set goals. It’s not that difficult and the results will amaze you. Get a blank book. On each page write down your goals in a specific category and date it.
Not only should you write your goals down, you must review them morning and night. Write your primary goals on a 3 x 5 card to make the review time more targeted. Doing this will keep you on target with what you want.”

MCA presents Health Effects Of Caffeine | My Caffeine Addiction posted at Caffeine Addiction, saying, “If you are not aware of the health effects of caffeine, you should learn about them before you pour that next cup of coffee.”

GreatManagement presents “I’ll Start Tomorrow” posted at The GreatManagement Blog, saying, ““I am struggling to make progress to meet my goals. How do you suggest I make the right progress?””

Gary Evans presents Law of Attraction 101 posted at Good To Feel Good.

gia combs-ramirez presents How to Immediately Eliminate the Effects of Stress posted at The Science of Energy Healing, saying, “With a simple technique you can immediately lower your blood pressure, improve your immune system, release endorphins, and become more positive. And it’s fun!”

Frederic Premji presents 9 Effective Ways To Get Out Of A Rut posted at BlogMotivation.com, saying, “Great article about simple methods to get back on track :)”

Chris Edgar presents Defending Our “Loserhood” With All We’ve Got posted at Purpose Power Coaching, saying, “It seems there’s no idea people will defend more fiercely than the notion that they aren’t good enough human beings. Why do we defend ourselves against giving up these painful thoughts? I’ve come to believe it’s because, consciously or otherwise, we see these ideas as part of who we are. We need these ideas, we think, to be complete human beings—losing them would be like losing some part of our bodies. In this article, I provide some exercises you can use to detach yourself from these thoughts and draw nearer to inner peace.”

Charles H. Green presents What’s Your Trust Quotient? posted at Trusted Advisor Associates, saying, “Do others trust you? Should they? Take the trust test, find out, and learn how to become even more trustworthy.”

A Girl presents Going off SSRI’s posted at A Girl Smiles, saying, “I’m just starting a blog about going off antidepressants, and how to stay happy without them.”

Alex Blackwell presents The Secret to Life in One Sentence or Less posted at The Next 45 Years.

Scott.Goolsby presents Limiting Beliefs Are So Last Year! posted at Unapologetic Genius, saying, “Overcoming limiting beliefs.”

Metaliphe presents Sad or Depressed? posted at Chandra Unplugged - No nonsense, Straight-up blogging from a Life Coach, saying, “Are you really depressed or are you just sad? If you’ve been told you’re depressed but just feel really sad, learn the difference between clinical depression and normal sadness.”

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our
carnival submission form.

Coping with grief is hard as we all know. Over the weekend I got a comment from Shine on Do you ever feel tired of fighting grief, so I wanted to try and reach out this fellow widow. Here are some thoughts from me but I would love your thoughts to help this blog reader as well as they say “I feel very depressed right now and overwelmed with taking care of my children with no help. I feel like I go through cycles of this mood. Does anyone else ?”

• Understand that the feelings are natural and accept that the feelings will not go away in the short term. There is no instant fix, however you can learn to manage the emotions until you are through the grief cycle.
• Set yourself 3 goals each day. Even simple things like clear the washing basket! At the end of the day, tick off your achievements so that you can feel that you are coping.
• Talk to friends, family about how you are feeling…try and choose people that will not sympathise, but empathise. People who will reach out and help on a practical level.
• Write a list of what you feel you cannot cope with at the moment. Then think of a friend who may be able to support you. So if it is your taxes for the year…is there a friend who can do that for you?
• I know you have children however, it is important that you have some “you” time. Maybe take a 20 minute walk   each day, just so that you don’t have people needing your attention. This I see as healing time.
• Is there a bereavement group that you could go to for support in your area?
• Try and spend time together as a family, do things that make the children smile…maybe go bowling, or to a park…a children’s smile is so invigorating  

What I find is that there are no 10 things that you can suggest, it is personal to you. What you do need to think about is creating time for you to think and cope, socialising so that you are feeding off the strength of others and also giving yourself small goals to take to get you through the next few months. Once you start showing yourself you can cope…then you love forward