I write this post not to make everyone miserable! I write this post to show that as much as I try and write in a positive way, as much as I try and write to help widows and widowers…even I …yes little old me have those days when NOTHING seems to matter!

It started last night, I don’t know why but depression fell over my body. I realised it was coming and yet I just couldn’t motivate myself to stop it from happening.

Depression - that feeling that there is nothing to hold on to, that feeling of being alone, that feeling that you are tired of fighting the feeling…just grabs hold. The worst part is that there is no one there to hold you, to hold you tight and tell you that they believe in you.

I tend to be one of those friends who people tell their problems to, which means that I understand how they are feeling and don’t want to burden them with my feelings. After all the last thing I want to hear is that “You are just having a bad day”, “It will all be OK tomorrow” etc

I am also a person who wants to cope, a person who wants to show the world that I can cope…no matter the financial worries or the feeling of emptiness.

So what can I do? Well the first thing is to write it down - blogging is a great way to accept the feeling. The second is to allow myself to feel that way, most days I fight it, most days I put on the brave face….my heart and brain is just saying “Look I need to recharge”

The final thing for me is to break the silence in the house. I am naturally a bit of a hermit! So even if i feel like getting into my grief bunker, I realise I must keep the human voice present. I put on the radio, I listen to podcasts, I watch the TV…trying to watch the more uplifting items rather than ones which will depress me more.

You know, as widows and widowers we are brave little beings…some days though we need to allow our hearts to be fragile as it doesn’t show weakeness it shows humanity….

Yesterday I posted about how to start moving forward through grief by giving ourselves some targets. It was great to see that is helped Leslie  - a major contributor to this community, but I thought I would now add how I make sure that the words don’t stay on a piece of paper - how I “try” and put them into action each day.

1. I put my goals on post it notes and spread them around the house -  the bathroom mirror, the fridge door etc. This means that the dreams are constantly in my eye line and that they help me to stay positive.
2. I put my legacy as my screensaver on my PC.
3. I have put my goals into my diary….I have spread them throughout the year.
4. Near to the goals I have put photo’s up which show me happy, laughing. I have deliberately chosen photos which are just me….to remind me of the feeling of being happy.
5. I have asked my best friend to email me regularly to ask me how I am doing against the goals. I think the fact that I have shared them means that they are more real.

Bereavement is hard, and we have to find ways of replacing the depression with happy thoughts…this is how I do it….do any of you do anything similar?

As always Sunday is about sharing articles which will help us think more positively through our grief. Here is this weeks carnival of positive thinking
!– Carnival Submission –>

Mina Irfan presents Why Hitting Rock Bottom is the Best Thing That Happened to Me posted at The Universe Guru, saying, “I understand that times are tough out there – and it’s difficult to appreciate all this when you might be right in the middle of great despair. Just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel – and one day soon you will be looking back – knowing that you made it. And that you always had it in you. Better start now.”

Anna presents A Roz Between Two Oars posted at The Engaging Brand

ChristianPF presents Purpose + Passion = Performance posted at Money in the Bible | Christian Personal Finance Blog, saying, “The keys to success in life are passion and purpose. When you have both, the impossible becomes possible…”

Bruno Vigneault presents The benefits of giving from the heart. posted at How To Make A Miracle Happen.

Nesher presents Main Causes of Depression posted at Clinical Depression: Symptoms and Treatment.

Erin Pavlina presents The Relationship Between Happiness and Beliefs posted at Erin Pavlina’s Blog, saying, “Do your beliefs make you happy? Do you currently have beliefs that are leading to a happy life? Do you wake up every morning happy and grateful for the life you have?”

Nina presents Discover How to Live Your Life with Passion and Purpose posted at Metaphysical Teachers, saying, “Living your life with intense purpose renews your passion for life and enables you to be the best you can be. It strengthens your self-confidence and, best of all, brings self-fulfillment. Find your purpose today, and give it all you’ve got!”

Chris_SS presents When People Say “How’s It Going?”, “What’s Up?” or “What’s New?” posted at How to have more social success.

John Anyasor presents On the Act of Giving Up posted at Living the HiLife2B (in college), saying, “When faced with the opportunity to give up, pass it by before your dreams pass you by.”

Aparna presents Sleeping for long hours is not good for health posted at Beauty and Personality Grooming.

Paula Kawal presents Contracting or Expanding Your Mode of Focus posted at Journey Inward Productions, saying, “Yesterday nature sent some chaos into our lives in the form of our first good wind storm of the year. As we watched it howl we wondered if trees were coming down, whether or not the power would stay on and what effect all of these possibilities might have on the evenings commitments.”

Warren presents Strengths and Weaknesses posted at GenerallyThinking.com, saying, “People have weaknesses. I have weaknesses, you have weaknesses, even James Bond had one weakness (women). Here’s what to do about it (you that is, not James Bond).”

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our carnival submission form.

Grief is draining and we need to feed our souls with positive messages and thinking that will help us through our bereavement. Each Sunday I collect articles to help us find a path to happiness.

Srinivas Rao presents 5 Simple tips for Starting the Personal Development Journey posted at The Skool of Life.

Warren presents Strengths and Weaknesses posted at GenerallyThinking.com, saying, “People have weaknesses. I have weaknesses, you have weaknesses, even James Bond had one weakness (women). Here’s what to do about it.”

Lucky Balaraman presents When I Called God with a Complaint posted at Calm and Cool.

ChristianPF presents Purpose + Passion = Performance posted at Money in the Bible | Christian Personal Finance Blog, saying, “The keys to success in life are passion and purpose. When you have both, the impossible becomes possible…”

Bruno Vigneault presents The benefits of giving from the heart. posted at How To Make A Miracle Happen.

Nesher presents Main Causes of Depression posted at Clinical Depression: Symptoms and Treatment.

Erin Pavlina presents The Relationship Between Happiness and Beliefs posted at Erin Pavlina’s Blog, saying, “Do your beliefs make you happy? Do you currently have beliefs that are leading to a happy life? Do you wake up every morning happy and grateful for the life you have?”

Brain Blogger presents What is Free Will? posted at Brain Blogger, saying, “This post continues my discussion of free will and determinism in neuroscience. I believe addressing free will and determinism allows us to understand the underlying theories and implications of neuroscience and social science research as well as the practical application of that research.”

Nina presents Discover How to Live Your Life with Passion and Purpose posted at Metaphysical Teachers, saying, “Living your life with intense purpose renews your passion for life and enables you to be the best you can be. It strengthens your self-confidence and, best of all, brings self-fulfillment. Find your purpose today, and give it all you’ve got!”

Chris_SS presents When People Say “How’s It Going?”, “What’s Up?” or “What’s New?” posted at How to have more social success.

Michael Miles presents Feeling good and the Law of Attraction posted at Effortless Wealth and Abundance.

John Anyasor presents On the Act of Giving Up posted at Living the HiLife2B (in college), saying, “When faced with the opportunity to give up, pass it by before your dreams pass you by.”

Aparna presents Sleeping for long hours is not good for health posted at Beauty and Personality Grooming.

Paula Kawal presents Contracting or Expanding Your Mode of Focus posted at Journey Inward Productions, saying, “Yesterday nature sent some chaos into our lives in the form of our first good wind storm of the year. As we watched it howl we wondered if trees were coming down, whether or not the power would stay on and what effect all of these possibilities might have on the evenings commitments.”

Mina Irfan presents Why Hitting Rock Bottom is the Best Thing That Happened to Me posted at The Universe Guru, saying, “I understand that times are tough out there – and it’s difficult to appreciate all this when you might be right in the middle of great despair. Just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel – and one day soon you will be looking back – knowing that you made it. And that you always had it in you. Better start now.”

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our carnival submission form.

As always here are the articles that will help us face our week and help us through our grief. I hope they help you or inspire you to see a more positive tomorrow

Kaushik Chokshi presents Recovery from Anxiety and Depression posted at Beyond Karma, saying, “What depression feels like, and how to recover through awareness and release.”

Pella Verbati presents Treating a Client with Low Self-Esteem posted at Novice Counselor’s blog

Aparna presents Sense of humor-tips to regain it posted at Beauty and Personality Grooming, saying, “Our sense of humor abandons us right when we need it the most- on a really bad day. We seem to associate growing up with “getting serious”. Sometimes we suppress our laughter simply because we are afraid of what others will think of us. Our funny bone gets broken. Here are some suggestions for repairing your sense of humor and regaining healthy laughter”

Donald Latumahina presents 6 Roles That Increase Your Value posted at Life Optimizer.

Celes presents Why Disappointment Is Good posted at EmbraceLiving.Net, saying, “Ever been disappointed before? When’s the last time you were disappointed? This is a 4-parter series that shares why disappointment is actually good, how to tell if you are dealing with disappointment in a destructive manner and how you can overcome it.”

Ricky Wijaya presents Simple Steps to Make Cheerful Day posted at Chapters of My life, saying, “Simple guide to make joyful and cheerful day”

cody butler presents Personal Development Success posted at Dream Life Coaching Blog. Ask your questions., saying, “Article detailing the basic principles of personal development success.”

Vincent presents Are You Using The 80/20 Principle In Your Life? posted at Hit Your Goals, saying, “Use the 80/20 rule to help you achieve more in life.”

Lana Kravtsova presents One Question You Need to Ask Yourself That Will Make All of Your Dreams Come True. posted at Dream Followers.

Jim DeSantis presents Have Fun Unleashing Your Latent Creativity posted at Unleashing Creativity at On Line Tribune, saying, “You have some great ideas. You toss them around in your mind. You tell friends about them. They go nowhere. Why? They go nowhere because of what your friends said or because you have the misconception that only a select few are able to unleash a steady flow of creative genius. And, you, of course, couldn’t be one of that select group. That is not true at all.”

Shannon presents Thankful Thursday - Foodbank Fun posted at The Daily Balance, saying, “Shares how Volunteering is good for the body and soul. Shares personal experience.”

Mike King presents 8 Steps for Acting on Inspiration posted at Learn This, saying, “Make your life and attitude more positive by learning to act on what inspires you!”

Stacey T Pollock presents Choice of Perception is the Key to Happiness posted at Creation Theory Revised Blog, saying, “It is no secret that the way a person views life will essentially bring to them what they want to experience. If a person has an interest in cars they will automatically be drawn to looking at cars on the road, car magazines, advertisements, books, internet sites and anything to do with their interest in life. It is through interest that we find the things we want to experience in life and the key to this is perception and choice.”

Burak Bilgin presents Realize Your Vision posted at Distiller’s Corner, saying, “A vision is an ultimate goal, an idea that is worth devoting your life to. We don’t need a reason to live, but living without a vision, without a purpose is nothing but a bare existence.”

Relax presents The art of taking risk posted at The Wise Curve, saying, “mastering the art of taking risk will bring you one step closer to success in your career, study, relationship, investment, and many more areas in your life.”

Nicholas Powiull presents Closing the Gap Between Where You Are & Where You Desire to Be posted at Conscious Flex, saying, “Rather you choose to think it or not, life was designed to help you achieve any desire you want. When you are not aligned with your desire, your negative feelings will tell you. Negative feelings are a guidance to help you realize that you are tuning-in to other channels that will not lead to your desire.”

Marcus Smith presents Knowledge Murders Nervousness posted at MarcusASmith.com.

Brad Trnavsky presents SMART Goals and You posted at Sales Management 2.0 Podcast, saying, “The key to achieving whatever you want in your career, business or life is to set goals that are SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely. How can you use these five qualities to create goals that will accelerate your sales efforts? Once your goals are set, how can you stay motivated to see them through to completion? This episode will help you do all this and more.”

Brain Blogger presents Changing the Error of Our Ways posted at Brain Blogger, saying, “We all have bad habits. I don’t sleep nearly enough, and by mid-afternoon I’m a basket case without an infusion of chocolate. I know I should probably sleep more and avoid sweets; in fact, I’ve known this for several years, but I’ve never felt motivated to change my ways. This human tendency has beleaguered health care professionals for ages: how do we motivate individuals to change their behaviors? Two recent studies may give us some ideas.”

Paula Kawal presents Depression: A Spiritual Awakening posted at Journey Inward Productions, saying, “Like many people (it might even be safe to say most people) I haven’t gotten this far in life without traversing a few bouts of depression. My first was in late childhood, my second was in my teen years and my third was alcohol related in my early twenties.”

Will Edwards presents How Positive Thinking Works posted at Inspiration, saying, “If you have never before heard of the Pygmalion Effect you may be in for a bit of a surprise. It is the principle that underpins the whole idea of positive thinking. Simply put, it is that people always tend to realise their expectations about themselves; or, in the succinct words of Henry Ford, whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. In this article, we’ll consider why this is the case.”

Pat Evans presents True Happiness - 7 Tips To Experience More Joy In Your Life posted at Lifes Instructions.

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our carnival submission form.

I was reading about Jack Tweed who is the husband of reality TV star Jade Goody who at the age of 27 lost her fight against cancer this week. According to reports he is struggling to be alone in his grief.

There is a fine line between enjoying solitude and feeling the depth of loneliness.I know the importance of checking whether you are using the solitude to hide from life, to hide from the hurt of grief. I know how sometimes it is easier to dissolve into a world of solitude…rather than having to join the world again. But beware that the solitude can become loneliness and loneliness can become depression…..

I have always been the kind of person who is happy to be alone. I have never been lonely when I am alone. In fact I feel in grief I am lonelier when I am in a crowd - because that is when I miss him the most.

Yet other people cannot stand being alone in their grief. This just shows how different we all are and how coping with grief is personal to us all.

Are you a person who seeks solitude or someone who fights off loneliness?

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I know that this will sound strange for someone who writes a blog on grief but I am very insular, very shy about talking about emotions. I think that is why blogging works for me. I never feel as though I am sharing my emotions, maybe it is the barrier of the computer screen.

It means that I never - or rarely - ever tell my friends how I am feeling. I am always ‘fine’ because I don’t want to be one of those people who always seem to be downloading. This last fortnight has been tough for me which has led to some erratic blogging….and my friends are also suffering at the moment so I felt as though I had to deal with my emotions myself. The other day a friend called in and she needed a hug.

The funny thing is that in hugging her and feeling that friendship helped me….the hug helped me. It just made me think how reaching out to others can help you with your depression.

about what Adele Brookman once said

“Use your imagination not to scare yourself to death but to inspire yourself to life.”

Our minds are so powerful and can lead us to depression during our grief, however our mind is the same tool that will inspire us to happiness.

I know that one of our readers had an anniversary yesterday and it would be great to know how she but here are my thoughts

1. Allow yourself to mourn. That may take different forms but if you want to cry then let yourself cry. We are trying to be strong and rebuild our lives and we are allowed to feel the pain of someone dying.
2. I try not to be alone as much as I want to be, I know that it will cause depression so I make sure that either a close friend comes round or I visit my mum.
3. When I am with people I talk about memories, I allow those memories to ‘come alive’ as a way of remembrance.
4. I always wear one of his jumpers - sounds silly but allows me to feel close to him.
5. I visit our special place and just sit and talk to him about our family and friends, about how I am coping, about memories that we had together….
6. I do one thing that he would be proud of….he loved surprising people so I may ring someone I haven’t spoken to for a while or visit an elderly neighbour…something that brings some joy and then say “That ones for you!”
7. I have put on to my iPod a collection of our favourite songs…sometimes this makes me cry but somehow it helps as well.

How about you ? How do you spend your day?

Well done to all of us, we are through another week and a step nearer to finding our feet again after our grief. As always on a Sunday here are some articles that can help with our depression and our feeling of loss

Relax presents “Bad people” are everywhere, maybe not! posted at The Wise Curve, saying, “You can live on the wise curve if you choose to improve your soft skills and interact with others positively. It’s also good to learn to tolerate all kinds of people and accept that people are diverse”

GP presents New Years Resolutions for Keeps posted at Manely Montana, saying, “New years resolutions for keeps”

Stephen Martile presents Should you Visualize in the 1st or 3rd person? posted at FreedomEducation.ca by Stephen Martile, saying, “What do you think? Should you Visualize in the 1st or 3rd person? Both methods are valuable and helpful for different reasons - but if you use the wrong method at the wrong time, you’ll be well into your next lifetime before you manifest what you want.”

Toni presents 2009: Your year is what YOU make it to be posted at Wifely Steps, saying, “My life’s guide for 2009.”

Aparna presents Your personal bill of rights posted at Beauty and Personality Grooming, saying, “This thought-provoking personal bill of rights that every woman should be aware of was forwarded to me by an old friend. Go over it again and again and let it be etched deep in your memory.

MY PERSONAL BILL OF RIGHTS

I have the right to make my own choices.
I have the right to follow my own values and standards,
as long as I am not abusive towards others.
I have a right to dignity and respect.”

Broderick Allen presents Suspend Disbelief posted at Broderick Allen - Personal Growth and Enjoying Life’s Journey.

Dr Martin Russell presents Serious Illness And Trauma - Support For The Carers posted at Dr Martin W. Russell, saying, “I saw a story on TV about a guy who is now a sit-down/stand-up comedian, professional speaker, and the first paraplegic skydiver in Australasia.”

Chris Edgar presents Let Go Of Responsibility For Your Ideas posted at Purpose Power Coaching, saying, “One of the most liberating realizations I’ve had in my life is that I’m not responsible for my ideas. In other words, I can do very little to make myself become creative, except for keeping my mind open to receiving insights, and writing them down as they come up. In this post, I’ll talk about how I came to this perspective, and how it can give us more peace and productivity in our work.”

Wally Bock presents How to get better posted at Momentor.

Jeremy J. Ulmer presents How to be your best, Don’t hold back posted at Sales Coaching | Business Coaching | Life Coaching, saying, “Thank you”

Robert Hazlewood presents So How Does One Become Fufilled posted at Ways to Survive Life.

Fiona King presents 101 Ways to Live More Spiritually and Purposefully, Everyday posted at Christian Colleges.

Daylle Deanna Schwartz presents Law of Attraction in Action: Negative News posted at Lessons from a Recovering DoorMat, saying, “Though the economy is creating a negative environment, you can keep your own little corner of the world positive.”

ChristianPF presents
>The pray without ceasing experiment posted at Money in the Bible | Christian Personal Finance Blog, saying, “Adding more prayer to our lives is always a good thing!”

Naren Ghimire presents Meditation: The Ultimate Transformation posted at Spiritual Pub, saying, “Meditation is simply a process – a process of spiritual growth that will ultimately lead you to the supreme consciousness. This article offers some important steps and invaluable insights while proceeding into meditation.”

Ariel Bravy presents It’s Impossible To Truly Be Unworthy posted at You Are Truly Loved, saying, “My goodness… you’re so wonderful.”

Great Management presents Why Traditional Goal Setting Doesn’t Work posted at Great Management, saying, “If you have a $100,000,000.00 in the bank, drive the new Jaguar, look like a movie star and have a perfect health - save yourself some time and do not read this article. This article is for people, who don’t have all these things…”

Erin Pavlina presents The Inner Workings of a Mastermind Group posted at Erin Pavlina’s Blog, saying, “Since I think Mastermind Groups are a wonderful tool for personal growth and connection, I’d like to share some of the details about how my group works which will help you form and run your own group.”

Silicon Valley Blogger presents Stuck In A Rut? How Change Does a Mind and Body Good posted at The Digerati Life, saying, “Thank you!”

Felix presents Are You a Dreamer? posted at Fulfilled Dreams, saying, “Dreamers have always been the saviors of the world. People, going through tough times, are feeding on the dreamers’ vision. To want means to obtain. To have aspirations means to achieve them…”

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our
carnival submission form.