Waiting to die or

Waiting to live?

I always assumed death was the most fearful, after all once it happens who truly knows. That fear of the unknown I am sure has brought Nana back from the edge at least twice this week.

But then you look at the life of a widow or widower after bereavement. That lack of acceptance means that we don’t move on, living is as fearful to the survivor as often death can be to the dying.

In both situations the fear is based on the unknown – though I accept with faith this may not be true. But as I sit here now I realise that as long as it remains unknown…the fear will be there….if we take one step at a time to remove the unknown, well then the fear will eventually be engulfed through confidence and enjoyment

The question we need to ask is

‘Do we really want people to see us as waiting to live then waiting to die…or dying to live!’

Post from: Widows Quest

For someone who knows the devastation of death, I just cannot imagine what these familes go through. What they go through when they are alive fighting on the front line and what they go through when they hear that fateful news…..

I don’t think I could cope with the not knowing, the fear, the loss….and I just wanted to write somewhere to say…

I cannot ever imagine your pain, I cannot imagine what it is like losing someone through war and fighting for the democracy of others. I cannot imagine how I can help you, but know this….my thoughts, my prayers are with you all. There is not one day that I don’t think about the pain….it is true that these soldiers will never be forgotten.

Post from: Widows Quest

The reason why I like reading is that the more understand, the more I come to terms with the natural side of death. The more I understand the less I fear, the less I fear the more that I can cope with the idea of death.

Maybe for some people it is better not to know, but I have never been any different. I inherited from my Dad this sense of curiousity, this sense of wanting to understand how things work and almost an insatiable desire to learn. Maybe this site will help you, like it has helped me, to come to terms with the unknown.

Post from: Widows Quest

Last night I was watching Desperate Housewives and Edie died. She said something that stayed with me

“Its not hard to die when you know you have lived”

The reason why is that it reminded me of Dad dying. He said on his third to last day when I asked him if he had any regrets

“Why would I ? I have lived the most wonderful life, had the most wonderful family – when I go to sleep I will have so many memories to keep me warm.”

Maybe we should not fear death, we should fear not living?

[istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

I can remember feelings, I can remember places, I can remember events and yet I cannot remember his face. The only memory that I have is that of him dying in the hospital, it is as though my mind has blocked out any other memories I have….I thought with time they would return and yet no….they remain elusive.

At first I hated it, I wanted to remember the smile, the face, they eyes….and now I wonder whether it is a good thing? The fact that I remember the experiences brings back great memories, the fact that I cannot remember his face means that I, in a way, don’t see him which would make me hurt more.

I sometimes wonder whether I am the only person who has this memory block ? Am I doing it subconciously to block out pain or the pain of grief? Or am I losing out on those wonderful pictures of the mind?

Would love your thoughts…

Post from: Widows Quest

I smiled at a quote on the site from C.S.Lewis

Oh, gosh how I know that feeling, how at times I just want to be invisible instead of facing the embarrassed stranger who wants to help and yet just doesn’t know what to say or do….mind you with time, I suppose I have realized that part of it is reaching out and helping them.

Post from: Widows Quest

I don’t mean it in a harsh way but to try and get me seeing a future….most of them are silly and made me smile as he would probably drawn up the same list for me!The irony is that most of these are also what I miss the most…how does that work?

1. Less bathroom cleaning!
2. No more horror/adventure films – I am back to good old stories.
3. No more snoring
4. No more dirty cups left around the house
5. Mo more hoarding of old papers
6. I clean when I want to – there is only me to please!
7. I can stay in my pj’s all Saturday and not feel guilty that I am being lazy.
8. No more muddy footprints on the carpet

Now I have written them down I realise that do you know what I miss is the fact he was not perfect and that he was human….

Post from: Widows Quest

1. “Simultaneous brain scanning revealed that the pain of being socially rejected was processed in much the same way in the brain as physical pain.” 
2. “Physical pain warns us not to do something, walk on a broken ankle for instance. And emotional pain too can be a warning – “don’t go near that sort of man again”, “avoid women like her”.But sometimes physical pain can become chronic, long outlasting its original purpose, and emotional pain is the same.”
3. But can we die from a broken heart? 

   Martin Cowie is professor of cardiology at the Brompton Hospital. He is very sure of the answer: “Yes, we can.”There is an increased risk of dying in the six months after bereavement and it’s particularly marked amongst men.”

People who haven’t suffered grief, struggle to understand the complexities of the feelings. They also don’t understand how bereavement is not a matter of hours, days  or weeks…it is part of you for life.

You see at Widows Quest what we all need to realise is that if we don’t help each other,  listen to each other and learn to live through the grief then we are putting ourselves in danger.

[istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

•  Saying he wanted to go, asking us to let him go. Giving us hope that death released him from pain.
• Though unconscious, smiling when we touched him- he knew the difference between family and nurses.
• Asking us for our commitment to look after mum – it was like passing on his role, giving us something to hang on to and live up to…..

You know, with Dad he died quickly of dementia- within 80 days of diagnosis. The doctors were surprised by his rapid decline – even held a post mortam, I wasn’t though…Dad was a very poud man who loved my mum so much. He wanted to go quickly, he didn’t want my mum to suffer or be a burden to anyone. His early death, I believe was truly his final act of love.I hated losing him, though mum said that we had lost him much earlier than when he took that final breath and she was right. I have a tear thinking of him now, Dad if you can access the internet from your resting place…I love you, I miss you every day of my life xxx 

[istockphoto] 

Post from: Widows Quest

“For many people, the worst thing about dying is that you’ll never get to see your loved ones again, or eat another steak, or gaze upon another sunrise. For others, however, it’s that you never got to tell your boss he was a prat.

Enter Justincaseidie.com. in just a few clicks, you can save a message that will only be sent to it’s intended recipient if you die. Well…almost. It will actually only be sent if you fail to log back in to the system within the timeframe that you set..”

 At first I thought this was a wonderful idea, now I am not sure…what do you think? I kept thinking how weird if the message came out just simply because you haven’t logged back in, or how it would feel to receive such a message? As much as I like the initial idea, I now wonder whether it is a a great..idea but not great in practice..wonder what you think or whether any of you have used the service?

Post from: Widows Quest