I went to see Mum again this weekend and something struck me – how incredible photo’s are.
In Mum’s kitchen there is a photo of Dad when he was a toddler, I picked it up and couldn’t believe it when it was the same facial expression, same posture in a photo that Dad took of me many years ago. The photo showed me two things
1) How incredible that a camera can look at someone and ensure that for years ahead people can see what the camera saw all these years ago. Photo’s capture a time, photo’s even capture emotion in a …read more

Grief although such a natural emotion – one that will happen to all of us at some time during our life -  it can cause such unnatural emotions and changes to our bodies and minds.
It is strange, grief feels uncontrollable and yet if we let grief control us, then we can potentially rot inside our soul.
I believe that we need to allow the grief to flow….but that is us allowing ourselves so we are in control!….then we need to find the strength to turn the grief into positive change. If we let go emotionally and let grief take hold then …read more

On a recent blog post Emotional Pain and Hurt, I told the story of how grief overwhelmed me and how I was given a second chance at life. I thought long and hard before I wrote that blog post because that is a private story of my bereavement that I haven’t wanted to tell before…it was too raw, too painful.
I told it because of the widow who wrote to me not knowing how to cope with her loss. I hoped to help her….and yet, in a way I think I helped my own grief. That story has been buried deep …read more

Over the last few days I have just wanted to sleep – not great when you are trying to work! When I get home I curl up on the sofa and grab a couple of hours and then look forward to going to bed. There was a time I couldn’t sleep now I cannot get enough sleep.
At first I fought the feeling now I  have decided to listen to my body…if it wants to sleep then I am going to give it sleep. I think one thing we need to do is to learn that our body has a wonderful …read more

I urge you to read the comment that Jackie left to Grief Brings Loneliness but I am Never Alone, it touched my heart and I will never see a rainbow in the same light.
I so wish that I had received a sign that he is OK. The only emotion that I ever had was returning to the house on the night he died. I was driving and when I pulled into the house, I started to shiver. I felt a fear that was overpowering. It was like a bad ghost was inside the house, I couldn’t go in. I stood …read more

What a tough weekend, I feel as though I have been on a rollercoaster of emotion. Though not that many ups..just twists and downs really
One thing that I have had to learn is that when those feelings hit you  – and almost surprise you  – then you need to reach out for help. It is not a weakness it is a sign of strength that you know that you need help.
I phoned a friend who could not solve my issues or my worries but what they could do is make me feel needed…what they could do was move …read more

If you are reading Widows Quest, you know the meaning of heartfelt pain. Pain hurts but the more I think about the real meaning of pain – I think that it is there for a reason.

It is there because we felt the true meaning of love. Would I have given up the chance to feel love…No. Pain is a sign that I have loved. I am lucky.
Pain can help us understand more about the world and more about ourselves. Without pain would we learn to be compassionate?
Pain is not a punishment, I like to think of it as a …read more

Grief is a strange emotion, and as time goes by I realise how hard it is…
G = Grief is something that needs work, we need to understand that although time helps…it is only when we use that time to cope with our feelings that we start to come through it.
R = Remember death happens to us all during our life. We are not unique, we are normal.
I = I now realise that the way through grief is not by looking back but by looking forward. You will never lose the memories but remember the future has new ones that can …read more

I was reading an article that said that for a human effective support system you need
25% self support
20% partner support
55% support from outside the home
This is important. Often when a crisis hits us, we try and cope by ourself. This is not the best support. When you lose a loved one, you lose 20% of your support system and that needs to be relaced. This 20% needs to be shared between yourself and support from outside home through groups, friends, family. Of course, your emotional survivial needs your commitment to your health but don’t ignore the friends of others to …read more