• Because I need to find my own personality again, you are no longer the same person, the one in the couple. You are invisible, because in some way you are invisible to you? 
• At home when the tears flow and no one in the world can see the pain I feel. After those first few weeks, I understand how people forget, or want you to move on as they are drained from the emotional support they have given you, however it can feel the loneliest time for your grief.
• Out and about when people talk in couples, as though a single person is somehow odd…
• In supermarkets, when everything feels made for a couple or a family

Are you the same as me, that when you want to be invisible to hide away with your feelings – then you seem to be very visible to the world! When you need the love of others or acceptance, that is when you seem invisible? 

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Post from: Widows Quest

What you really need though, are friends that empathise not sympathise. Friends who will listen attentively and the help you take action to pull yourself out of the depression.

It may feel better speaking to the former, but the latter are the ones that you need, the ones that are there to really help you. I love all my friends but the real “diamonds” are the ones that keep the light burning at the end of the tunnel.

Post from: Widows Quest

Doing something is hard, but it is better than the downward spiral which is easier but hurts even more.

So I get my coat on and I walk around the block, I listen to podcasts, I think about one thing that I could do when I get home that would give me a feeling of having achieved something, be it cleaning, writing some letters, writing my blog etc When I get in, I always feel brighter – sure the heart still hurts but I feel more alive. I then crack on with the task….I guarantee doing something is always better.

Post from: Widows Quest

I always wonder what would have happened if I had listened to my thoughts, the words of doctors…would I have gone on and bceome a succesful golfer and played 3 other sports to county level?

I didn’t give in to the negative thoughts…a trait which to the love of my life was an extremely attractive one….I talked back to my thoughts and found a way of coming through this trauma. I cannot say it was easy, I cannot say I didn’t cry, I cannot say I wasn’t afraid but somehow I found the strength to believe in myself and my “bouncebackability”. I know you have it inside you too……

Post from: Widows Quest

Post from: Widows Quest

 What this did was tire me out and made me feel more tired. Before I went to bed I had a small nightcap and a cup of hot chocolate and found that it helped me sleep. How do you sleep? Can you offer any suggestions to others?

Post from: Widows Quest

One thing that I have realised is that life is far too short…and dreams must be lived now thats why I have set my own 10 dreams that I want to enact now. Life is about now, you don’t get a second chance….

Post from: Widows Quest

• Family. You know what grief is like, your family love you and they want you to come through….as they don’t want to lose you.
• Spouse. They would not want you to give up, they would want you to remember them but they love you…they want you to find happiness.
• Children. They are the embodiment of love between you and your spouse, your role is to bring them through to adult life.
• What would it achieve? Giving up won’t achieve anything, it won’t bring them back. Nothing will.
• I felt that we had made many dreams together, I drew up the list of what we wanted to achieve and decided that I would honour his memory by making our dreams reality.

Anyone want to add to the reasons….so we can help others?

Post from: Widows Quest

Tiffany – there is no magical solution, I wish there was! A couple of thoughts I would share with you are

• Read my posts on the grief cycle so that you understand the process of grief. What you are feeling is natural and you have to allow yourself to grieve….this takes as long as it takes, and can be different for each person.
• We have all felt that our life is over, but life does go on and we can find happiness after that wonderful word….TIME. Read these stories of hope

A tale of hope and survival

My mum starts a fitness group at 76

A lesson from Demi Moore

How to beat Depression

• One thing that helped me was realising that I was spending the time try to work out why, why did this happen, why does life do this to good people etc…then my friend said “There is no logic, stop trying to solve the an insoluble question. Concentrate on taking action and thinking about what you can solve” She was right, I started to think about how to make a memorial, how to feel better, how to restart my life. The answer to all of those was to value myself and realise that I had to drag myself out to see friends, make myself live and smile again, look after my appearance. This was hard but I knew deep down that if I didn’t then I was letting his memory down – he wouldn’t have wanted me to suffer, grieve yes but not suffer.
• Taking one step at a time is the only way. Believe me you will come through, there are many examples around you of people who have learned to live again. Give yourself time, surrond yourself with friends, force yourself to do something every day……then each day it becomes a little easier.

I wish I had a magic potion, but it takes work and a great deal of crying! Keep talking to us Tiffany and telling us how you feel…..let us get you through. Also watch out for the Positive Thinking Carnival each week – normally a Sunday but this week it will be Wednesday.

Post from: Widows Quest

My nan once said to me “Don’t let yourself go, he is there watching you…you don’t want him to go off you!” This prompted me, and once I finish I look in the mirror and say “There, what do you think…..does this suit me” Just like I used to…and I smile….

Post from: Widows Quest