I came home tonight in very strong winds and horizontal rain. I was wrapped up with several layers, waterproof coats and walking boots. As I came through the front door, I was hit by the peace and the warmth of the house….I was home.
I sat down and had a wonderfully hot coffee and smiled. As widows or widowers we would never have gone out in todays weather in summer clothes, we know that we need to protect our body. We wouldn’t feel guilty about protecting ourselves from the natural storms…so why do we feel less of a person when we …read more

I was lucky that growing up, I never minded exams. For me they were a test of nerve, a test of your knowledge, a test of your mental strength. As the children around me get their latest exam results, I wonder whether grief is the ultimate exam to pass or fail?
E = Emotional strength. Can you understand and learn to live with the new emotions that flow through your body?
X = Cross to bear – how do you cope with being a widow/widower? How do you cope with ticking that box on a form, how do you cope with the …read more

Guilt is destructive to our minds. Guilt is something that can erode our self confidence and our ability to live a normal happy life. I understand how guilt occurs with widows and widowers through regret, mistakes…however we need to understand what is causing the guilt and then work on the underlying reasons.
G =Give yourself an emotional break! You are human, you make mistakes…unfortunately our imperfection causes us pain however in our imperfection lies our “humanness”
U = Understand that if the guilt is over someone who has died, there is little practical things we can do. Concentrate not on what went …read more

I received an email from someone who is speaking at a funeral this week and wanted my tips on how to cope with the stress and pressure whilst you are grieving. I thought I would share the speaking tips

I concentrated on seeing this as speaking on his behalf, this was not about me or my nerves this   was about speaking on behalf of my loved one. This gave me the strength to do it…I wanted to”do him proud”
I wrote the speech straight from the heart, I thought about what he would want me to say and wrote it as …read more

I always struggle in January, coming from a place when January is one of the coldest months and darkest days…it seems dark and dismal. The dark nights lead me to shut   myself away from the world early doors and that can lead to sadness or loneliness.
If you are the same it is important that we do keep ourselves from hiding away from the world. It may seem an easy option, it may seem that we want to…but isolating ourselves only leads to depression in my experience. So if you like me are fighting that feeling of loneliness and heartache …read more