Gosh that sounds the most obvious sentence to write! But before understanding the true emotion of losing someone dear, I think despite my romantic, soppy nature…I hid my emotions. In some way I was frightened of them, if that makes sense?
I noticed the change only last week when I left my wonderful mum after our holiday together…my heart felt so full of love and I didn’t want to leave her…I wanted to pick her up in my pocket and bring her home. I felt tears in my eyes, I felt as though I was going to crumble….this was  I am …read more

I know that this will sound strange for someone who writes a blog on grief but I am very insular, very shy about talking about emotions. I think that is why blogging works for me. I never feel as though I am sharing my emotions, maybe it is the barrier of the computer screen.
It means that I never – or rarely – ever tell my friends how I am feeling. I am always ‘fine’ because I don’t want to be one of those people who always seem to be downloading. This last fortnight has been tough for me which has …read more

I realised that some of the post was missing from The Mixed Emotions of Grief which I have corrected – call it mid life crisis! But for those of you who missed it then here are the love and hate emotions that I feel – am I alone?
I love the fact we found each other
I hate the fact you were torn away
I love the fact that I got to feel real love
I hate the fact I long for that love again
I love the fact he came into my life
I hate the fact he left my life
I love my life
I hate …read more

For the first week of the New Year here are the articles of hope..

Erin Pavlina presents Choosing Our Emotions posted at Erin Pavlina’s Blog, saying, “A short while ago I was tucking my daughter in to bed, and as I was heading out of her room I noticed to my horror that she had used a red ink pen to gouge her full name into her brand new white dresser. Not something you can wash away, the wood was gouged deeply.”

David B Bohl presents Your End-of-Year Personal Inventory: 6 Signs You May Need an Accountability Partner posted at Slow …read more

When  we are depressed, when we are lonely this affects our emotions. If you catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror you can see you round shoulders, you may be slumping or looking down. Our body language will represent our feelings.
The opposite is true. So if we think about that then we can help our emotions by

Smiling
Standing up tall

Literally a smile can induce physiological changes in our body – including our heart rate etc
It may sound hard – one way I do that is recalling or talking about great memories of your loved one. This induces happier emotions. I …read more

It is my best friends birthday this week, tomorrow I am going to a party and although I want to be there, the stronger feeling is that I want to stay in and be by myself.
Grief can make you insular, grief can make you feel guilty about enjoying yourself. Yet it is that company of friends that will help you through the grief cycle. I have been talking to myself saying

This is about your friends, not me. They want me to go and they have been so supportive, this is a small way of giving back to our friendship.
Grieving does …read more

The BBC’s Victoria Derbyshire has an article about How have you coped with the loss of a loved one? in which people tell their emotional journey’s. Oh reading about others losses is so heart wrenching. One thing that seems to unite us all is the value of human love, human empathy from our friends…
“It was the same with our friends and relatives. One friend flew from Australia upon hearing of Ed’s death, another lent us her cleaning lady. Many more cooked meals, did our shopping and invited us …read more

I have been thinking lately about life, amazing how you look at life in a different way when you witness a death of a human being. I am coming to the conclusion that everyone is driven by something – fear, guilt, anger or the need to be loved.
Bereavement affects how you view and indeed live life. It can be guilt over the loss of your loved one, it   may be fear of coping in the future, it may be anger at someone dying, it may be that loss of feeling loved. I think it is important that we think …read more

In 4 days time it is the anniversary of my dad’s passing….this week mum, who has done so well in overcoming her grief, gave us a scare. Mum passed out at a restaurant and we had to call an ambulance…she is OK now, still a little groggy but back home.
It made me realise how fragile we are, how fragile our strength is…suddenly my emotions went from feeling proud of her…to feeling scared that I would lose her. Isn’t that part of grief, these large swings   in our emotional strength.
I know that instead of using that fear to worry, I …read more

We have suffered a heart wrenching change in our life..loss has to be one of the most difficult emotions- even when it is the loss of a relationship rather than an actual person. Change is unsettling, the nature of the word means that it is altering something in our lives. Change is not something that feels comfortable.
But it is also something that we cannot stop…it happens just like the seasons, we are approaching fall and the leaves start to shed…it is nature, it is the circle of life. It is natures way of balancing the world.
In order to cope …read more