I noticed the change only last week when I left my wonderful mum after our holiday together…my heart felt so full of love and I didn’t want to leave her…I wanted to pick her up in my pocket and bring her home. I felt tears in my eyes, I felt as though I was going to crumble….this was  I am sure related to grief.

When you lose someone then you want to keep hold of the other people dear to you….or at least I do….and somehow that person who hid her emotions so well, has turned into an emotional being who can cry in her forties at leaving her mum, after a wonderful holiday together!!!

Oh dear….emotions are wonderful and yet frightening at the same time aren’t they?

Post from: Widows Quest

It means that I never – or rarely – ever tell my friends how I am feeling. I am always ‘fine’ because I don’t want to be one of those people who always seem to be downloading. This last fortnight has been tough for me which has led to some erratic blogging….and my friends are also suffering at the moment so I felt as though I had to deal with my emotions myself. The other day a friend called in and she needed a hug.

The funny thing is that in hugging her and feeling that friendship helped me….the hug helped me. It just made me think how reaching out to others can help you with your depression.

Post from: Widows Quest

I love the fact we found each other

I hate the fact you were torn away

I love the fact that I got to feel real love

I hate the fact I long for that love again

I love the fact he came into my life

I hate the fact he left my life

I love my life

I hate my life

I love my memories

I hate the pain of memories

Do any of these make sense to you? As sometimes I have huge pangs of guilt at both loving and hating?

Post from: Widows Quest

Erin Pavlina presents Choosing Our Emotions posted at Erin Pavlina’s Blog, saying, “A short while ago I was tucking my daughter in to bed, and as I was heading out of her room I noticed to my horror that she had used a red ink pen to gouge her full name into her brand new white dresser. Not something you can wash away, the wood was gouged deeply.”

David B Bohl presents Your End-of-Year Personal Inventory: 6 Signs You May Need an Accountability Partner posted at Slow Down Fast Today!, saying, “Do you find that you keep promises to everyone but yourself? Do you tell yourself you will do something, but then not do it? It seems much easier to make commitments to others and keep them, than it is to honor ourselves.”

Will Edwards presents Happy New Year – FREE Little Book of Inspiration posted at White Dove Books, saying, “Here we are at the end of one year and the beginning of another. Looking toward the year ahead, we hope you will choose to make your life whatever you want it to be.”

Great Management presents How To Make 2009 Your Best Year Ever? posted at The GreatManagement Blog, saying, “How To Make 2009 Your Best Year Ever? Here’s how…”

Burak Bilgin presents How to Actualize Yourself? posted at Distiller’s Corner, saying, “Discovering your life purpose and actualizing yourself can be a joyful adventure.”

Ariel Bravy presents You Are Unconditionally Loved, But You May Experience Otherwise posted at

Kathleen Gaga presents 21 days to a life full of gratitude posted at Daily Awareness, saying, “Is gratitude something we get from what we have or is it something more? Find out where gratitude comes from and how to have more.”

Rational Anarchist presents The Rational Anarchist: The Roads Must Roll posted at The Rational Anarchist, saying, “We all need to get where we are going, but how many of us think about what it takes to get us there?”

Wally Bock presents Thinking about the New Year posted at Momentor.

alvos presents New Year Resolution Tips – Aim for the right direction and don’t go easy on you! posted at dayamn.com.

MWM presents Got Weeds in Your Head? posted at Pizza For A Dream, saying, “Importance of planting good seeds in our mind.”

Isaac Yassar presents 2 Requirements Of Definite Success posted at Isaac Yassar .com, saying, “Fulfill these two requirements, and you will definitely earn success in whatever field you’re in, I guarantee.”

Dr Martin Russell presents The Top 5 New Year Real-Solutions For 2009 posted at Dr Martin W. Russell, saying, “From my own experience in counselling people over the years I would suggest that New Year’s Resolutions don’t work.”

Xquisitlife presents Never let go of your dreams! posted at The best is yet to come!, saying, “This blog discusses how to have success when going after your dreams with passion!”

ChristianPF presents 6 reasons for giving more in 2009 posted at Money in the Bible | Christian Personal Finance Blog, saying, “6 reasons to get us thinking about giving more in the new year”

GP presents Don’t Look Back « Manely Montana posted at Manely Montana, saying, “New Years Dont look back”

Rational Anarchist presents Lousy Prophet posted at The Rational Anarchist, saying, “The future is just like the present, only more so.”

Brain Blogger presents Recognizing the Man in the Mirror posted at Brain Blogger, saying, “Three short years ago, the first partial face transplantation was performed in France and recently the first of these procedures to be conducted in the United States was successfully accomplished.”

Diane Corriette presents What Is Greatness? posted at Personal Growth. Discovering Greatness with Inspirational Guidance, saying, “We all have greatness within us but what does being great mean to you and why is it more than just being positive?”

Broderick Allen presents The Power of Now posted at Broderick Allen – Personal Growth and Enjoying Life’s Journey.

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our
carnival submission form.

Post from: Widows Quest

The opposite is true. So if we think about that then we can help our emotions by

• Smiling
• Standing up tall

Literally a smile can induce physiological changes in our body – including our heart rate etc

It may sound hard – one way I do that is recalling or talking about great memories of your loved one. This induces happier emotions. I also look at old photo’s and listen to music. But understanding our body language we can help improve the way that we feel.

Has anyone tried that?

{istockphoto}

Post from: Widows Quest

Grief can make you insular, grief can make you feel guilty about enjoying yourself. Yet it is that company of friends that will help you through the grief cycle. I have been talking to myself saying

• This is about your friends, not me. They want me to go and they have been so supportive, this is a small way of giving back to our friendship.
• Grieving does not mean that I can never smile again….a smile will never undermine my love.
• It is the going out that is the hardest, once in company I will relax and enjoy myself
• Staying in will only feed my self pity….going out will help me to take responsibility for my own happiness.  

Widows often feel more comfortable hiding away, because they don’t have the energy to go out. Remember though it is through interacting with people, that your heart recharges its emotions to help you cope with the pain.

[photo from iStockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

“It was the same with our friends and relatives. One friend flew from Australia upon hearing of Ed’s death, another lent us her cleaning lady. Many more cooked meals, did our shopping and invited us into their homes. Some spoke and wrote with extraordinary eloquence, some could barely find a word.

However they expressed themselves, all gave of themselves – and all gave us strength.”

That last phrase…”They expressed themselves…” really hit me. How often do we hold our emotions back in everyday life? How often do we prevent the emotions to come out, in fear of being seen as weak? When in reality showing our emotions help others, showing our emotions illustrates our ‘humanness’

I don’t believe we should ever let our emotions control us, however I do believe we   need a channel for the feelings so that we control them. Modern life is so hectic and often we as friends just don’t take enough time to be with each other….a huge learning for me in grief is take that time now, as you may never get a second chance…. 

[photo from iStockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

Bereavement affects how you view and indeed live life. It can be guilt over the loss of your loved one, it   may be fear of coping in the future, it may be anger at someone dying, it may be that loss of feeling loved. I think it is important that we think about what is driving us because whatever it is, is taking control of our minds. If we can think about the emotions inside of us, then we can start addressing the issue.

I think as human beings we are at our happiest when we are in control of our lives, in control of our emotions…to regain that control we need to not let the past shape our future. So here are a couple of questions that I am starting to ask myself, maybe they will help you too

• What emotion is driving my life?
• How can I face that emotion so that I can regain control of my life?

Post from: Widows Quest

It made me realise how fragile we are, how fragile our strength is…suddenly my emotions went from feeling proud of her…to feeling scared that I would lose her. Isn’t that part of grief, these large swings   in our emotional strength.

I know that instead of using that fear to worry, I want to use that fear I felt this week to ensure I cherish the time with my mum.

Post from: Widows Quest

But it is also something that we cannot stop…it happens just like the seasons, we are approaching fall and the leaves start to shed…it is nature, it is the circle of life. It is natures way of balancing the world.

In order to cope with change, the best way is not to linger on finding out answers. Even if you had answers it would not change the grief, the heartache, the loss…..it would only then send you into trying to understanding it!

Instead look at change as a question….

A= Ask yourself “What legacy do I want to create with my precious moments on earth?” …then set out to create a legacy your lost love would have been proud of….

S = Seek ideas for the future..what could you now have a go at, or do that you couldn’t do before?

K = Keep asking how the change has improved you as a person, how much stronger you are, how you are more independent, empathetic, valuing of life…value that change.

And here is a change that is positive…change your luck by leaving a comment as this is a post that is part of…

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Post from: Widows Quest