Silly question really! Mind you sometimes I don’t want to be happy again as I feel the sense of loss so much. However most days I try and build just one step at a time towards that ulimate goal of happiness.

I was surfing the web today and came across a new site called Happier which has online exercise tools and tips. The goal of the site says it is to

“The happier.com team is working hard to help you “go beyond the books” and provide you with research-backed tips and tools that are proven to help increase positive emotions, boost overall levels of engagement and meaning while also enhancing the quality of relationships.”

I honestly believe that as widows and widowers we need to invest our time in learning to be happy again. If we don’t there is a danger that we start to “enjoy” the pain….I know that sounds harsh but I know for myself that I went through a stage of feeling more comfortable with the pain and no people around than to rejoin life. Now I spend 20 minutes a day doing something that will make someone else or me happy ….

{Photo by istockphoto}

I spoke with an old friend tonight, who lost her husband in a road accident about 5 years ago. His death was a shock and she went through a severe depression resulting in quite a dependency on anti depressants. She really could never imagine life without him and we feared a suicide bid.

She phoned to announce her engagement to a wonderful man who she met at a local grief support group. She never believed that she would be able to love again, yet she has not only found love, but a happiness that is wonderful to see.

I asked her if she could give any advice to people, this is what she said

“Grief is a tunnel, as you enter you can see only darkness. It feels lonely, cold, damp - from all the tears. But if you keep on walking, keep on moving through that tunnel, then you will see a light. Small at first but keep going, because that light will become stronger. I will never forget him, my love will always be there - loving someone else will never take that away”