I often think that the words we use, don’t help us through our bereavement. If we believe it is broken then, we automatically think that there is no hope. There is hope, we have read stories on the blog of people who have found a new way of being happy, or even falling in love again. Maybe we should see that we need to find the GLUE to mend the crack

G = Getting out and about again to re-join life

L = Love. Sharing our love with family and friends to show ourselves that we are still loving people who care

U = Understanding that we need to take small steps each day to rebuild our life. There is no one big answer, just incremental steps that will help heal our pain.

E = Exercise. Our heart is a muscle that needs strengthening after it has been poorly. The best way is exercising – maybe a little walk each day, maybe some yoga, maybe joining a gym class. The more we strengthen, the quicker we help our heart heal

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Post from: Widows Quest

“I lost my husband 3 years ago this month and this has been the most intensely emotional year…. I thought my life would get better, and it is the opposite. I feel a part of myself is moving on — but I am grieving this “moving on.” Please tell me if this is normal.”

First I am not sure there is anything normal about grief, or a normal reaction for widows and widowers. I believe that we all cope with loss differently and that whatever is our way, then that is normal for us…

I do understand your feelings though, I do think in the first year you concentrate more on practicality, your friends are more attentive…as time goes by the reality does set in and also your friends also move back to treating you “normally”. I also believe that grief is like a rollercoaster, you feel strong, you feel weak. The emotional ups and downs can be enormously tiring. So how I try and cope is

• Exercise. I firmly believe that a walk a day, keeps those depressions at bay!
• Set some small goals to achieve. No matter how small or how daft. Just the sense of achievement lets me feel better about myself. I remember one day my goal was ‘get up’…..but I still crossed it off my list and celebrated.
• One thing that worked for me was arranging a walking holiday for singles. It got me amongst friends, and gave me a few events to smile about.
• Maybe join a nightclass, a sports club – my mum joined bowls and has had a whole new lease of life.

But key is to remember that good old heart of yours has suffered a break, not a break that the world can see as there is no plaster cast. If it was a broken leg, 3 yrs on you may still get some pain now and again or on a cold day….your heart is the same. Sometimes it is  about showing the world that you are still hurting by talking to  those people around you…they will understand.

Anyone else want to offer some thoughts to Jan?

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Post from: Widows Quest

• Friendship. There is nothing like talking about how you feel to release the emotion and then rebuild that fragile strength.
• Exercise. I have been to the gym for the last 6 days and even on days when I didn’t want to go, I went. The exercise helped my brain, helped produce those positive chemicals in my body.
• Future. Changing my thinking from the past to the future. This is hard, really hard. However, once I think about how to create good for others, I feel better inside.
• Laughing. I forced myself to go to see a film and laugh….sounds strange but laughing also helps to ease the pain. At a film I don’t feel guilty, after all the story is ….well a story. I am allowed to laugh….at home I feel guilty but in a dark cinema, I feel free.
• Music. I was struggling to sleep and the lack of sleep was draining my energy to fight back. So I now put on gentle relaxing music which helps me unwind and forget my worries. 

Grieving is like a rollercoaster…sometimes up, sometimes down. I suppose a trick is to learn from the ups…..to store the strength, to store the energy from feeling better for those bad days.

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Post from: Widows Quest

I couldn’t agree more and have always encouraged her to get out into her garden, walk to the shop each day, anything that gets her out of the house and into the fresh air.

Exercise stimulates the brain, stimulates the right chemicals in the brain to fight off the depression. Now you may not be able to afford the gym, either in terms of money or time but walking is free and a wonderful way of helping you stay positive.

Mum getting a treadmill has improved my motivation today, I just have this image of her in skimpy shorts, a headband and a running vest..:)

So how much exercise do you do?

Post from: Widows Quest

When you feel low, then make sure you use the stairs as your exercise – the reason is that mental stress reduces with exercises. It also helps to exhaust your energy and I found that I slept better at night by just doing this exercise. I also put music on whilst I did it – it sounds strange but I honestly felt better afterwards. 

Post from: Widows Quest