I had tears last night when I said to her “Its OK Nana, go to sleep…there is nothing to be afraid of Bronco (that is my nickname for my grandad) is waiting for you.”  The tears were recognition that I had to let her go, I had to help her through this final frontier…I had to help her face her fear. She had stayed with me during these last few days to help me face my fear…of living without her.

I am sat wondering what it must feel like to literally face death, that is when I wish that I did have faith. It is not that I don’t, it is just that I am not totally sure.

Death as a child was something I just didn’t understand, it was something that scared me….then because of suffering grief and seeing people die, I am not sure that it scares me. I think there comes a time when it must feel the time…and that comforts me because in the past I have always thought you must be scared.

I also wonder whether I can learn from that idea when it comes to widows….whether there comes a time when acceptance is a better alternative, a less frightening alternative to living in that pain. Maybe even now Nana is leading me through understanding grief….understanding that fear and living don’t go together, that holding on to the past is no way to live into the future.

Post from: Widows Quest

But I was just blown away by a comment from Mary on the Facing Death post, she talks about how her late husband had no regrets and a saying he used to quote about life

“Life is a present that so many people do not unwrap”

Oh wow that is so true and I know after a death it feels like an unwanted gift. But you know life is a present given to us, it is precious we know that because we are grieving the loss of a life. If we don’t find the strength to unwrap our life, then it will be a waste…..we may have lost a life but we must

retain our own….

[istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

“I have been a widow for six years this April22,2008,I moved to Texas and left all my family to start a new life. I am feeling depressed,I miss my family and am struggling financially. I have 2 teenagers,my daughter is 17 and my son is 15. I feel lonely and miss my husband,I’m not working but have a very good Church I am involved in. I am looking for a job. I have a lot of anxieties and fears……”

I think this comment is something that we all can relate to, we face death and all the anxieties and fears that go with the bereavement process. I believe that we need to address the fears head on…

• Accept that fears and anxieties are natural. They are not to be feared, they are there to say that we are human and once we accept that we can start addressing them.
• Remember that our brain is very clever. It talks to us constantly, therefore if we concentrate on the fears we will constantly be thinking negatively. We need to replace those fears with dreams and goals.
• To start the process think about what is important to you, what are your strengths, how can you build on those strengths, how can you spend your time at home and at work doing more of those strengths?
• Set yourself some goals. Short term to start with, but goals that will show you that you can achieve happiness, that you can start moving forward.
• Celebrate and talk to yourself about how good you feel when you achieve the goals. Again this is replacing the negative self talk with more positive thoughts.
• Then start to stretch from short term to medium term. This starts to give you things to look forward to…it may be a holiday to somewhere you have always dreamed of visiting…it may be building a memorial, it may be finding that job that you have always wanted to do…whatever is important to you.
• Surround yourself with friends and family who are positive thinkers, who reaffirm to you that you can achieve whatever you want to…..we may enjoy the people who indulge us, but in the long term we need people to help us think more positively about the future.

Anxiety is natural, fears will always be there. But you know often the fear is so much worse than reality. There really is nothing to fear but fear itself. The way to remove fear is to start taking small steps of action and showing to yourself you are capable of so much more than you believe you are….start today, by setting those goals and sharing them with us all.

Post from: Widows Quest

It makes me think of how to use our life before facing death makes us think differently. Here are 3 thoughts that I believe we should ask ourselves

How do you want to change your life for the better?

Do you spend enough time with the people that you care about?

What would you value in life?

What do you want to change about yourself?

How can I make that change and take that first step towards bringing more value to both my life and that of others?

Post from: Widows Quest