Widows Quest » family-and-friends

If you feel there is no hope…

Anna Farmery — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 12:23:35 +0000

Then just remember that together we can create that hope. This community has greater power than we can imagine…why? Well I know through the emails that people who felt suicidal have been helped by our tips, our grief and our hope. That is what keeps me going…that hope I feel through you.

“Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.”

Lin Yutang

I often get asked “Where do I get the strength to carry on?” Well, often it is through the love you have gained, often it is through the love of family and friends, often it is your own desire to live through the pain like your loved one would want you to…and often it is in communities that just understand how you feel. A community that is there for you in those sleepless nights, those days that seem so dark. Wherever your strength provider lies, you will find it….of that I have no doubt. Why because as human beings we were born to live, we were born to love….and someway our minds and our sould will find a way…

Post from: Widows Quest

The Emptiness Inside….

Anna Farmery — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 15:10:58 +0000

I was with Mum yesterday, and she started to cry when a song came on the radio. I held her hand as she talked to me about the emptiness that she felt since Dad died. As widows and widowers, we all understand that feeling – that feeling that engulfs you when you least expect it.As we walk around we look the same, maybe a little sadder, maybe a little more remote but in essence we look the same. Yet inside our souls there is a difference, there is an emptiness that leaves a huge void in our heart, in our soul. That emptiness cannot be seen but it sure can be felt. How did we deal with that emptiness yesterday? Well, I held my mums hand and told her how proud that I am of her, I told her how much I loved her and as long as I had breath in my body I would be there for her. We cannot fill the emptiness but we can help close the hole, by reaching out to others and being there for them. Love may well be different for friends, family and partners but you know the one connection is that loving someone is the most wonderful gift to them, and the most wonderful gift for you.

[istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

How do you start to rebuild your life?

Anna Farmery — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 11:50:28 +0000

When you suffer a tragedy of the loss of your loved one, the thought of rebuilding your life seems impossible. That is natural. Your life as it stands has been torn apart. However, I know this seems hard but life does go on, life is your life…not part of your life. The chapter may have come to an end but the story is still there to unfold. Here are my thoughts on rebuilding from your grief, I would love to hear your comments

R = Remain hopeful. I know that sounds strange, but hope is a natural energiser of positive steps. Write down 3 things that you hope for, then start working towards them.

E = Enjoy the company of friends and family. In time, laughing will not feel guilty but the natural pleasure of a human being. I know you will feel that you want to be alone, but force yourself out and eventually you will learn to smile again.

B = Be realistic with your feelings. You will have good days, you will have bad days…that is totally normal. Try not to see how you are coping now, but how you are coping over time. I set myself targets of happiness! How many nights I slept in a row, how many days since I cried…to show me that I was progressing.

U= Understand that the only way that your heart will mend is by allowing it to open up to the risk of being hurt again. Don’t be afraid to talk to the opposite sex, it is just talking….

I = Involve yourself in activities. The community is always looking for volunteers. By giving to others, you start to feel better about yourself and grateful for what you HAVE rather than what you have lost.

L =Long term goals are important so that you have something to work towards. Again set yourself targets and track your progress. Mine was losing the weight that I had put on during the lead up to his death. I set myself a long term target of getting fit, eating healthily and losing 56lbs…I have done it!

D = Decide to not hold on to the past. I don’t mean lose the memories, but the past is the past. There is nothing that you can do now to change events. Write down 3 things that you have learnt about life, learnt about yourself and think of ways that you can put those learnings into action.

[iStockphoto]

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10 Wonders of Life

Anna Farmery — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 15:51:43 +0000

Having lost someone we know how much pain there is in the world and how awful life events can be..but if we look hard there are beautiful things that make life so special

The smile of a baby
The laughter of friends and family
The feel of an early morning hot shower
The look in the eyes of a young couple in love for the first time
The sound of a river
The smell of an Autumn day
The serene sight of a child sleeping
The dawn of a new day
The smell of fresh flowers
The memories when you look at those old photo’s

Death may bring some dark moments, but life continues and if we look around at the world there are plenty of things to bring a smile to our face again

Post from: Widows Quest