I wrote yesterday about a family friend who had died this week. The funeral was today. At the funeral someone asked
“What do you think he has left behind?”  I replied
“A friendship that was constant and authentic. A passion for the truth. A trail of love and respect”
They answered
“No I mean money?”
I am not often stuck for words but this was one of those moments. Their life is over, for me it is a time for reflection, reflection of how much they brought to the world. Time to think about the friendship, a time to think about the value of …read more

I met an old lady whilst travelling yesterday. She was 86 and said that her biggest hope is that she finds love…she had never fallen in love in her life. She had been very protected by her family, and then when she had left home all the “men were taken”
I told her my story and that I still miss him each day. She turned held my hand and said “Oh, I would never say that you have lost them. Loving is a special gift that not everyone enjoys….love is a gain, no matter if death breaks the relationship earlier than …read more

When you grieve you can so easily concentrate on death, or dying that you can forget the purpose of life. Life and death are circular friends who dance with each other day in day out…so what is my take on life?  
L= Love and to be loved
I = Inspire a legacy which you can be proud of
F= Family and friends and the human bonds that we create, share and experience together
E= Enjoy the rarest gift that we have been given life. You are given the chance to enjoy the world, life has to be about love and enjoyment
 That is my …read more

I received a wonderful email from someone who has lost his wife and asked me about how to cope when the family starts to quarrel over the death.
Wow, a huge question and one that really does depend on the situation but here are my thoughts..
I think we often as human beings need to be right, when what we need to do is understand that there is often not just a single right answer. Each person is different, although we have common bonds in a family, each family consists of individuals….
Each person will grieve at a different rate, some with anger…others …read more

Tonight I am going to my mum’s and then tomorrow we are setting off to visit my aunt who lives at the opposite end of the country. Both mum and my aunt have lost their husbands, and both are trying to rebuild their lives.
Despite my 41 years of age, I am still the ‘baby’ of the family and love the fact that by creating time   in my life to spend time with others….actually brings joy to them. When we are feeling down it is easy to forget how we do create happiness in the lives of others……a joy of …read more

I posted yesterday about some tips on how to cope with a family thanksgiving and today I want to send my love and thoughts to those people who through bereavement, loss of family they may be alone this year. Loneliness is an awful feeling and I wanted to tell you, this year you are not alone…..

There is a community here that will support you, that understands your loneliness, that understands your grief. We may not be able to hug you in person but here is an online hug to keep you warm.
Try and reach out this year – do you …read more

The holidays are a wonderful time for family, but when someone is missing forever then the emotional drain on coping with their absence can be very high. So here are some tips from someone who is learning to cope with   family gatherings
F = Families may change in who is present but family remain a loving bond to ease the pain.
A = Allow yourself to talk about them, relive memories so that they are part of the day.
M= Mend bridges – often when a death happens and people cope with the grief differently, quarrels can occur…if they have with you, …read more

This time of year is hard as we miss the people who are no longer with us to share the holiday times. But I like to see it as a chance to
1) Pay THANKS to my lost loved one for GIVING me the most wonderful years of my life. After all we can we may miss them but we were lucky enough to have had them in our lives and to have felt happiness with them.
2) Ensure that I am GIVING to others to show THANKS for them being in my life.
Thanks and Giving are 2 such underutilized words and …read more

Over Play Library there is a little competition and I love the idea of the post. It made me think that I am grateful for many things in my life:- my health, my family, my life in general. Then I started to think that there are some things that I have learned and in fact are grateful for, through his death. Sound strange?

 I am grateful for learning not to take anything for granted – now I value it all.
I am grateful to have learned to live each moment like your last.
I am grateful to have known the feeling of being …read more

It is my birthday tomorrow and I always find this one of the hardest times. We always enjoyed birthdays and went to a lot of trouble to make it very special. Tomorrow it just won’t be the same. My friend is taking the day off and we are going into the countryside to have a walk, this will be lovely and no doubt I will share memories with her.
Birthdays are a celebration, a celebration of life and life should be celebrated. So I am working on my mind today to not concentrate on his death but on the life he …read more