“What do you think he has left behind?”  I replied

“A friendship that was constant and authentic. A passion for the truth. A trail of love and respect”

They answered

“No I mean money?”

I am not often stuck for words but this was one of those moments. Their life is over, for me it is a time for reflection, reflection of how much they brought to the world. Time to think about the friendship, a time to think about the value of what they brought to the world and what we will all miss……but then I suppose the world is made up of different people. I tell myself that the world is better for our differences…however, sometimes, just sometimes I wonder

[Photo from iStockphoto]

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I told her my story and that I still miss him each day. She turned held my hand and said “Oh, I would never say that you have lost them. Loving is a special gift that not everyone enjoys….love is a gain, no matter if death breaks the relationship earlier than expected because your heart has fulfilled it’s destiny. You have gained, not lost“  

Wow, what a wonderful thought and I couldn’t wait to share with you all…we have gained because our hearts have fulfilled their destiny…

Funny, how put that way, I smile with that thought!

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L= Love and to be loved

I = Inspire a legacy which you can be proud of

F= Family and friends and the human bonds that we create, share and experience together

E= Enjoy the rarest gift that we have been given life. You are given the chance to enjoy the world, life has to be about love and enjoyment

 That is my take – what would your L.I.F.E acronym stand for?

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Wow, a huge question and one that really does depend on the situation but here are my thoughts..

I think we often as human beings need to be right, when what we need to do is understand that there is often not just a single right answer. Each person is different, although we have common bonds in a family, each family consists of individuals….

Each person will grieve at a different rate, some with anger…others silently. No one is right, no one is wrong.

I think the best way is to come through a family disagreement is to be empathetic to the differences – even if you are alone in doing that!

I try and focus on what we do agree on, how we can reconcile our differences rather than resolve the problem. Why? Because I think when emotions are high at times of stress, then we won’t find a solution that fits all. We can only find a solution that reconciles our differences rather than solve them..

What do you think?

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Despite my 41 years of age, I am still the ‘baby’ of the family and love the fact that by creating time   in my life to spend time with others….actually brings joy to them. When we are feeling down it is easy to forget how we do create happiness in the lives of others……a joy of family is that I can bring some much needed love, in doing that it brings a smile that lights up my life too.

We may feel lost, but we should never lose sight of our ability to bring value to the lives of others…

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• There is a community here that will support you, that understands your loneliness, that understands your grief. We may not be able to hug you in person but here is an online hug to keep you warm.
• Try and reach out this year – do you have friends who may also be alone? See if you can visit them or at least talk to them on the phone. Two lonely hearts together can help fill that hole in your life.
• See if you can volunteer and help others that are struggling at this time of year. One way to heal pain is to give love to others.  

One final thought – keeping occupied is important to try and keep that brain occupied. I am not saying don’t remember our loved ones, but try and balance that with carrying on your life. If all else fails then remember let me know, and I will try and support from afar:)

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F = Families may change in who is present but family remain a loving bond to ease the pain.

A = Allow yourself to talk about them, relive memories so that they are part of the day.

M= Mend bridges – often when a death happens and people cope with the grief differently, quarrels can occur…if they have with you, use this time of year to mend those fences before it is too late.

I = Involve yourself. Try not to sit on the outside. Maybe offer to create some games, cook the meal..whatever your strength is, so that you are involved at the centre of the activities. That way you will have a focus, a meaning for the day…

L =Live these moments to the full, they are special times as they create those memories that live forever…don’t waste the chance to bring joy to others. After all we know how quickly these times can be taken away from us!

Y =You shall remember this old Anna adage! You are allowed to laugh and enjoy people’s company….don’t feel guilty for living….

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1) Pay THANKS to my lost loved one for GIVING me the most wonderful years of my life. After all we can we may miss them but we were lucky enough to have had them in our lives and to have felt happiness with them.

2) Ensure that I am GIVING to others to show THANKS for them being in my life.

Thanks and Giving are 2 such underutilized words and actions in the world today. As widows or people who have felt the pain of loss, we should be at the forefront of giving thanks, of thanking others for giving…..we have had support, we have had love which has helped us through some of the rougher times in lives..how can we repay that support? By giving that support to others who may need that love   as much as we do.

Have a wonderful holiday and I would like to THANK YOU for GIVING me a purpose during the most difficult years of my life.

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1.  I am grateful for learning not to take anything for granted – now I value it all.
2. I am grateful to have learned to live each moment like your last.
3. I am grateful to have known the feeling of being loved.
4. I am grateful for the wonderful times.
5. I am grateful to have the chance to help other people through this blog.

I know it is hard to think about being grateful, I know its hard when the pain is there…but just look around and we see that there are many reasons that despite the pain, despite the bereavement there are also reasons to be grateful   too….what has death made you value?

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Birthdays are a celebration, a celebration of life and life should be celebrated. So I am working on my mind today to not concentrate on his death but on the life he gave me and how he made each day feel like my birthday.
How do you feel about birthdays ? Do you find it hard to celebrate?

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