Here are some thoughts on the strength of families

F= Family provides comfort, and always remember to say how much you love them. You never know when you might lose someone, so ensure they know how you feel.

A= Always remember each member grieves in a different way. Some appear broken others that they are hardly affected. All are grieving in the way they find best.

M=Memories are important, make sure that you talk about the passing and the love that they brought to the world.

I= Inspiration for moving on can be gained from seeing the new role you have in your family. They need you even more, they need your love even more….gain inspiration for the future from looking at how you can help your family.

L=Love of your nearest and dearest will see you through the toughest times. Love really does conquer all!

Y=You have much to live for, to see your family grow and prosper. You are as central to their lives as your spouse was to you.

Post from: Widows Quest

Jane lost her husband and for the next few months she didn’t go out – she felt too guilty, she forgot how to smile – she felt too guilty, she survived the days – guilty of living.

One day her sister said to her “What did Jake enjoy?” Jane looked and said “He loved being out with his friends, having a drink and having a laugh”

“And what did he love about you?” Jane thought and said “My fun!”

 ”Then if you want to make Jake happy, if you want to feel Jake close, if you want to remember how to live as Jake would have wanted……learn to have some fun again. That is not forgetting about Jake it is about remembering him and honouring his memory”

Jane started to rebuild her life, and although everyday she thinks about her loss, she knows that nothing will bring him back. Nothing will fill that void. But life is short and so precious. For something so precious, it would be wrong to waste it……she now smiles, and knows that Jake would be smiling too at her living again.

Post from: Widows Quest

Music is a wonderful emotive way of remembering and also lifting the spirits…..

Post from: Widows Quest

She has been amazed at the support from people within the club, and is stunned at the lengths people will go to help her through her social shyness. Many people there, have also lost people and are also trying to find their feet, and have asked her to accompany them to evening social events. My mum is growing every day in confidence and also she is enjoying the new set of friends that she has found. It is not about finding new love , it is about finding companionship and friendship. No matter your age, you are still young enough to enjoy life, enjoy new friends and find a way of bringing a degree of happiness to your world.

Does my mum miss my dad – of course, will anyone replace my dad in her affections – no, but to see her socialising and enjoying life again, well I know my dad would be happy…..

Post from: Widows Quest

Memories are wonderful but photo’s can really help fill in the gaps…I am a believer in having photo’s on show, keeping the great memories alive and I also believe that they provide great comfort. My favourite photo of dad sits at the side of the sofa and I feel he is still there with me…. go get them from out of the box, cry a little if you want but then allow the photo’s to bring back those wonderful thoughts…

Post from: Widows Quest

When we suffer loss, the hurt is real. I think it is also important to remember the gain that you have had in your life.

1. Be sad for the loss, but be happy for having had them in your life even for a short time.
2. Feel the hurt but also remember the happy times that you experienced.
3. Recognise the world’s loss, but recognise the contribution they made while they were alive.
4. Be sad for the loss of future memories but hold dear the memories of the past.
5. Be sad for a while but know that life will bring joy again.
6. Be sad for the love lost but feel lucky for having loved.

I hope this helps you, loss is hard but never forget the great gains that a person has brought to your life.

Post from: Widows Quest

If you have experienced a loss, the odds are high that you know a man who is experiencing the same loss, perhaps your brother-in-law or your husband’s father. As you cry and mourn the death of your husband, you probably have seen the struggle that a man goes through when he is confronted by death. How can you help a man deal with grief and find the healing he needs?

The Constructiveness of Grief
Men are from Mars we have been told and thus the entire approach to emotions is different. But not that different and it is important to understand that. Grief is a process that takes time and it is a time that can teach us much about ourselves and allow us to become fuller in our humanity. As woman cry and men attempt not to, letting them know that their mourning is a step toward the goal of healing will help a man feel more in control. It is in most men’s nature to need to find a sense of control. Helping them understand that this overwhelming grief is something they need to plough through rather than sidestep, will help them find that sense of control.

Inappropriate Response to Grief
Often men in their journey of grief will turn to something to dull the feelings raging inside of him. Drinking is a common response and when it turns into heavy drinking, the grief process is aborted. Another common reaction is for a man who is middle aged to seek a partner that is considerably younger than him as a way to prove his youth and vitality. Financial irresponsibility is another symptom; if you observe that a retirement account is being cashed in or careless spending is becoming routine, it is helpful to gently talk over how grief can be detoured and the harm that can result from avoiding the pain. Grief must be acknowledged and dealt with for healing to occur.

Talking and Acting
Men by nature do not as easily talk to each other as woman do. Fearing they might appear weak, a man will often not delve into his inner emotional backlog as easily as a woman and the burden of grief becomes heavier. If you know a man who is grieving, have lunch or dinner with him and talk. Let him talk by asking questions and really listening. As you talk remember men are more inclined to want to “do” things rather than “feel” things. If you can get a man talking about his feelings of grief, then it would help him to suggest something concrete he can do. Working to build a foundation to memorialize his loved one is an example of a project that can keep the connection to the loved one. Embarking on a new hobby that will show results is also something that can help funnel the feelings in a positive direction.

Spirituality
A man’s spirituality is as important to him as a woman’s is to her, but he may be less vocal about it. If you have a close enough relationship to a grieving man, talking about faith and the soul is a way to open him up to recognize the strength within himself because of his beliefs. If he is experiencing a “crisis of faith” he needs more than ever someone to talk to about his feelings.

Grief is an equal opportunity burden. It will not discriminate against any of us. Remember the men you know who are hurting and in pain from their loss. Making a difference in someone’s life is perhaps the most important mission we can ever have and even in our grief, we can still reach out and help another.

Post from: Widows Quest