A wonderful comment came from Rae to the post Happy Halloween about a feeling which I have had on a couple of occasions.  The feeling is that suddenly you forget that they have passed away, that you feel their presence, that you suddenly see them or sense them in the house.
I remember after about 3 months getting so mad that he wasn’t replying or coming through to the lounge when I needed some help to move the television! I had no idea that he had died, to me at that moment he was alive and even annoying (!) as he …read more

….something that grief can do to you. After all you were a couple and that was part of your identity…now you are on your own and you can face that fear of not believing in yourself.
Well a wise old lady once said to me “When you can’t believe in yourself Anna, believe in something bigger than yourself and happiness will follow”
I think this is an important concept. I think so often we can become insular and become too inward looking. That sounds harsh, and maybe that was just me! However, I seemed to obsess about my pain, about my fears, …read more

Love can be spectacular and yet when you think about love can be dangerous.

Love makes you lose control with giddiness
Love can cause fear…fear of losing your love
Love causes pain when they are taken from you

Love is comforting, love is precious and yet it makes me wonder why something so wonderful can never be enjoyed without pain. So would I say it was worth it…would I want to have felt love if I had realised the danger….
…YES.

When we talked on our monthly Widows Quest telephone call in, we talked about how some of us were expected to be strong. I was one of those people, I am quite easy going, I tend to see the positive in dark times….and so when anyone dies around me I am expected to be strong….
Or am I?
After I came off the call, I thought do others expect me to be strong in grief and help them cope with bereavement or do I?
You know when I think about it…and if I am being completely honest!….I think it comes from me. No …read more

What a difference 24 hours make and thank you for the comments they really helped. Well I am still busy, I am still wondering how I will get all these tasks done…but…BUT….I am. Why?

Writing my concerns down in the blog post helped me face the problems.
Sharing the problem somehow released the fear of the problem.
Realizing that there was only me…..there was only me that could believe that I could cope. I stopped looking for someone else, and started to look inside my heart for the courage to face the struggle.
I set an action list breaking down the “out-of-controlness” into small …read more

Some thoughts that I wrote down this morning on grief and how it changes you. I came to the conclusion that the change can be good or bad…that is up to the widow or widower themselves to decide….
Grief changes you, but is that necessarily a bad thing? I have learned what loss is like and that has altered the way that I relate to people. I am more grateful, I am more empathetic to people’s needs. I am now more grateful for what I have in life and also grateful for the love that I have felt along the way …read more

When I was younger I used to fear death, the fear was based on not being able to imagine what it would be like…now since suffering the grief, I almost think that I fear life now more than death ? When you lose someone, some part of you dies and therefore you face or almost feel what death looks like – the unimaginable becomes suddenly real. The irony is that life becomes almost difficult to imagine and because of that fear can take hold.
After saying that I have suffered from fear much of my life and if I have learned …read more

After all our ups and downs this week we may all need some motivation for the week ahead. As always on a Sunday here is the carnival of positive thinking

HighGrace presents Your next 30 years — Face to the Sun posted at Face to the Sun.

Akemi presents What I Know About Life And Death posted at Yes to Me.

Relax presents How to Become a Sleeping Winner posted at The Wise Curve, saying, “Get good quality sleep with Progressive Muscle Relaxation, and proper matress + pillows.”

Chris Edgar presents Calling A Truce In The “War Of Words” posted at Purpose Power Coaching, …read more

A 92 year old has joined the ward today, she is so full of life. She is quite ill and due a big operation. Her heart is not very good and the nurses/Doctors have told her that her chance of survival is not good. Her reaction….
“I have had a great life, I have a great family, one which I am grateful to see grow up. I am 92 and if I have to go now, then I want to thank the world for giving me such a great time. I know you say that I have a choice about not …read more

Grief brings so many emotions, one of which I spoke about this week in Social Isolation – Always Alone in a Crowd and this is fear. Fear will grow and grow until we face that fear. Fear will grow until we realise that the fear is something intangible, that it isn’t reality and if it isn’t reality then we are in control of the fear!Isn’t the irony that we often fear feeling out of control! But fear is normally what MIGHT happen, when you think about it. When you think about it, we are then in control of what we think MIGHT …read more