• What we could have done
• What we could have said
• What we could have been to others

…yet in reality we were, we said and we did out of our best intentions. Reflection can be good for the soul BUT only if we balance our thinking with the realisation that we are only human. If we did our best then that is all we could have asked for…

The holiday season makes us think deeply about those we have lost, that is good – it means that they are still with us. However, in that reflection remember that the past is the past, that we cannot change the past, only the future. We may miss them more each day, but they loved us for who we were…..and we were imperfect. Humans are imperfect. In fact our true greatness lies in that imperfection.

The holiday season is a chance to stop giving ourselves further pain by wishing for things that cannot happen, instead lets look to the future and be better people for having the experience of having loved. We will never be perfect, we cannot change the past but we can change our outlook towards a brighter future.

Post from: Widows Quest

Many posts are about how this is our life and we shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting, about needing to find some happiness without our loved one. However…

I think we also need to set our own boundaries. I know how easy it is to think I must try and pull myself together for others, I will have to do it for them…and although there may be an element of using the love of others to pull you through your grief, I also think that we need to set our own boundaries.

Boundaries protect us while our heart heals, boundaries give us some space to learn how to live again. Boundaries help us understand what we need, what is important to us.

When I say boundaries I mean we sometimes need to be a little self centred, we need to think about our own needs and build time and space into our lives. Self centred sounds selfish, I don’t mean it in that way. I mean it in the way that we need to see there are times when we need to say No. There will be times when we need to lock ourselves away and take time for ourselves.

Once again we shouldn’t feel guilty about creating some boundaries, those boundaries don’t need to be fixed forever just for as long as we need those boundaries to protect our heart.

Post from: Widows Quest

“I have enjoyed greatly the second blooming that comes when you finish the life of the emotions and of personal relations; and suddenly find – at the age of fifty, say – that a whole new life has opened before you, filled with things you can think about, study, or read about…It is as if a fresh sap of ideas and thoughts was rising in you.”

When we lose our spouse especially later in life, we can draw the conclusion that there is nothing left for us. Interestingly, my mum who was 78 this week has more hobbies and interests now, then when Dad was alive. She misses him hugely, she still grieves however, she has found a new life. She is inspiration for all of us that there is a new life out there…..as she describes it…..

“My life was your Dad, my life was being a great partner. It took me time to realise that no matter how much I pray that he will come back…he won’t. So I realised that I had to stop living as a widow and living my lifeas me. Do I miss him, each second but do I enjoy all the new experiences…yes. Life is for the living, when that comes to an end I will be with him again”

I know what she means, part of me has died….yet there is a part of me that was suppressed which I can now release. That feels guilty to say, I don’t want you to think that in anyway that lessons the grief, it just gives me hope for enjoying life in the future…..I suppose you could say, it is truly a Widows Quest!

Remember to help me to honor Dad’s memory by sending in your stories, dedications to your loved ones. You can email them to me at anna@b5media.com by 10 August

{Istockphoto}

Post from: Widows Quest