Tonight is one of those nights, I feel all right, yet I just don’t want to go to bed…do you know the kind I mean? I somehow fear going to be ….alone. I keep staring at photo’s, at web pages not knowing what I am looking for but knowing that as tired as I am I don’t want to go close my eyes.
I hope that by sharing my feelings, I may help other widows or widowers who feel alone tonight, because in our loneliness we may find solitude together. And also as numb as I feel tonight, the one thing …read more

Just replied to an invitation which asked are you a one or a two? It made me feel sad. Clearly the invitation was not written by a widow or widower, as numbers to people not bereaved, are maybe just numbers…..but to those grieving numbers mean a little more. Just jotted on a piece of paper, whilst I watched the kettle boil, a few lines…..maybe you understand my feelings?  
I started life just as a one,
Part of a family but still just a single… one.
Then I met you and one became two
But now you are gone, what do I do?
I …read more

I was commenting on yesterday’s post Holding Grief Can Be Warm, and I was thinking how coming to terms with grief is just like getting used to a new car……mad? Let me explain, for any widowers or widows out there…When you get a new car, you never seem to be able to get the seat in the right position – too high, too far, too near, too tilted, not tilted enough, too low……then one day you get in the car, suddenly you feel right and funnily enough you don’t even notice at first. Then just when you think that the seat …read more

Dealing with grief is difficult and I am always looking for resources to learn more about how to cope with the feelings of loneliness, depression and, well numbness.
Karen from Thrifty Mommy came across this article at eHOW – How to deal with grief which gives tips that may help us with those feelings. I think these words within the article are what we should all remember
“Grief is a natural and necessary emotion. Grieving helps us to heal over hurts and painful life experiences. Our hearts and souls need to grieve to help us get past the pain, to move on, …read more

Blogging and indeed having all your wonderful comments, really shows me that no matter what culture, how the grief has occurred – the feeling of loss is the same worldwide. Blogging has been a great comfort to me to know that I am not alone, that I am not daft because at times I haven’t coped very well.
Grief really is a universal feeling, one that brings all people together. Blogging is like that too….some things that I have learned about the grief process over the last couple of weeks

Nothing is like receiving comforting words from people who care and who …read more

Failure is an emotive word and one thing that has been difficult to overcome – that feeling that I have failed in some way. Grief left me thinking that no matter what I did then I would fail, that it would be better to shy away from life then to go out and fail again.
It is strange as I don’t see losing your loved one as failure, however I think it shakes your self confidence. I think you start to doubt everything around you….when you step back that is the wrong thing to do.

Success is having loved and been loved
Success …read more

I am going through this phase where everything feels frightening. I fear work, I fear happiness…..I even fear people. I am trying to work through this by looking at what I am frightened of, trying to think logically about my fears.
I think when something – or someone -  is taken away from you so quickly, you lose a little confidence in your ability to understand life. I think that is what has happened to me. I used to have confidence because I was happy, I had meaning in my life. At the moment, I feel lost… I feel that I …read more

The BBC’s Victoria Derbyshire has an article about How have you coped with the loss of a loved one? in which people tell their emotional journey’s. Oh reading about others losses is so heart wrenching. One thing that seems to unite us all is the value of human love, human empathy from our friends…
“It was the same with our friends and relatives. One friend flew from Australia upon hearing of Ed’s death, another lent us her cleaning lady. Many more cooked meals, did our shopping and invited us …read more

Grief is a strange emotion, and as time goes by I realise how hard it is…
G = Grief is something that needs work, we need to understand that although time helps…it is only when we use that time to cope with our feelings that we start to come through it.
R = Remember death happens to us all during our life. We are not unique, we are normal.
I = I now realise that the way through grief is not by looking back but by looking forward. You will never lose the memories but remember the future has new ones that can …read more

I have met people who have lost their spouse and feel neglected by people, and this can happen. Often people don’t know what to say, and therefore avoid putting their foot in it, by avoiding you.
 My dear old father who has given me plenty of great advice over my life said, “If you want people to value your feelings, first you need to value theirs”
I thought about this when dad died, because as much as you are grieving just taking the time to think about how your friends are feeling can really help you build a much stronger personal network …read more