I hope that by sharing my feelings, I may help other widows or widowers who feel alone tonight, because in our loneliness we may find solitude together. And also as numb as I feel tonight, the one thing that I have not lost is that sense of hope that each day I cope with the grief, I am one step nearer from finding that happiness again.

In films they may say..tomorrow is another day, but in grief I think we need to say

Tomorrow is another step….

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Post from: Widows Quest

I started life just as a one,

Part of a family but still just a single… one.

Then I met you and one became two

But now you are gone, what do I do?

I loved being together, I loved being a two

I can’t imagine being a one, no not without you.

To some, one and two are just numbers you see

Yet one is alone coping with grief

And two is no longer a reality for me

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Post from: Widows Quest

Grief is like that…..during those first few months we are constantly adjusting our minds and our lives. Just when

 we think that we have come to terms with our feelings, then we are thrown again. Just like that car seat, we need to find again that position in our lives that we can enjoy. So the next time we feel daft, or not coping then maybe we should step back and think of that car seat…….if we keep on adjusting then we will find that right position.

Grief is not about being mended, or being better…it is about being able to adjust…. 

Post from: Widows Quest

Karen from Thrifty Mommy came across this article at eHOW – How to deal with grief which gives tips that may help us with those feelings. I think these words within the article are what we should all remember

“Grief is a natural and necessary emotion. Grieving helps us to heal over hurts and painful life experiences. Our hearts and souls need to grieve to help us get past the pain, to move on, and to be able to live again.”

If you have any resources to share please leave a comment – the more we share, the more we understand then the more we grow as people and the more we learn to enjoy life.

Post from: Widows Quest

Grief really is a universal feeling, one that brings all people together. Blogging is like that too….some things that I have learned about the grief process over the last couple of weeks

• Nothing is like receiving comforting words from people who care and who understand.
• If you are open to support…you are never truly alone.  
• Time heals but hearts never forget
• No one knows the answers for grieving…..but we do know that the answers are different for each person.
• Talking about your feelings helps put things in perspective.
• As unique as we all are, when it comes to feelings are we really unique?

I want to thank you all for your support and kindness – here is a virtual hug to you all!

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Post from: Widows Quest

It is strange as I don’t see losing your loved one as failure, however I think it shakes your self confidence. I think you start to doubt everything around you….when you step back that is the wrong thing to do.

• Success is having loved and been loved
• Success is coping with the reality of death and the sense of loss.
• Success is not hiding from the feelings but trying to work through them

Some days I feel that no matter what I do, I will fail. But do you know, if I never try anything then although I will never fail…..I will never succeed or create enjoyment in my life.

Maybe success is seeing that you are human, that doubting yourself, doubting your faith, doubting that happiness can come again. Success is being human with normal human emotions. 

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Post from: Widows Quest

I think when something – or someone -  is taken away from you so quickly, you lose a little confidence in your ability to understand life. I think that is what has happened to me. I used to have confidence because I was happy, I had meaning in my life. At the moment, I feel lost… I feel that I am searching for meaning and when I can find that meaning then my confidence will flow back.

Does anyone else fear people? Does anyone else understand these feelings and have any advice?

{Photo from iStockphoto}

Post from: Widows Quest

“It was the same with our friends and relatives. One friend flew from Australia upon hearing of Ed’s death, another lent us her cleaning lady. Many more cooked meals, did our shopping and invited us into their homes. Some spoke and wrote with extraordinary eloquence, some could barely find a word.

However they expressed themselves, all gave of themselves – and all gave us strength.”

That last phrase…”They expressed themselves…” really hit me. How often do we hold our emotions back in everyday life? How often do we prevent the emotions to come out, in fear of being seen as weak? When in reality showing our emotions help others, showing our emotions illustrates our ‘humanness’

I don’t believe we should ever let our emotions control us, however I do believe we   need a channel for the feelings so that we control them. Modern life is so hectic and often we as friends just don’t take enough time to be with each other….a huge learning for me in grief is take that time now, as you may never get a second chance…. 

[photo from iStockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

G = Grief is something that needs work, we need to understand that although time helps…it is only when we use that time to cope with our feelings that we start to come through it.

R = Remember death happens to us all during our life. We are not unique, we are normal.

I = I now realise that the way through grief is not by looking back but by looking forward. You will never lose the memories but remember the future has new ones that can be as special.

E = Every person is different and each person copes in a different way. It is about finding the way that works for you. If that is going out, great! If that is becoming a little insular, great! The key is then working through and returning to your normal self over time.

F= Feelings are natural. Feelings are what makes us human. Do not fear feelings as they are special. Learn to cope with feelings rather than suppress them.  

Post from: Widows Quest

 My dear old father who has given me plenty of great advice over my life said, “If you want people to value your feelings, first you need to value theirs”

I thought about this when dad died, because as much as you are grieving just taking the time to think about how your friends are feeling can really help you build a much stronger personal network to help you through the dark days.

When I saw somebody I would start the conversation and say “Don’t worry, I know it is hard to know what to say….” This allowed them to feel more open and a conversation started.

Remember to have others value your feelings, value theirs…and feel the love that creates. To have your heart held, reach out your hand…

Post from: Widows Quest