I think learning to love again, or learning to see that loving again is acceptable as a widow or widower after suffering a tragedy is the hardest thing. I remember a quote from Iris Murdoch who said
“We can only learn to love, by loving”
As widows or widowers we could change that to 
“We can only learn to love again, by loving again”
Grief is the end of one chapter of your life. It is not the end of loving. After all death has brought an end to the partnership but it has brought an end to t he love we feel …read more

I came across this quote from Mark Steven Johnson
“Everything you do in life, every choice you make, has a consequence. When you do things without thinkin’, then you ain’t makin’ the choice. The choice is makin’ you.”
After the dismal week I have had, this quote helped me. It is so true that life is about choices, and in reality who makes those choices…you. In grief you can feel that choices have been taken away from you…that is not true. Life may have thrown you a curve ball, however you still have choices…

Choices about how you recover from your grief
Choices about …read more

I spoke with an old friend tonight, who lost her husband in a road accident about 5 years ago. His death was a shock and she went through a severe depression resulting in quite a dependency on anti depressants. She really could never imagine life without him and we feared a suicide bid.
She phoned to announce her engagement to a wonderful man who she met at a local grief support group. She never believed that she would be able to love again, yet she has not only found love, but a happiness that is wonderful to see.
I asked her if …read more

I was speaking with a friend last night who has just found a new love, she was widowed about 4 years ago and had struggled with life after her husbands death. Last night she said something that I thought was worth sharing…
“I suddenly realised that I wasn’t married. When you take you vows you are   married until death us do part. I realised whether I saw myself as married or not…I wasn’t! I know this sounds strange but I knew I still loved him, nothing could change that, I knew nothing would bring him back and finally I accepted …read more

It is a question that often comes up in my mind. Firstly, I feel guilty about even thinking about falling in love again, I feel I don’t want to love again as though that would somehow be wrong and yet I know that there is nothing I can do to bring him back. I am still alive and still have a life to live.
Life in reality is about love. We learn to love in our young lives through our families. Love is something that as humans we need, that we seek as a basic need of living happily.
Love is a …read more

I just love stories that show us hope, that show us that we can find love again. I read this heart warming story
Here is a snippett from the story of Edna L. Fugiel, 77, and Michael C. Fugiel, 88, for whom love has proved timeless and ageless.
“After my husband died, I wrote on a little piece of paper ‘Please God, give me someone to love me for who I am and for me to love. It disappeared from my dresser, and I think God took it,” she added.
Along with becoming acquainted in the bereavement group, the two danced together in …read more

Possibly one of the most famous widows is Yoko Ono, who was married to John Lennon. She is 74 now and is just launching a new album – at 74! Speaking on metromix.com she says
”

Although she hasn’t released an album of all-new material in more than a decade, she’s stayed current with remix records like the recent “Open Your Box,” featuring Basement Jaxx and Pet Shop Boys. But at the age of 74, Ono isn’t looking to define herself. Asked what audiences can expect from her on stage, she answers, “Me. They can expect me.”
For someone who lost the …read more

I got a comment about how to meet new people. I think the first thing I would say is that just like something that you have lost and are looking for – if you search too hard then you cannot find it! For me, it is about putting yourself back in a social circle, enjoying the company and looking for friendship that may grow in the future. Some ideas that I have are

Join a local interest club – walking, pottery, heritage, music
Take a course – learning a language, computer skills, cookery – whatever you would like to learn.
Hold a themed …read more

When you lose someone it is very difficult to ever see yourself loving another. And yet as humans we have this ingrained emotion that needs to be loved and to love. But will anyone ever take their place?
The answer is no, noone ever will. But your heart has lots of love, it may keep a place that is permanently full of love for your lost spouse, but it does create space for others. Remember, during the grief porcess you change, your priorities change, you grow emotionally. In reality, you are not the same person and because of that you are …read more