R = Remember the good times and think what you brought to them so that you can learn about what makes you and those around you happy.

E = Emotions. Reflect on the strength of yor love. How love has affected your life and understand that love is a wonderful asset to have had in your life and therefore in the future.

F = Friends. I am a great believer that it is during the bad times that you find your true friends. Reflect on your friendships before and after your bereavement and ensure you are valuing the right ones.

L = Learn how important it is to express the way that you feel with someone. Learn to use that going forward so that people know they are loved.

E = Ensure that you don’t reflect on just the good times. There were times that you argued…what were they? Were they really as important as they felt at the time? Learn that it is not the small things that are important and resolve that you will keep them in perspective in the future.

C = Create a legacy for your loved one. Take the memories of who they are and create something in the future that will allow their legacy to live on

T = Try to separate fact from fiction. Try and separate what you can change from what you cannot change. Being truthful to yourself is so important and that reflection will allow you to move on with your life.

Reflection can be emotive and cause depression. However if we take the thoughts and turn them into personal change, personal growth then we can turn a bad feeling into something that brings value into our lives.

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L= Love and to be loved

I = Inspire a legacy which you can be proud of

F= Family and friends and the human bonds that we create, share and experience together

E= Enjoy the rarest gift that we have been given life. You are given the chance to enjoy the world, life has to be about love and enjoyment

 That is my take – what would your L.I.F.E acronym stand for?

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One thing that I have had to learn is that when those feelings hit you  – and almost surprise you  – then you need to reach out for help. It is not a weakness it is a sign of strength that you know that you need help.

I phoned a friend who could not solve my issues or my worries but what they could do is make me feel needed…what they could do was move my thoughts from depressed to thinking about good things that will happen in the future.

I also went through many of my own posts would you believe and they gave me hope that the future would be brighter, that the future could be what I want to make it.  

When money is tight….always remember friendship is one thing you don’t need money for, friendship is priceless yet it costs nothing to give ..or as with me this weekend, receive. I am blessed with the friends that I have and know that no matter what we will get through the dark days and the great days together…

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Yes, I am another year older..yes, I would love to be surrounded by those people I have loved and lost..yes, I  sense the loneliness.

Yet today it is strange because of social networks like Twitter, Facebook and here at Widows Quest I have had so many messages. It just shows that there are friends out there that   care, people who mind whether you feel part of this world or lonely.

We often think we are alone, when if we look round there are so many people who do care about our grief. People who want to help us find that happiness again. It should not need a birthday for us all to realise that, and if you are in any doubt this blogger cares about YOU!

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1. Blogging:- I love this blog, I love the fact that I can share my feelings and that in some small way I can reach out to others, hopefully helping them through the bereavement process.
2. Twitter:- This is a really great way of seeing what other people are doing and also sharing tips with each other. It is what they call microblogging…which is a posh term for writing no more than 140 characters each time. So they are quick snippets….
3. Facebook:- This is a social networking tool which allows you to find friends, join groups, message people….and have a little fun on line. I have connected again with friends that I had lost touch with, which has been fantastic.
4. Podcasting:- I produce a podcast on business twice a week but I also produce a podcast with someone that I met online and this is about us losing weight – we have lost over 70lbs in weight…I would not have achieved my part without weighing in each week on line.
5. Google Reader:- This allows me to subscribe to blogs that are of interest to me and allows me to learn about new areas. When people post something new then I get it automatically….it makes me feel connected.

One of the joys of the world we live in is that we can have friends all over the world…that we can join communities that interest us, that we never need to feel alone……(of course we both know we still do!)

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1) Pay THANKS to my lost loved one for GIVING me the most wonderful years of my life. After all we can we may miss them but we were lucky enough to have had them in our lives and to have felt happiness with them.

2) Ensure that I am GIVING to others to show THANKS for them being in my life.

Thanks and Giving are 2 such underutilized words and actions in the world today. As widows or people who have felt the pain of loss, we should be at the forefront of giving thanks, of thanking others for giving…..we have had support, we have had love which has helped us through some of the rougher times in lives..how can we repay that support? By giving that support to others who may need that love   as much as we do.

Have a wonderful holiday and I would like to THANK YOU for GIVING me a purpose during the most difficult years of my life.

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People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that
person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet
a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide
you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally
or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient
time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship
to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire
fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you s ent up has been
answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn
has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you
must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to
accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use
in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind
but friendship is clairvoyant.

Post from: Widows Quest

Friends are a wonderful source of love, they give it unconditionally and can fill some of the void that you feel. I just wanted to say that always remember they are trying to help, trying to support you…forgive them little mistakes because they too are human. There will be times they forget your pain, but there are also times when without them you would be totally lost.

If you struggle to want to overcome the depression, the grief, the loneliness do it for them – they invest alot of their love in you, because they want you to survive. For their time and love investment in you, I think we owe them some love, friendship and the occasional smile back!

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But I know it makes my mum feel sad, so I always send a little gift to her…for her to open on this day. In the card, I always say that I am proud of the way she has coped and that I love her more each day….I know it means the world to her because someone shows that they care about her and her feelings.

If you have someone in your family who has lost someone, show that you care by a card, a letter…it will mean the world to them.

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She reminds me that moving on is not forgetting, it is living forward not in the past. You will never lose the stories but you cannot bring him back. That is the acceptance part. Once you can accept the reality, you can start living with him in your heart in a positive way. My dad used to tell me – don’t hold on to the things that you cannot change. That is true, as much as we want to change the fact someone has died we can’t. The future you can change so make sure that you cherish your life as you now know how precious life is….

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