Grieving means that we need to find a way of facing our future. Often people refer to letting go of the past and this can feel uncomfortable as a widow or widower. We don’t feel like – or ready to – let go of the memories and love. You can feel in some way guilty of moving on, in some way that the memories are the only thing left and if we give those up…then what?
It dawned on me when having our Widows Support Group, that are we really trying to let go? Or are we trying to let in?
Letting …read more

With yesterday being Good Friday, it made me thinkg about the ‘good’ ness you need in your life to ensure you come through the grief cycle. Here are 10 ‘Goodnesses’ for widows and widowers

Good friendship
Good health
Good nights sleep
Goodbye to yesterday, good day to tomorrow
Good hugs
Good healthy eating
Good news to inspire the new tomorrow
Good amount of courage
(A) Good time….(learning how to again!)
Good  luck

I am staring into my garden as I type this post and seeing the first shoots of Spring. As I watch the little buds I keep thinking

How amazing they know just when to come out and be safe from the harsh frosts
How each flower starts as a nervous bud until it feels ready to flower
How although they withstand an element of what nature throws at them, they still need certain elements to flourish – the right amount of light, the right nutrients etc

It just made me think how similar to a widow or widower. We are in many ways those …read more

I know that this will sound strange for someone who writes a blog on grief but I am very insular, very shy about talking about emotions. I think that is why blogging works for me. I never feel as though I am sharing my emotions, maybe it is the barrier of the computer screen.
It means that I never – or rarely – ever tell my friends how I am feeling. I am always ‘fine’ because I don’t want to be one of those people who always seem to be downloading. This last fortnight has been tough for me which has …read more

I want to thank you all for your kind words this week, I was trying to put into words how I feel about this community and then I read this poem ….and I thought it was so wonderful, it also reminded me of those that we miss so much
A Friend Most True
© Wendy Hinson 04.03.99
I need to know if you’re my true friend,
will you be by my side until the end?
Can I tell you my secrets deep,
and trust them in your heart you’ll keep?
We are neither of us without our flaws,
can you accept mine as I will yours?
I’ll be a …read more

2008 has been a strange year, a year when I have struggled with my mind. A year in which I have often had to fight hard against the depression and fight with my mind to know that life is so precious. It is a year when YOUR friendship helped me through my grief, YOUR friendship gave me hope, YOUR friendship gave me the strength to carry on and face my fears. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for grieving together and holding my hand as we both take small steps to peace and happiness.
Here is a quote from …read more

It is great to see that Widows Quest is helping people. Lynn left a comment on Watching Someone Die that made me think about the comfort this blog brings to me.
C =Creates a sense of belonging
O =Offers different perspectives to grief
M = Meaning – gives me meaning to each day, knowing that writing this blog may help one persons pain or connects me with another widow or widower.
F = Friendship that has no strings just one heart
O = Offers hope for the future
R = Raises my spirits on days when I don’t feel I can live through the pain …read more

This last couple of weeks have been hard for me as you know, illness always drains your energy and leaves you feeling low. Tonight my friend came over, and I realised the difference between friends and a “true” friend.T = Trustworthy. They value your friendship and you can trust them with your inner most thoughts, knowing that they will be confidential and stay true to your trust.R =  Reliability – they never let you down and always there when you need that friendship most.U = Understand when to talk and when to allow that silence.E  =  Expect nothing from you True …read more

I write a lot about friendship and the support of friends through the process of grief. I like this article at the Daily Record called The Power of Friendships which says
“When it comes to bereavement, women will have a strong source of support in her friends, while a man may have suffered a double bereavement, losing his wife and friend at the same time.”
Strong platonic friendships can be difficult to sustain, mainly because of other people’s perceptions of them.
“Most of us rarely stop to analyse our friendships, but knowing you have this bond with someone is an incredible source of …read more

I was wondering whether we could come up with a recipe for grief, for protecting that little old heart of ours from the pain of bereavement and losing the love of our lives? Here is my starter for 10, feel free to leave a comment on anything that may be missing
Our Grief Recipe
1 Hug per day
1 Box of Tissues to let the pain out
2 Pairs of Ears to listen without judgement
Several gasps of fresh air each day
1 Cushion to hold through the night
10 Photo albums to keep the memories alive
2 Smiles from people who care each day
1 Hope or …read more