1. Face the world without your loved one
2. Face the world who feel uncomfortable knowing what to say to you
3. Face the problems of others that seem “trivial” to you at this time
4. Not grieve. You want to be free to think about them, to weep for their loss.

But we know that loneliness will only make us feel worse. Some time alone I think is good just to come to terms but when you start rejecting the world, invitations on a regular basis – and even in my case shopping on the internet so I don’t have to bump into someone who is going to ask how I am! – then the time has come to talk to yourself.

Yesterday I was down, I was wondering what life was all about. But then a friend phoned and said “I bet you feel empty. I know that you won’t want to come out, so I am coming over, food in hand, drink in hand and we will have a good old catch up”

She has just arrived and I am so glad that she came over. Already she has brought an energy to the house. Friendship isn’t always about dragging people out of the house. Sometimes it is coming to them and providing almost a half way house to civilisation. Don’t reject those offers of friendships….see it as a sign that you are a good person who people care about….see it as a way slowly of moving through the grief cycle.

Post from: Widows Quest

1. Why is any day any more important than any other…when missing someone?
2. Time in some ways helps you cope with anniversaries but never takes away the pain.

I also find that the biggest benefit is that other people give you space, they understand that you may not be 100%, they accept more easily that you are grieving.

The rest of the time although you clearly will never get over the pain, people who don’t understand grief think that you should be progressing back to …what would you say ‘normality’? Mind you that then begs the question what is normal anyway

Somehow on an anniversary which in many ways to the widow and widower is just another day of heartache…the world stops judging you and allows you to grieve….they send cards, maybe ring, give you a hug….

In a way this seems harsh and yet I think the world is right…if the world constantly tiptoes round us then we will never get through the grief cycle?

How do you feel about anniversaries?

Post from: Widows Quest

• Stillness – you are so numb that you cannot move without really thinking about it.
• Constant movement – this is when you have to plan the funeral and you are almost in a state of constant movement.
• Laying down - when all the calls have stopped and you are on your own, you just lie there and cry.
• Curled up – as the grief strikes you just cannot face the world, you lie like a baby seeking that love that you miss so much.
• Huddled up like an old lady. This is when you are dragged out and about by people who want you to rejoin life. You don’t want to, you do it because you think you should or to please them. You can’t stand up straight as you feel naked to the world – naked to all the emotion and often pity.
• Stand up tall – this is when you have learned to cope a little better, you know that you can never change what has happened and are starting to face the world again.
• Dancing – you have made it…through the grief and back to happiness!

I wonder whether our conversation strikes a chord with any widows or widowers out there!

Post from: Widows Quest

When the darkness falls, remember the sun will rise in the morning

When the darkness falls, remember the sun is just resting

When the darkenss falls, remember even the night has stars

When the darkeness falls, remember tomorrow will be a new day.

Post from: Widows Quest

So what do I do to cope with the anger

1. I allow myself to be angry. Anger is a sign of grief. It is a sign that I am going through the grief cycle.
2. I talk to friends who understand that grief and who understand that I need to be angry.
3. I then put on some music that makes me smile, I sing at the top of my voice and just the upbeat music lightens the mood.

Now step 3 won’t work for all but in essence I think we cope with grief if we accept the anger, allow the anger out and then find something that takes the anger away, something that makes us smile……Cindy hope you are feeling better today.

[istockpoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

1. Good friendship
2. Good health
3. Good nights sleep
4. Goodbye to yesterday, good day to tomorrow
5. Good hugs
6. Good healthy eating
7. Good news to inspire the new tomorrow
8. Good amount of courage
9. (A) Good time….(learning how to again!)
10. Good  luck

Post from: Widows Quest

From love to anger and back again in 60 seconds.

In one sense I love it as after the death I thought I would never be able to feel again, that my whole emotional being had shut down so that I never had to hurt again….therefore the anger and the love, show me that underneath that protective layer I can still ..

I think in learning to cope it is not about getting rid of the emotions, it is about taking out the peaks and troughs of the emotion, it is about taking the emotions from an extreme like anger to a more liveable ’sad’

Death maybe the end in one sense, but death is only the start of finding more and more about yourself

Post from: Widows Quest

I often wonder why this natural part of the life cycle is so taboo?

• Is it because we reject pain as human beings?
• Is it because it feels unnatural as we believe somehow we should live forever?
• Is it because the words associated with it – like loss – are negative or harsh sounding – like death?
• Is it because it makes us face our own mortality?
• Is it because there are no words that can express our grief, or the grief of others?
• Is it because we feel we should be able to cope with bereavement?

I would love to know your thoughts and how we can break this taboo because widows and widowers will only move through the grief cycle when they can talk openly, when they receive empathy, we they can be empathetic to their own feelings. The pain we all feel is natural, the pain we all suffer is understood….so how do we ensure that society can cope with the subject of death? If we can find that answer then we may find that we are all more prepared for the loss of loved ones around us.

Post from: Widows Quest

There is no clear path to recovery, I jump all over the place…one day fine, the other depressed. I even feel sick at times just like a rollercoaster ride.

Maybe this is just me but from now on I think I will see my journey through grief as a rollercoaster….and remember a rollercoaster ride can be exhilarating and there are days when I am so proud of what I achieved that even that emotion consumes me.

Post from: Widows Quest

To be mean, is to be awful…..when we are searching for that meaning we can often be cruel to our own heart, mind and soul. We take them on a dark path, often depressive of nature in the hope that in the darkest moment we will find something bright…how ironic that the word mean has two such different definitions and yet so both true during the grief cycle.

Maybe we should think of it as in search for loving……maybe that way we can take our mind, body and soul on a happier journey of personal discovery

[istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest