I was inspired to write this post after seeing some wonderful comments from Maggie and Leslie in response to the post Eternal Love. Leslie wrote

“I think what I am doing lately is thinking too far in the future and all I can see is a life of loneliness. I should be concentrating on each day as it comes and I have had some really good ones lately.”

Grief is strange, we are dealing with the past…today…and trying to find a way of enjoying the future. So how do we do that? This is what helps me

• I have written down a sentence which I would love to be mylegacy when I die. I have then put 5 things that I need to do, for people to recognise that legacy. This gives me a dream.
• I then write down a plan for the progress I want to make over the next 12 months with 4 action points.
• I then each month think of what steps I need to be taking to achieve my 12 month aim.

Does it work…not every day!!!…But it gives me something to get up for, something to hope for and on good days gives me a purpose. I don’t know if it will help your grieving process but I thought I would share it with other Widows and Widowers.

Maybe we could talk about this at our online grief support meeting on 10 July?

Post from: Widows Quest

In the meantime a quick thought

“Grief is not something, it is a journey to somewhere”

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Post from: Widows Quest

• That a post will help that person sitting alone, thinking of giving up, that there is hope.
• That we build a community of grief support, that means there is someone here for every grieving person. No one needs to be truly alone.
• That through my growth I show people that there is a way of finding a new life.
• That through my honesty, I show people that for each 2 steps forward we will suffer a step back. That is normal and that it is a long process…but that we get there in the end.
• A way of sharing tips and tricks to overcoming the bereavement. We are all truly different and the more we share as a group of widows and widowers, the more we help each person find something that will help their loneliness, depression and grief.

I am not sure that all my wishes will come true, but isn’t the joy in the trying?

[istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

1.  Accepting his death. Accepting that it was better that he has gone than him suffering as much as he was…no matter how strong the pain, the pain would have been worse watching him suffer.
2. Allowing friends to persuade her to go out…”giving in” and as much as she did not want to go out, forcing herself into social situations.
3. The power of the telephone and talking to her friends – it provided comfort and also filled in those lonely hours.

Mum has done superbly well, Dad would be so proud of her….she has had bad times but here she is at 77,   coming up to 4 years without Dad and looking great. She is sat as I type, planning her next cruise….something she would never have done before!

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D= Determined to continue to live life to the fullest – and not waste the precious time we have on this earth.

I= Inner thoughts are so important. Your self talk is so strong, the more you can change the way you talk to yourself in a positive way, the more you start to move forward.

S= Sentimental! I never used to keep things, now I treasure all the little mementos.

C= Courage. It would be easy to fold but I found inner courage to face the fear of the future.

O= Openness. Before I kept my emotions very much to myself, now I allow others in and allow others to help me.

V= Value of family. Before I took for granted my family, now I invest time in the people who are so precious to me.

E= Empathy. I now empathise with people on a totally different level – it has made me a better person.

R= Resilience. I have had problems but I am coming through them – grief brings out that inner resilience that you didn’t even know you had.

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1. I always try and write Widows Quest positively to help you see that there is a future. I hope that sharing my bad day will help you see that, you are not alone with the darkness. No matter how far you have come, no matter how hard you try, the darkness can fall – it happens to us all, you are not alone with those feelings.
2. I am writing this post to reach out to you, the community is large and maybe I should take some of my own medicine and ask you for help today!
3. To share this thought. I was really, really down with tears welling in my eyes. I felt completely alone. I have got to know via blogging and podcasting, a wonderful lady in Ireland. I rang her, she did the two things that I needed. She listened, she reached out to me, and she said no matter what time day or night she was there for me. I tell this from two angles. Firstly, always be there for others – people often say they don’t know how to help, well listening is a huge help. Secondly when you face that darkness allow others in, allow others to reach out to you.As much as you feel you have to cope, sometimes you need help to cope – accept this is not a weakness but a strength to recognize when you need that support.

I know that I will come through this, even though at the moment I don’t see how. It is important to know that there is hope even on your dark days, there is help, there is a way through. If you are feeling like me today, share your thoughts in the comments, ring a friend, find a way of letting the emotion out. Life is special and worth ensuring that we get through this together

Post from: Widows Quest