Widows Quest » grieving process

Where do you find your energy?

Anna Farmery — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:43:45 +0000

Funny after going 3 nights without sleep or at least only cat naps by Nana’s bed…I still feel Ok. Yet if I only get 6 hrs on a ‘normal’ day I feel tired…when you are with someone so ill, so tired then this energy comes from nowhere. I suppose that it is not then a shock that your body needs time to recover through the grieving process.

The hospital offered us a room. Mum grabbed a few hours each night in there but when you are here, you just want to hold them and let them know they are not alone. The irony is that they are looking after themselves better than you are…

I wonder where that energy comes from, I wonder what store we have in our bodies that is only opened at traumatic events…I wonder how deep that store truly is?

Maybe it is that store that empties as you sit with them that then needs to refill over the coming weeks and months before it can be used again to draw on for that energy that helps you find life again….the emphasis must be on us understanding the need to refill it with positive energy.

Love to you all…..I am thinking of all of you today and drawing all the advice YOU have given me over the weeks and months.

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How work can help the grieving process

Anna Farmery — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 11:26:57 +0000

Work was difficult for me at the time of my loss. Work seemed insignificant. Work seemed trivial and pointless. This was from a person who if she is being honest, was a workaholic. I think I blamed work – and not me! – for taking too much time away from my loved ones. When in reality it had been my choice and those who loved me knew how work was important to me. It helped me define who I was…somehow.

So I was interested earlier this month to read about how work – in this case football – had helped Jermaine Defoe cope with the loss of his half brother. He said

“When you are playing, it is the only place you get away from everything. The reason why you play, get on with it and do so well is because that’s where you get your peace.”

I think work can be very useful to help cope with bereavement as long as you don’t use it to mask your pain. If you use it as an escape yet be honest outside of work and allow the pain to come out, then I think that is healthy.

Was work an escape or a trauma for you?

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Actor speaks about his Grief

Anna Farmery — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:08:37 +0000

Coronation Street is the most popular soap in the UK and William Roache one of the longest serving actors. He recently lost his wife, quite suddenly and when interviewed about his grief he said

“I’ve found the grieving process is not a straight line, it’s variable. You have a sort of numbness to begin with – a terrible grief - then great waves.”

“You have periods when you feel totally normal. It’s almost callous, as if life is just going on without Sara, and then of course it hits you on the back of the neck.”

“I know that we will be together again one day. That much I’m sure of. Sara was everything to me and no one could replace her – I would never want that.”

Callous is not a word that I have ever used, maybe for me because death at the end of the day is a normal part of life. However I so understand what he means. Your mind, your soul, your body….all have to learn to surf that dangerous wave of grief.

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Grief and Bereavement Articles

Anna Farmery — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 11:49:14 +0000

I love the community we have here at Widows Quest and all the links that you send me. In a comment to A Poem on Grief, I was given a link to Linda Angel which has an array of bereavement and grief articles.

I believe the more we understand grief, the more we understand how our emotions are natural, the greater the chance that we start to move through the grief cycle.

3 Tips I would say when reading articles

After reading the grief article – write down one learning that you will incorporate into your life.
Whilst reading about bereavement, try not to think about the loss, but the gains you have had for being in love and having a relationship that has brought so much happiness.
Print out the articles and highlight the key sentences. Use the sentences as a screensaver or on a post it note on your fridge. Anything to remind yourself that you are not on your own, that your feelings are normal and that you WILL get through this grieving process

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