During the bereavement process, guilt is one of the ugly emotions that causes the pain and stops you from moving forward. Three which I have felt

Guilt maybe about not being the perfect wife or husband
Guilt of moving forward
Guilt of not coping

But we must let go of the guilt because

There is nothing we can do about the past. No matter how much we regret or relive the moments we cannot change what has happened.
Moving forward is not about forgetting the past, it is about accepting the past and thinking towards the future. By not moving forward we won’t bring them back, …read more

Tonight is one of those nights, I feel all right, yet I just don’t want to go to bed…do you know the kind I mean? I somehow fear going to be ….alone. I keep staring at photo’s, at web pages not knowing what I am looking for but knowing that as tired as I am I don’t want to go close my eyes.
I hope that by sharing my feelings, I may help other widows or widowers who feel alone tonight, because in our loneliness we may find solitude together. And also as numb as I feel tonight, the one thing …read more

Over the last few days I have just wanted to sleep – not great when you are trying to work! When I get home I curl up on the sofa and grab a couple of hours and then look forward to going to bed. There was a time I couldn’t sleep now I cannot get enough sleep.
At first I fought the feeling now I  have decided to listen to my body…if it wants to sleep then I am going to give it sleep. I think one thing we need to do is to learn that our body has a wonderful …read more

Let’s hear it for a group celebration – “Yes, we have made it through another week…together!”
So to help us over the next week is the normal set of Sunday articles to help us think positively

Andrew Heath presents Privilege to Be with a Loved One at the Time of Death posted at Andy, saying, “My dad was one of my greatest heroes. This is my tribute to his legacy.”

Fruitpunch presents A relationship to last a lifetime posted at Fruit Punch Diary.

Alexander De Foe presents Supercharge Your Creative Power posted at SpiritualBlog.com.
Anna presents How to be a successful failure posted at …read more

Guilt is destructive to our minds. Guilt is something that can erode our self confidence and our ability to live a normal happy life. I understand how guilt occurs with widows and widowers through regret, mistakes…however we need to understand what is causing the guilt and then work on the underlying reasons.
G =Give yourself an emotional break! You are human, you make mistakes…unfortunately our imperfection causes us pain however in our imperfection lies our “humanness”
U = Understand that if the guilt is over someone who has died, there is little practical things we can do. Concentrate not on what went …read more

I have been thinking lately about life, amazing how you look at life in a different way when you witness a death of a human being. I am coming to the conclusion that everyone is driven by something – fear, guilt, anger or the need to be loved.
Bereavement affects how you view and indeed live life. It can be guilt over the loss of your loved one, it   may be fear of coping in the future, it may be anger at someone dying, it may be that loss of feeling loved. I think it is important that we think …read more

…I received a heart wrenching email from someone who was ready to finish it all, ready to give in to the grief and bring an end to the heartache. I can so understand that feeling, I can so understand how people reach that point BUT I beg any of you who have those thoughts to think of these few thoughts…

Death does not bring an end to pain…just yours. Those around you who are already suffering, would then have more pain to deal with, more guilt to deal with…I am sure that you love your family and friends and if you …read more

2008 is here and I wish you all a wonderful year. This year is our chance to rebuild our lives and rebuild the   happiness around us. To do that, we need to lose that guilt over enjoying ourselves as though somehow that means we are forgetting our loved ones…enjoyment is not about forgetting, enjoyment is about moving past the pain and seeing that no matter how sad you are, that will never change the reality of death. We owe ourselves, we owe our family, we owe our friends and we owe our lost love…the chance to know that we …read more

Loneliness is awful, it can feed your depression, it can riddle your body with self doubt or even doubt about the value of life. I have always tried to keep busy when I feel lonely – going to the shops, reading a book, watching a film, ringing a friend. Then my best friend said to me…”you know you shouldn’t fear the silence…learn to embrace it. After all there would have been times when you would have loved to have some time to yourself in the past”
She has a point…so I hear are my positive thoughts on being alone.

I can read …read more

 It is now nearing 100 days since Madeleine McCann went missing. My heart goes out to the family – mixing a sense of loss with a sense of hope. They blog about their story at  Bring Madeleine Home
One sentence from yesterday moved me 
“We continue to hope and pray daily for that vital breakthrough or sighting that will lets us be reunited as a family. ”
We don’t know if Madeleine is alive or no longer with us and yet this family will be suffering much of the pain that affects widows – loss, depression, loneliness, guilt, feelings of despair.  As …read more