“If grass can grow through cement, love can find you at every time in your life.”

Now I am not saying that we must find love, I honestly believe that if it is meant to be then love will find you. What I AM saying is that we should not rule it out no matter how alien it seems. Why? Because I have met so many people who have found love again, people who said that they would never want to be with someone else. They have found a new style of love often based on a deep friendship and understanding. They have – and never will -forget their loved one, they just recognise that no matter how much they want them to come back…they never will and that they still have a heart and a life to live.

I can at this moment just never imagine being with someone else, but I also know that I cannot afford to shut down my emotions. Love comes in many different forms and that to deny yourself the chance in the future is almost to deny your very soul of being human. If love comes then great, if not then I know that I will be OK, as I have a heart that felt the great joy of love.

Post from: Widows Quest

“I felt that although he was the one who was sick I was the one who was dying”

I know that this sentence will hit straight at the heart of each of  you. I know it does to me. As humans we live off the life of others, we live for others, we feed off the love of others. When our loved ones are taken that source of life is taken from us.

It is easy therefore to think that we can not live on, that somehow we have died as well. I know that I have thought that way. However, we must realise that in truth we are our own beings, that we breath the air through our own independence. A part of our heart may have died but we are very much still alive.

The difficult bit is finding a new source of inspiration, a new source of love and friendship to help us fulfil that need that humans have…..and the only way we can do that is

1. To allow time for our heart to heal the wounds of loss.
2. Then to start to rejoin life as a source of finding that new inspiration
3. Acknowledge that this will be hard, it will be against what our minds will want to do. But at this point we must override that urge to isolate and force ourselves back to…well, normality.
4. In taking these first few steps, know that it will be painful, lonely and uncomfortable but in time it will become easier
5. To know that living again is not about forgetting but about feeding our soul. Guilt can overcome you, but I know that if I could speak to Nana for instance, she would want me to live past her death and to live a life which she could be proud of…

Death may numb part of our heart which has loved intensely but hearts recover in time. Death may part us from our loved ones, but it can never take that love away. Death may challenge your beliefs but that is a good thing…..without that challenge we could take for granted this wonderful world and not enjoy the little things in life which make this world so special.

Post from: Widows Quest

• Guilt maybe about not being the perfect wife or husband
• Guilt of moving forward
• Guilt of not coping

But we must let go of the guilt because

1. There is nothing we can do about the past. No matter how much we regret or relive the moments we cannot change what has happened.
2. Moving forward is not about forgetting the past, it is about accepting the past and thinking towards the future. By not moving forward we won’t bring them back, and remember punishing ourselves will only keep the hurt.
3. Grief is a huge emotion, we will learn to cope but that will come with time. We all learn to cope at different rates and whether you are a fast or slower learner…then both are OK.

Guilt can fester at our soul, and the only positive way of dealing with it is to think about what you want to change for the future so that you won’t have any regrets again.

Post from: Widows Quest

I hope that by sharing my feelings, I may help other widows or widowers who feel alone tonight, because in our loneliness we may find solitude together. And also as numb as I feel tonight, the one thing that I have not lost is that sense of hope that each day I cope with the grief, I am one step nearer from finding that happiness again.

In films they may say..tomorrow is another day, but in grief I think we need to say

Tomorrow is another step….

[istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

At first I fought the feeling now I  have decided to listen to my body…if it wants to sleep then I am going to give it sleep. I think one thing we need to do is to learn that our body has a wonderful way of talking to us, of telling us when it needs to recover. Yet, I feel guilty at sleeping like a baby, of sleeping when I should be doing things…

I realise that guilt is such a powerful emotion in the journey through the grief cycle…..guilt at now   loving them more, guilt at what I could have done differently, guilt at smiling, now guilt at even sleeping….do you think there comes a time when your body says …”Enough guilt?“

Post from: Widows Quest

So to help us over the next week is the normal set of Sunday articles to help us think positively

Andrew Heath presents Privilege to Be with a Loved One at the Time of Death posted at Andy, saying, “My dad was one of my greatest heroes. This is my tribute to his legacy.”

Fruitpunch presents A relationship to last a lifetime posted at Fruit Punch Diary.

Alexander De Foe presents Supercharge Your Creative Power posted at SpiritualBlog.com.

Anna presents How to be a successful failure posted at The Engaging Brand 

Patrick Schwerdtfeger presents Are you capable of success? posted at Tactical Execution, saying, “The first step in success is a belief system that supports the achievement of that objective.”

Dereck presents How to become what you want to become, in about two days posted at I Will Not Die.

John Wolfe presents Freeing Ourselves of Guilt posted at Wind of the Soul.

Gary Evans presents 3 Ways To Detach From An Outcome posted at Good To Feel Good.

Adam presents Excellence Vs Perfection – Are You Sabotaging Yourself? posted at Let Us Grow.

GreatManagement presents Get Rid Of Your Bad Habits Once And For All posted at The GreatManagement Blog, saying, “Make changing your habits easy”

Chris Edgar presents Releasing Our Need To Be “Taken Seriously” posted at Purpose Power Coaching, saying, “Transitioning to a career that has us feel more fulfilled—and overcoming the anxieties in the way of the change—is a big achievement. Unfortunately, making this kind of transition usually doesn’t render our lives anxiety-free. One of our big post-transition worries is often that people no longer “take us seriously.” In this article, I talk about how we can transcend this fear by putting our attention on what we’re contributing in our new career rather than how it’s perceived.”

Peter Murphy presents How to Find Inspiration When You Need to Get Motivated posted at Get Motivated Stay Motivated, saying, “This is a practical article on how to find inspiration when you need to get into action. I hope your carnival readers will find it useful. Good luck with the carnival!”

Crystal Nichols presents You are blessed. Now act like it! posted at Christian in the Corporate World.

David B. Bohl presents Note to Your Inner Child: Childlike and Childish Are Not the Same Thing posted at Slow Down Fast Today!, saying, “Too many people confuse connecting with their inner child and living irresponsibility or cultivating a lack of maturity.”

Michael Miles presents The Silva Mind Control Method posted at Effortless Wealth and Abundance.

Heather Johnson presents How Positive is Positive Reinforcement? posted at Professor Luongo’s Blog Site.

CG Walters presents Union of Twin Flames Changes Reality posted at Into the Mist, saying, “Cause and effect are not linear. Change, or an unfolding horizon, seeks out the most receptive individuals in which to manifest its own beginning.”

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our submission form.

Post from: Widows Quest

G =Give yourself an emotional break! You are human, you make mistakes…unfortunately our imperfection causes us pain however in our imperfection lies our “humanness”

U = Understand that if the guilt is over someone who has died, there is little practical things we can do. Concentrate not on what went wrong in the past but how that can turn into the right thing for the future – which is in your hands.

I = Idolise them not! We can punish ourselves for our imperfection whilst seeing our loved ones as perfect. Somehow death make us remember the good, not the frailties in their personality. I found that once I didn’t feel guilty remembering the true person – the one who had good and bad traits….then I could understand how my guilt occurred. You loved them because they weren’t perfect!

L = Love is not perfect. Love is about accepting each other for the good and the bad. A missed word, a silly argument before death does not take away our love…it shows our love as it overcomes those mistakes.

T = Try to write down one thing that you could do through learning from the guilt. So if you had a silly argument then resolve to never go to bed before resolving any problems in the future….if you hadn’t said you loved them recently, then tell people around you what value you bring to their lives.

[image by istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

Bereavement affects how you view and indeed live life. It can be guilt over the loss of your loved one, it   may be fear of coping in the future, it may be anger at someone dying, it may be that loss of feeling loved. I think it is important that we think about what is driving us because whatever it is, is taking control of our minds. If we can think about the emotions inside of us, then we can start addressing the issue.

I think as human beings we are at our happiest when we are in control of our lives, in control of our emotions…to regain that control we need to not let the past shape our future. So here are a couple of questions that I am starting to ask myself, maybe they will help you too

• What emotion is driving my life?
• How can I face that emotion so that I can regain control of my life?

Post from: Widows Quest

• Death does not bring an end to pain…just yours. Those around you who are already suffering, would then have more pain to deal with, more guilt to deal with…I am sure that you love your family and friends and if you do, please don’t take away your love from them.
• Death is a short term fix with no upside. By talking, by getting help you will get over the pain in the long term and the upside is finding a way to enjoy life again…and even love again.
• We have all felt like that, felt that no one could possibly imagine the pain…but at Widows Quest we are living proof that with time, you can come through…you are not alone…and weaker people than yourself have found a way through. Don’t give up now, you don’t know how close you are to finding comfort.
• Would that be what your spouse would have wanted…really? I know that would not have been the case with me, they would want me to carry on, to enjoy living again…whilst they watch over me and wait for me. But they would not have wanted me to give up the chance of helping this world be a better place.
• There are so many people who do not get a choice when their   body fails them, I feel life is too precious to cast it aside.
• You need help, you need support, you need someone to reach out and make the pain go away….there are people – friends, family, your doctor, groups, blogs like Widows Quest that can be there for you. They want to be there for you. Don’t give up on life because you are too scared to ask…..to weak to ask….to proud to ask…

Post from: Widows Quest

 

• I want to concentrate on  my health. In 2007 I lost 60lbs and feel so much better for that, now I need to get well after this operation and ensure that I exercise at least 3 times per week.
• I want to establish a work goal, one that allows me to continue to reach out to others but also one that allows the bills to be paid.
• I want to find further ways of helping friends and family and creating special moments in their lives.
• I want to work on my feelings of guilt.

They say that New Year resolutions don’t work, well I have achieved 3 out of last years 4….it is about keeping them fresh, keeping them at the top of mind. It is also really wanting the change, really deep down wanting that change..then you will make it happen.

2008 will see more heartache, more sadness but it will also see joyous events, memoral days, laughing, happiness – why do I know this? well, that is the eternal beauty of life

Post from: Widows Quest