Many posts are about how this is our life and we shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting, about needing to find some happiness without our loved one. However…
I think we also need to set our own boundaries. I know how easy it is to think I must try and pull myself together for others, I will have to do it for them…and although there may be an element of using the love of others to pull you through your grief, I also think that we need to set our own boundaries.
Boundaries protect us while our heart heals, boundaries give us some …read more

I spent some time in my garden last night and pruned some of the overgrown bushes back. When I had finished, there were loads of glorious green leaves on the lawn, but as it started to rain I decided to leave them until tonight.
When I look at them now – it is still raining and they are still there! – the leaves are already dying, rotting, limp on the grass.
It just shows how nature only survives on constant nurturing. As humans we are the same, if we cut ourselves off from the outside world then we will wither and die …read more

I was a huge Princess Diana fan, and I have felt so deeply for her two boys since her death in 1997. As I often remark I cannot imagine going through your grief under the public eye, I cannot imagine doing that as a child.
This week Prince William became the Royal Patron of the Childrens Bereavement Charity and spoke about his grief as a child. I particularly connected to two things that he said.
1) Initially, there is a sense of profound shock and disbelief that this could ever happen to you. Real grief often does not hit home until much …read more

…just remember that you are its friend, its confidente, its means of recovery. It means
B = Being there to let it cry as crying relieves the pain
R = Remembering that even when a vase breaks, all it needs is some glue to put it back together. That glue in grief is hope, love and friendship
E = Enjoyment. Your heart needs to balance pain with enjoyment. Enjoyment is the fuel for it to grow and mend. Don’t feel guilty about laughing, going out …..your heart needs that to mend that break, it needs the fuel of life to cope with death. …read more

We are all struggling at the moment with our sense of loss and our grief, so I thought I would send you some heart warming news. Today it is my Nana’s 99th birthday. She lost her husband 16 years ago and did not feel that she wanted to live another day, in fact she didn’t want to live another day without him. She is a wonderful example of how widows and widowers can find a new life, no matter how old they are…..
Today she is definitately frail but she still enjoys being around us all and brings a lot of …read more

It struck me today how widows and widows are often searching for meaning to their new lives, how they suffer because of that search for real “meaning”…….and I suddenly realised the irony!
To be mean, is to be awful…..when we are searching for that meaning we can often be cruel to our own heart, mind and soul. We take them on a dark path, often depressive of nature in the hope that in the darkest moment we will find something bright…how ironic that the word mean has two such different definitions and yet so both true during the grief cycle.
Maybe we …read more

I received a heart wrenching email yesterday, from a reader who just couldn’t face the world. She finished the email saying that I couldn’t know how she felt…..
That is true, none of us can know how someone else is feeling. However, I believe that hope is much better than despair. Let me tell you a true story.
Her heart was breaking, her grief was overwhelming her. She couldn’t face life without him. She spent a week tidying her house, setting her finances straight, seeing her friends….then went and bought her tablets and her drink which was finally going to make her …read more

To all my US friends I hope that this holiday season treats you well, I know that holidays are in so many ways tough for people in grief but here are 4 ways to give thanks

Give thanks to all those around you, whose love has kept you strong
Give thanks to to your heart for caring so much about you that it has kept beating despite all the pain.
Give thanks for our community at Widows Quest  – there for all our bad days, to smile on the good days and most of all, to always listen and never judge.
Give thanks …read more

I was with Mum yesterday, and she started to cry when a song came on the radio. I held her hand as she talked to me about the emptiness that she felt since Dad died. As widows and widowers, we all understand that feeling – that feeling that engulfs you when you least expect it.As we walk around we look the same, maybe a little sadder, maybe a little more remote but in essence we look the same. Yet inside our souls there is a difference, there is an emptiness that leaves a huge void in our heart, in our …read more

As you know it was the anniversary of Dad’s death last week, Mum coped really well. I phoned her on the night and she was really cheerful, laughing with my Aunt. She said, “Oh Anna, this one date is no more important than all the other days in the year. I miss him every day.”Then last night, I phoned her to hear great sobbing at the other end of the phone. She had been away at my Aunt’s last week and that I believe that had helped her cope with the annivesary. When she returned home, she was engulfed with loneliness, depression …read more