Grieving is so hard to explain, that I wonder why as human beings we even try to explain? Maybe it is just me but somehow I want to try and explain the feeling and in reality there are no words that fully describe bereavement, mainly because it changes so fluidly.
It just made me think how for all the words we have in the world, we cannot explain
It just made me think how for all the words in the world why try, as it won’t help someone understand unless they have suffered the same grief?
It just made me think that we …read more

A blogging friend requires our help and I know what a fantastic community we all are at Widows Quest.
Marijke who writes the wonderful Help My Hurt blog and as part of another site called Seniors Support has “designed a survey on living wills that I have a very ambitious goal for – 1000 responses. I have a little over 100 now …. I’m trying to get responses from all sorts of groups, from seniors themselves to gen x-ers, to the so-called sandwich generation and just about anyone else.
I wonder whether some of your readers would help me achieve my goal  …read more

Over the last couple of weeks as you know I have been struggling and yes, sometimes giving up “seems” easy. I would escape the pain, I would escape knowing how to turn my life around, I would escape having to find a way of rebuilding my life.
Yet is it so easy?
You think of people YOU will hurt, you think of people that will MISS you, you think of how others would give anything to be alive, you think of whether death is an appealing alternative…..
Giving up may seem an easier alternative however it would be hardest on the people you …read more

Many of us are coping with strange weather at the moment and it reminds me of the bereavement process
Heavy rain – The tears that flow
Clouds – The depression that can overtake us
Sunshine – Despite the pain, there are days when we learn to smile and also make others smile
Thunderstorms – The problem that appear that we feel that we cannot cope with, remember that the world sometimes need the storms, afterwards the air seems clearer…I think that is true for us too, we need to have the lows to appreciate the joys of life.
Freezing – When you lose someone you …read more

A few days ago, I had a shock. Mum collapsed with no warning and although she is OK now it really sent the shivers down my spine. Having lost Dad, somehow I always feel that Mum will go on forever – her family is VERY long living (Her mother is almost 98 and still as strong as ever) – and suddenly I realised that no one lives forever.
It is so easy to start fear losing people and through that fear to start not taking the risk of getting close to people as you try and protect yourself from hurt. With …read more

I will continue to hope
I will continue to love
I will continue to believe
I will continue to hurt  
I will continue to survive
I will continue to be the person he fell in love with….

On those days that you just don’t feel like….well, living…how do you get yourself moving, facing the day. This is the toughest thing to get through for me, because you just don’t feel like smiling, like doing anything. One of my friends took me a side and said “Look, if you do something or do nothing then you will still feel miserable. But if you do something you might feel better, if you do nothing you will not”
This is maybe not wanted to hear at the time but it is true. If I feel low now, I get a pen …read more

Do you suffer from a mind that keeps talking to you in a negative way? You know the kind of comments like “My life is over”, “There is nothing to live for”. Well, one way to view these kind of comments is to see them as your mind hurting, your mind is as hurt as your broken heart. You need to support it and talk to it, help it through its grief!
Challenging your thoughts is difficult but to get through the grieving cycle you must try….ask yourself what is the evidence? How do you know? What are the facts?
These kind …read more

He understood me,  he understood my uniqueness….what made me who I am. Of course I miss the physical hugs and presence but the void for me was the emotional support. Every one of us is unique, every one of us have a different DNA makeup….and somehow he understood me. He knew my thoughts or reaction before I ever did!
Part of coming through the grief is believing that I know myself too – that I can stand on my own 2 feet when faced with problems. And do you know, my reactions have changed…I am a better person for having the hurt. I was …read more

One reason that I am asking for entries for a Carnival on Sunday on how to turn your life around, is to highlight that as time goes by, the people around you may start to forget your pain. But that pain never goes away, it eases of course but the feeling of losing someone special NEVER goes away. What we do is learn to cope.
My friends have the date of the anniversary in their diary and we all get together to celebrate his life. Making a note of other people’s days is important so that you can acknowledge their pain and support them through. Maybe a …read more