Widows Quest » hurt http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest Redefine Yourself and Rediscover Life after a Loss Wed, 23 Dec 2009 17:57:44 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 en hourly 1 Explaining grief…. http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/explaining-grief/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/explaining-grief/#comments Tue, 16 Jun 2009 19:50:55 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/?p=1523 Post from: Widows Quest

]]> Grieving is so hard to explain, that I wonder why as human beings we even try to explain? Maybe it is just me but somehow I want to try and explain the feeling and in reality there are no words that fully describe bereavement, mainly because it changes so fluidly.

It just made me think how for all the words we have in the world, we cannot explain

It just made me think how for all the words in the world why try, as it won’t help someone understand unless they have suffered the same grief?

It just made me think that we would hurt so much less if we just didn’t think!

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/explaining-grief/feed/ 3 Living Wills http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/living-wills/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/living-wills/#comments Tue, 06 Jan 2009 19:28:06 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/?p=1238 Post from: Widows Quest

]]> A blogging friend requires our help and I know what a fantastic community we all are at Widows Quest.

Marijke who writes the wonderful Help My Hurt blog and as part of another site called Seniors Support has “designed a survey on living wills that I have a very ambitious goal for – 1000 responses. I have a little over 100 now …. I’m trying to get responses from all sorts of groups, from seniors themselves to gen x-ers, to the so-called sandwich generation and just about anyone else.

I wonder whether some of your readers would help me achieve my goal  or pass on news of the survey or know of some people who may want to do it. Anyway, the survey is at http://tinyurl.com/livingwills if you’d like to check it out .”

I hope we can help out and provide some great feedback.

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/living-wills/feed/ 1 Giving Up Seems So Easy…. http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/giving-up-seems-so-easy/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/giving-up-seems-so-easy/#comments Mon, 16 Jun 2008 18:29:07 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/giving-up-seems-so-easy/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> Over the last couple of weeks as you know I have been struggling and yes, sometimes giving up “seems” easy. I would escape the pain, I would escape knowing how to turn my life around, I would escape having to find a way of rebuilding my life.

Yet is it so easy?

You think of people YOU will hurt, you think of people that will MISS you, you think of how others would give anything to be alive, you think of whether death is an appealing alternative…..

Giving up may seem an easier alternative however it would be hardest on the people you love…fighting through the depression may be hard but from all the comments I see and all the people who I know have handingrass1.jpg come through grief, to find a new life, can and will be worthwhile :)

Come on let’s do it together!

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/giving-up-seems-so-easy/feed/ 4 The Widows Weather Chart http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/the-widows-weather-chart/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/the-widows-weather-chart/#comments Sat, 08 Dec 2007 14:06:31 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/the-widows-weather-chart/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> Many of us are coping with strange weather at the moment and it reminds me of the bereavement process

Heavy rain – The tears that flow

Clouds – The depression that can overtake ussunset.jpg

Sunshine – Despite the pain, there are days when we learn to smile and also make others smile

Thunderstorms – The problem that appear that we feel that we cannot cope with, remember that the world sometimes need the storms, afterwards the air seems clearer…I think that is true for us too, we need to have the lows to appreciate the joys of life.

Freezing – When you lose someone you lose that warmth of those hugs…that love that envelops you. You can feel lonely and cold…but remember that coldness melts with time.  

Nature needs the different climates, it needs the circle of life……we have to learn to weather the storm!

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/the-widows-weather-chart/feed/ 0 Fear of Loss http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/fear-of-loss/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/fear-of-loss/#comments Tue, 20 Nov 2007 21:13:24 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/fear-of-loss/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> A few days ago, I had a shock. Mum collapsed with no warning and although she is OK now it really sent the shivers down my spine. Having lost Dad, somehow I always feel that Mum will go on forever – her family is VERY long living (Her mother is almost 98 and still as strong as ever) – and suddenly I realised that no one lives forever.

It is so easy to start fear losing people and through that fear to start not taking the risk of getting close torosesfromtop.jpg people as you try and protect yourself from hurt. With anything worth having, in this case the love of a human being, there is always risks involved. But do you know, no matter the pain I have had through loss, the joy of having those memories and the love of those people for outweighs the downside. We should never fear loss,   loss is part of the circle of life……..

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/fear-of-loss/feed/ 0 As long as I continue to breath… http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/as-long-as-i-continue-to-breath/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/as-long-as-i-continue-to-breath/#comments Tue, 14 Aug 2007 19:02:49 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/as-long-as-i-continue-to-breath/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> I will continue to hope

I will continue to lovegirlfence.JPG

I will continue to believe

I will continue to hurt  

I will continue to survive

I will continue to be the person he fell in love with….

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/as-long-as-i-continue-to-breath/feed/ 1 How to motivate yourself http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/how-to-motivate-yourself/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/how-to-motivate-yourself/#comments Fri, 17 Nov 2006 14:03:45 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/how-to-motivate-yourself/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> On those days that you just don’t feel like….well, living…how do you get yourself moving, facing the day. This is the toughest thing to get through for me, because you just don’t feel like smiling, like doing anything. One of my friends took me a side and said “Look, if you do something or do nothing then you will still feel miserable. But if you do something you might feel better, if you do nothing you will not”

This is maybe not wanted to hear at the time but it is true. If I feel low now, I get a pen and a piece of paper and wrote down 5 minor thing that I was going to do. Each sentence began with a verb, and had a positive feel. Now sometimes I didn’t achieve all 5 but at least I did something. To start with it was as simple as “Shower and get dressed in my favourite clothes!” “Shop for my favourite food” “Ring…..” Anything….then tick them off, and give yourself a treat for achieving something. Sounds daft, but althought the grief doesn’t go away for part of the day my mind was occupied which helped me cope.

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/how-to-motivate-yourself/feed/ 0 How to overcome the negative thoughts http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/how-to-overcome-the-negative-thoughts/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/how-to-overcome-the-negative-thoughts/#comments Mon, 13 Nov 2006 16:26:00 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/how-to-overcome-the-negative-thoughts/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> Do you suffer from a mind that keeps talking to you in a negative way? You know the kind of comments like “My life is over”, “There is nothing to live for”. Well, one way to view these kind of comments is to see them as your mind hurting, your mind is as hurt as your broken heart. You need to support it and talk to it, help it through its grief!brain.jpg

Challenging your thoughts is difficult but to get through the grieving cycle you must try….ask yourself what is the evidence? How do you know? What are the facts?

These kind of questions make you cut through the hurt and look at the reality…the reality is that you are in emotional crisis for certain but the fact is that you will mend the broken heart and heal the hurting mind. You need to support your body, and ask the questions that show that no matter how much the hurt you will survive and find happiness again.

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/how-to-overcome-the-negative-thoughts/feed/ 3 What I miss….the understanding of my emotions http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/what-i-missthe-understanding-of-my-emotions/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/what-i-missthe-understanding-of-my-emotions/#comments Fri, 10 Nov 2006 10:07:32 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/what-i-missthe-understanding-of-my-emotions/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> He understood me,  he understood my uniqueness….what made me who I am. Of course I miss the physical hugs and presence but the void for me was the emotional support. Every one of us is unique, every one of us have a different DNA makeup….and somehow he understood me. He knew my thoughts or reaction before I ever did!lovingcouple.jpg

Part of coming through the grief is believing that I know myself too – that I can stand on my own 2 feet when faced with problems. And do you know, my reactions have changed…I am a better person for having the hurt. I was thinking last night – as much as he knew me, I have changed and grown. It is now me that knows me best – and that feels good, he would like that to!

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/what-i-missthe-understanding-of-my-emotions/feed/ 0 People soon forget your pain and grief http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/people-soon-forget-your-pain-and-grief/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/people-soon-forget-your-pain-and-grief/#comments Fri, 03 Nov 2006 09:01:06 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/people-soon-forget-your-pain-and-grief/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> One reason that I am asking for entries for a Carnival on Sunday on how to turn your life around, is to highlight that as time goes by, the people around you may start to forget your pain. But that pain never goes away, it eases of course but the feeling of losing someone special NEVER goes away. What we do is learn to cope.

My friends have the date of the anniversary in their diary and we all get together to celebrate his life. Making a note of other people’s days is important so that you can acknowledge their pain and support them through. Maybe a handwritten note, a card, a call……just show that you care. The more we do it for others, the more that we change the world! 

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