The 5th of November, 6 years ago at 8.08pm was a sad day for our family. We lost Dad who was such a wonderful gentleman..and gentle man. I will never forget being there with mum as he said goodbye to the world with fireworks lighting up the earth (It is Bonfire night in the UK on the 5th) We always liked to think of that as the world celebrating his life and sending him on his way with such a fitting tribute.
Today I am in London, away from my special mum who I know reads this blog. I hope that …read more

I wonder when the pain will subside
I wonder when I will feel that I am finally free
Free from the pain I wake with everyday
And stops me from smiling and from being truly me.

I wonder when I will look forward to life
To meeting with friends and enjoying the day
As life goes by, with me surviving not living
And me fighting the sense I have just lost my way

I wonder when I will be able to fall asleep
Peacefully, rather than feeling so low
I wonder when I will be able to say
I love you, I miss you but now I must go

And find a …read more

It has been a while since I jotted down my thoughts. Tonight grief is leaving me numb…not happy, not sad just numb..I wrote this down and maybe you will connect with this kind of grieving
When we face those days when we don’t know how
To face the world and carry on
We must remember that life is a gift to all
And remember to smile and stand up tall
A smile can wash away the fears
And a hug from a friend take away the tears
Grief is not easy but then life is hard too
It is not what we think it is what we all …read more

This week I have had to be in three places at once, I have not slept more than five hours a night, my house is an absolute tip, money is tight and there is no one sat near me to hold me and say “Don’t worry I love you”
Now don’t worry I am OK, I just need an early night – I know there will be no problem sleeping tonight! – but earlier I just started to smile because when life seems as though it is out of control….sometimes the best thing is to take off the shoes, put on …read more

There is an ongoing conversation at the blog post Watching Someone Die, which made me think of final acts of love. If any of you have examples let me know – anna@b5media.com, and I will share with everyone. In my comment, I talked about how Dad seemed to wait until after my sister had left the room to die, so he didn’t leave her with the picture of him dying….I believe it was his final act of love for a daughter he knew was not emotionally strong enough to see that final breath.I think there were other acts of love, like..

 Saying he wanted …read more

At the weekend I posted an emotional letter – Can Anyone Help a Widow? – from a reader whose parent is struggling to come to terms with her grief. I thought about this long and hard as I want to help. I think my suggestion would be writing to her mother. At the moment, her mother needs closure, she cannot see a way forward without her husband. I think I would write and say something like
Mum,
I want you to know how much you mean to me, how much I love you. At the moment I spend the day thinking about …read more

I would love to hear your top 5 as well – and I will publish them for everyone to read. Here are my 5 changes to my personality

I never put the phone down without saying “I love you” to the people closest to me.
I make time each week to give back to friends and family. No matter how busy my week, I never put off going to see the people closest to me.
I am less decisive, I know that…I think!!! I seem to lack self confidence on knowing what to do, I need to work on that desperately.
I reminisce and …read more

Sandra from Families Against Crime  left a comment to PS I Love You giving the back story of the book that I talked about and explaining how this book of poetry, dedicated to all those we have lost to a violent crime…. came to being.She also left a link to a tribute website for Matthew Martins which again is a wonderful way of expressing your feelings and building a memorial to our lost loved ones. This is part of what she says
“This is for all those who have lost a child, mother, father, brother, or sister due to a …read more

I have been working out in the USA this last week, I have just got home and Mum has told me how one of her best friends has just died. He didn’t feel ill – just went in for a regular check up for diabetes, they found a problem took him in to hospital. They operated on his heart, then his kidney failed. He was dead within a couple of days…wow!
I am so glad I visited him before I went to the USA. He was on fine form and I had no idea that would be the last time I …read more

Oh wow, there are times when my heart just aches at the pain of death. Rather than comment too much I will let you read a blog post from a soldier who died – he left a blog post to be published in case of his death.
Here is a snippet but suggest you read his thoughts in full -
“What I don’t want this to be is a chance for me, or anyone else, to be maudlin. I’m dead. That sucks, at least for me and my family and friends. But all the tears in the world aren’t going to bring …read more