Today I am in London, away from my special mum who I know reads this blog. I hope that regular readers won’t mind me taking this change to say this to mum

Mum…there isn’t a daughter more proud in the world of how you have coped in grief. I know how much you loved Dad, I know how much he loved you and my fear was that you would give up fighting. You have managed to build a life and yet still be there for us …..for that, if it is possible, I love you more each day.

On this day when we will always remember losing Dad, I also want to pay tribute to you. You are a wonderful mum, full of such love and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you….well maybe stroke a chicken so phobia’s excluded!)….I will always miss Dad but having your love, support and strength makes this world a better place.

Dad….we will never forget you, never…hope wherever you are, you have plenty of chocolate gingers to eat….and as I suspect can watch your family continue to grow because of the love you gave them xxx

Post from: Widows Quest

I wonder when the pain will subside

I wonder when I will feel that I am finally free

Free from the pain I wake with everyday

And stops me from smiling and from being truly me.

I wonder when I will look forward to life

To meeting with friends and enjoying the day

As life goes by, with me surviving not living

And me fighting the sense I have just lost my way

I wonder when I will be able to fall asleep

Peacefully, rather than feeling so low

I wonder when I will be able to say

I love you, I miss you but now I must go

And find a new life, without you lovingly by my side

And enjoying my life and the adventurous ride.

I wonder……

Post from: Widows Quest

When we face those days when we don’t know how

To face the world and carry on

We must remember that life is a gift to all

And remember to smile and stand up tall

A smile can wash away the fears

And a hug from a friend take away the tears

Grief is not easy but then life is hard too

It is not what we think it is what we all do

And how do we find that will to pull through

Remember them looking and saying “I love you”

They are looking over us from heaven above

Continuing to support through our eternal love

Post from: Widows Quest

Now don’t worry I am OK, I just need an early night – I know there will be no problem sleeping tonight! – but earlier I just started to smile because when life seems as though it is out of control….sometimes the best thing is to take off the shoes, put on the TV, grab a coffee and just relax. All the problems will be there tomorrow but I will be fresh and ready to tidy the house and my mind.

I suppose I wanted to post this because often people think that you must keep going…..you know I believe that you must keep motivating yourself…but sometimes a night of slobbing, even a night of sobbing is the most wonderful release from the world of life…Don’t feel guilty just lie back and let the world disappear, let your batteries recharge and then get back up tomorrow to face your grief.

Post from: Widows Quest

•  Saying he wanted to go, asking us to let him go. Giving us hope that death released him from pain.
• Though unconscious, smiling when we touched him- he knew the difference between family and nurses.
• Asking us for our commitment to look after mum – it was like passing on his role, giving us something to hang on to and live up to…..

You know, with Dad he died quickly of dementia- within 80 days of diagnosis. The doctors were surprised by his rapid decline – even held a post mortam, I wasn’t though…Dad was a very poud man who loved my mum so much. He wanted to go quickly, he didn’t want my mum to suffer or be a burden to anyone. His early death, I believe was truly his final act of love.I hated losing him, though mum said that we had lost him much earlier than when he took that final breath and she was right. I have a tear thinking of him now, Dad if you can access the internet from your resting place…I love you, I miss you every day of my life xxx 

[istockphoto] 

Post from: Widows Quest

Mum,

I want you to know how much you mean to me, how much I love you. At the moment I spend the day thinking about how I can help you with your pain, I try each day to take your pain away. My biggest fear when the phone rings is that it is someone telling me that I have lost you. I am lost, I don’t know how to help, I don’t know how to help you through your grief…I need your help. I don’t want to lose you, I am still grieving over losing Dad and now I am faced with the day to day fear of losing you. You don’t think you have anything to live for…..I want you to know that you do. We love you more than words can say, we need you more than you will ever know. 

I suppose I am writing to say let me in, mum. I am grieving, I understand the loss….together we can help each other through the pain. When I was young, you were there for me, always telling me that things would be better tomorrow…..now it is my turn. We cannot change what has happened, we cannot change the past….but together we can find a new future, a new life that would make Dad proud. He loved you, he is still around us in our heart. He will be hurting at how his loss is destroying your life…let us help, let us in, please…….I would love to take you on a break away, maybe where you and Dad last went or where you met….together let us face this loss and find a way of moving on together.

I hope that this letter shows how much I care, how much I need you in my life, how much I fear losing you. Please mum, let me help

 Love you more than words can say….

 Without knowing all the circumstances, I think a letter may be the way of getting through to her. Words on a page can really hit home, she can read it over and over and think about her role as your mother. I don’t know if it would work but I think that is what I would do….what does everyone else feel?

[Istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

1. I never put the phone down without saying “I love you” to the people closest to me.
2. I make time each week to give back to friends and family. No matter how busy my week, I never put off going to see the people closest to me.
3. I am less decisive, I know that…I think!!! I seem to lack self confidence on knowing what to do, I need to work on that desperately.
4. I reminisce and try to learn from the past to create a better future, both for me and the people around me.
5. I am more fearful. I try not to let the fear control my life, however I know now that life is not perfect and that you have to enjoy the moment. I try and use the fear positively  - fearing the pain of not doing something rather than fearing the risk of doing it.

Do any of these hit home with you? What would you add to the list?

[iStockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

“This is for all those who have lost a child, mother, father, brother, or sister due to a violent crime. You are not alone, and you don’t have to suffer alone. If this book can help ease some pain, or just help another to understand that it’s okay to feel what you are feeling, then our work here is done. I hope that the lives of our loved ones will not have been in vain; that this book gives a glimpse into the reality of today’s world; that together, as a society, we can change our Justice System so that our grandchildren will not have to live in fear.”

Post from: Widows Quest

I am so glad I visited him before I went to the USA. He was on fine form and I had no idea that would be the last time I saw him and talked sport with him. We shared a passion for all sports.

It has made me feel

• You really never know what is around the corner.
• You should never put off visiting people, as you never know….
• How no matter how many times, death touches your life….death is never something that does not affect you deeply.

My heart goes out to mum as it brings back so many painful memories of the way Dad died.  We talked last night and both of us smiled at the stories of our lost friend…but most importantly at the end of the telephone conversation we said “I love you”  We never used to say those words, we have always felt the love…but only since losing Dad have we said it …funny   how 3 words can comfort you so much in grief.

[photo from istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

Here is a snippet but suggest you read his thoughts in full -

“What I don’t want this to be is a chance for me, or anyone else, to be maudlin. I’m dead. That sucks, at least for me and my family and friends. But all the tears in the world aren’t going to bring me back, so I would prefer that people remember the good things about me rather than mourning my loss. ”

The last phrase touched my heart like no other

“I don’t know if there is an afterlife; I tend to doubt it, to be perfectly honest. But if there is any way possible, Amanda, then I will live up to Delenn’s words, somehow, some way. I love you.”

Post from: Widows Quest