There is a paradox in grief, the pain comes from the fragility….the joy we had came from the fragility of being human. In a sense joy and pain come from the same thing? I suppose that makes me believe that within my fragile emotions this week, if I look hard enough, then joy will be lurking….if I just look hard enough.

Post from: Widows Quest

“Look, life is life. Every one of us faces problems, every one of us feels lonely. It is not what you feel, it is how you react. You can either sit back and let life’s problems define you as a person or you can stand up and say ” No, life is what you make it”

Do I feel 100% today, no not really but do you know…I am proud of deciding to take one step forward today. It may only be a small step but at least it is in the right direction and that is all that we can do…..one step at a time dear friends!!

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Can you really define love in life, or does it need death to truly define your love?

I think I thought I could define love during life but now I think it needs death to define that love for you…what do you think?

Post from: Widows Quest

• Wouldn’t it be too perfect if we could turn the clocks back each time we make a mistake or something goes wrong?
• Would we lose the human nature of being an imperfect human!
• There would be no death….there would be no circle of life….we would just die when the worlds resources could not cope anymore, which would be an even longer, painful death.
• Would we be in danger of not growing as people. Isn’t it through the hard times that you learn the most about yourself and about life?

As much as I would like to turn the clock back at times, when I really think about it….I don’t think I would. My memories are special because they are not perfect, our love was perfect because it was imperfect, I am who I am because of my imperfections and most of all to value life, one must understand death.

What do you think? Would it be good to be able to turn back time?

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Post from: Widows Quest

I sometimes think that life throws these little reminders to see how strong your heart is…..they are like checkmarks to see how your grief is progressing, to see how you are coping with your loss.

To some it was junk mail, to me it was the test of my strength – do you know I think I passed…just !

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“I have enjoyed greatly the second blooming that comes when you finish the life of the emotions and of personal relations; and suddenly find – at the age of fifty, say – that a whole new life has opened before you, filled with things you can think about, study, or read about…It is as if a fresh sap of ideas and thoughts was rising in you.”

When we lose our spouse especially later in life, we can draw the conclusion that there is nothing left for us. Interestingly, my mum who was 78 this week has more hobbies and interests now, then when Dad was alive. She misses him hugely, she still grieves however, she has found a new life. She is inspiration for all of us that there is a new life out there…..as she describes it…..

“My life was your Dad, my life was being a great partner. It took me time to realise that no matter how much I pray that he will come back…he won’t. So I realised that I had to stop living as a widow and living my lifeas me. Do I miss him, each second but do I enjoy all the new experiences…yes. Life is for the living, when that comes to an end I will be with him again”

I know what she means, part of me has died….yet there is a part of me that was suppressed which I can now release. That feels guilty to say, I don’t want you to think that in anyway that lessons the grief, it just gives me hope for enjoying life in the future…..I suppose you could say, it is truly a Widows Quest!

Remember to help me to honor Dad’s memory by sending in your stories, dedications to your loved ones. You can email them to me at anna@b5media.com by 10 August

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Post from: Widows Quest

“I believe that the loss of a loved one does change you forever but that the change isn’t always a bad thing. The days will come when the smiles will take over the tears when talking about our loved ones. Everything we go though in  this life as an affect on us death is no different.”

It was the last sentence that made me really think…”everything we got through….has an affect on us, death is no different”

She is right. Death is yet another challenge, another event that shapes us as people. If life was perfect, I am not sure we wouldn’t be bored! Life is imperfect because humans are imperfect. Life is not what we are given, life is what we make it.

When you grieve, you are wanting life to change…..to be perfect…to want eternity. In reality, that wouldn’t be life. Life has a start and an end, we may wish that they had lived longer, we may wish that they were still here….but maybe we should just make one wish – that

Others get the chance to love like we did…

Don’t forget to get your memorials, your stories, your poems in for our special Rememberance Day on August 12

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“Everything you do in life, every choice you make, has a consequence. When you do things without thinkin’, then you ain’t makin’ the choice. The choice is makin’ you.”

After the dismal week I have had, this quote helped me. It is so true that life is about choices, and in reality who makes those choices…you. In grief you can feel that choices have been taken away from you…that is not true. Life may have thrown you a curve ball, however you still have choices…

1. Choices about how you recover from your grief
2. Choices about how you live the rest of your life
3. Choices about regaining your happiness
4. Choices about finding love again.

What choice do you fear? I think for me it is the choice of taking control of my life again ? 

Post from: Widows Quest

“I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well”

On those dark days, the days when you are battling against the depression all widows and widowers feel…then think about this quote. We have loved, we have lost…..in rebuilding our life we need to think of the width as well as the length of our life’s journey.

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L= Love and to be loved

I = Inspire a legacy which you can be proud of

F= Family and friends and the human bonds that we create, share and experience together

E= Enjoy the rarest gift that we have been given life. You are given the chance to enjoy the world, life has to be about love and enjoyment

 That is my take – what would your L.I.F.E acronym stand for?

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