Widows Quest » listening http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest Redefine Yourself and Rediscover Life after a Loss Tue, 15 Dec 2009 22:08:44 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 en hourly 1 Living the Legacy http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/living-the-legacy/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/living-the-legacy/#comments Wed, 24 Sep 2008 12:31:15 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/living-the-legacy/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> I was thinking today about our life together and what legacy he has left me in my grief. Here are my Top 10 legacy statements from my lost love – I would love to hear yours
  1.  See the good in people – life is a treasure hunt for goodness.
  2. Love is the ultimate gift
  3. Do one thing each day that helps the world
  4. Never go to sleep without healing the rift
  5. Laughing is the best remedy for all life’s problems
  6. Love like tomorrow will never come
  7. To be interesting, be interested in others
  8. A hug a day, keeps the feeling of being “taking for granted” at bay
  9. Together you can achieve more
  10. Listening is the best gift in the world

He taught me so much, I miss his insights so much. I havediamonds.jpg put these on my screen saver so I keep his learnings with me…What would your Top 5 or Top 10 learnings from being in love be? 

[istockphoto] 

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/living-the-legacy/feed/ 0 When Family Disappoints You http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/when-family-disappoints-you/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/when-family-disappoints-you/#comments Tue, 06 May 2008 18:05:42 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/when-family-disappoints-you/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> Families all suffer a death at some point, as families are made up of diverse human beings it can be easy for conflict to arise. Grief is emotional, grief stirs different emotions in each person. One thing I have found is that there is no one way that people cope with bereavement – we all react in very different ways.

For instance, when we lost my Dad – my sister was very emotional, crying a lot, unable to cope with my mum’s feelings. My mum was quite numb, quite stoical, even joking through some elements of the death. For me, I was the so called “strong” one, I did not show my emotions and dealt with the practicalities. That caused my sister to think I didn’t care as much, which was not true…it was just my way of coping with the sense of loss.

Fortunately, we all knew that we were different, that we were coping in the way that made sense to us as individuals. However, in some families conflict can arise. My tips for family conflict during the grief process would be

  1. Patience. Be patient with those around you. Death is emotional however try and see the emotions as part of the grief rather than taking it personally.
  2. Give space to those who need to grieve.
  3. Seek reconciliation by understanding how people are different.
  4. Forgiveness. When we are hurting we can say awful things….forgiveness is a wonderful gift to the human spirit.
  5. Listening. If people are emotional, then let them vent, listen to their concerns.

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/when-family-disappoints-you/feed/ 6 A poem about listening http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/a-poem-about-listening/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/a-poem-about-listening/#comments Wed, 24 Jan 2007 15:05:55 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/a-poem-about-listening/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> I just love this poem that I found at MabelandHarry who often send articles for our positive thinking carnival. It is written by Ralph Roughton
When I ask you to listen to me and you start by giving me advice, you have not done what I asked,
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin by telling me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on mylisteningtomusic.jpg feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to solve my problems, you have failed me. Listen !
All I ask is that you listen, not talk or do…just hear me.
When you do something for me that I can do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.
When you accept as simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding whats behind this irrational feeling.

Maybe you have felt these feelings, if so share the poem with your friends or family. But also think about it when you are helping others that are depressed, grieving or feeling lonely.

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/a-poem-about-listening/feed/ 5 8 ways to identify grief http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/8-ways-to-identify-grief/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/8-ways-to-identify-grief/#comments Tue, 23 Jan 2007 16:55:35 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/8-ways-to-identify-grief/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> You may be reading this blog to help others, or you are worried about family and friends. So what are the symptons of grief, how do you know that people are grieving when they concentrate on letting people know? Well here are some telltale signs that people are in pain, they are not coping with the grief process and need your time and love to help them through the death of a loved one.

  • Are they distracted and unable to focus on anything?
  • Are they tired from not being able to sleep?
  • Is there mood changing or different from normal?
  • Are they suffering weight changes, usually loss of weight but can be weight gain through comfort eating.
  • Do they seem anxious and find it difficult dealing with problems that they would normally sail through?
  • Are they run down, headached, joint pain, a cold?

Hope this helps. Next try and talk to them – provide a safe environment in which they can share their emotions. The key is listening….

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