“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.
Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow.
Let reality be reality”
Lao-tse Chinese Philosopher
For the next few posts I want to pick out some quotes which I have written down from the book I by Jim Clemmer, I told you about in Coping with Change in Our Life.
This quote stood out because it made me think how in a sense – bear with me on this! – it is not the death which creates our grief but our resistance to accepting what has happened. It is our resistance to letting go, …read more

In grief there is this feeling of lacking control. Someone has taken the love of your life from you and thrown at you – money worries, loneliness, emptiness, lack of purpose, lack of energy etc
I remember feeling totally out of control and sensing that I didn’t know which way to turn. If I went out – I felt sad. If I stayed in  – I felt sad. I was suddenly one, or more specifically a two minus one. You know that feeling, the sense that although you are your own human being, part of your soul is missing. A couple …read more

Loneliness can be so cruel. The sound of silence can be deafening. I think in grief, silence can be one of the loneliest times. In bereavement I think it is important to give yourself the chance to grieve, to cry, to weep but I also think we must guard against being alone in a silent house.
The silence can be a constant reminder of being on your own, it can be the reminder that you are now a widow or widower. Going out can often feel so alien and so frightening that it may not be an option to start with…I …read more

There is a saying that the first step is the hardest…I sometimes wonder if that is true in the bereavement process?
Why?
Because the first step isn’t often the one that helps start to heal the broken heart…in itself. Of course the first time going out, the first time you meet someone, the first time you go on holiday, the first anniversary are all hard…I don’t dispute that at all. However often the first step is surrounded by friends, often the first step is understood by all as a difficult step for a widow or widower.
But following that you have to start …read more

When I was growing up I remember watching Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. Though it was never an epic film, it was for me a very motivational film because it was a story about risk, it was a story about believing in your dreams, it was a story about not fitting in.
Last night I watched it again and it had the same effect on me – I learned

Life is about risk. If you don’t push yourself then you may live but you won’t be truly living.
When you feel isolated, it is your perception. To “fit in” change your perception.
When you give …read more

I was reading about Jack Tweed who is the husband of reality TV star Jade Goody who at the age of 27 lost her fight against cancer this week. According to reports he is struggling to be alone in his grief.
There is a fine line between enjoying solitude and feeling the depth of loneliness.I know the importance of checking whether you are using the solitude to hide from life, to hide from the hurt of grief. I know how sometimes it is easier to dissolve into a world of solitude…rather than having to join the world again. But beware that …read more

I always love the emails that you send me, yesterday I was taken aback by this email from a widow who wanted me to share her story with you..here is part of her note
“….My husand died 18 months ago. I got through the funeral OK but then that loneliness hits you. I am not proud to say that I just couldn’t cope being without him. He was my life. I made a decision that I couldn’t live without him in this world, I just wanted to go to him. I told no one. I spent a week getting my life …read more

If there is one night of the year that hits me hard it is New Year’s Eve, and I have never really understood why? We never used to do anything special as neither of us were party goers. I think it is the sense of starting a new year, without him….I think the grief can be explained by
E = Expectations were always high as we faced the new year together, now those expectations are about more about surviving than living
V=Vacuum. For all that you try and fill your life and fill your time…on special nights that vacuum seems stronger.
E = …read more

Tonight is one of those nights, I feel all right, yet I just don’t want to go to bed…do you know the kind I mean? I somehow fear going to be ….alone. I keep staring at photo’s, at web pages not knowing what I am looking for but knowing that as tired as I am I don’t want to go close my eyes.
I hope that by sharing my feelings, I may help other widows or widowers who feel alone tonight, because in our loneliness we may find solitude together. And also as numb as I feel tonight, the one thing …read more

As normal at Widows Quest on a Sunday, we ask people to submit articles to help us fight our loneliness, our bereavement or our depression – enjoy this weeks!
Anna presents The Power of Living Your Life Again and Again and Again! posted at The Engaging Brand
Stephen Martile presents 7 Ways to Create the Abundance Mindset posted at FreedomEducation.ca by Stephen Martile, saying, “Here are 7 ways to create the abundance mindset:”

Ajay presents Power of Positive Talk by Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam posted at Article-Links, saying, “Once a space scientist, then a missile man and then a president of India. …read more