Oh it has been cold these last few weeks, really cold with severe frosts. I look at the lawn and see it covered in white, and it made me think of our grief. Grief bites, bereavement leaves you feeling cold to the world, to the warmth of others around you.
F=Frost covers the beauty of the lawn…however, the lawn remains just hidden from view.
R= Realise that our grief is like that frost, it feels cold, it feels harsh but underneath we are still as beautiful.
O= Once the air warms the frost disappears….we have to find that warmth again by opening our …read more

This is possible the greatest concern that many of you write to me about. Now I am no expert but I can share my thoughts and what has worked for me. Here are my tips on finding a way of getting that precious resource that feeds our body to cope with grief.

If I am thinking about something and my mind won’t stop thinking then I keep a notebook by my bed and write down the thought. This way I know that I won’t forget about it and I tell myself that there is nothing I can do tonight about it.
I …read more

As you all know I try and stay as positive as possible, as I believe that we determine our level of happiness. Then occassionally I have a day like today. One when I am crying inside and yet they just won’t come out..I think I get so used to appearing strong that I forget how to be weak!
I am going to exercise today as I find the more exercise I do, the more that emotion seems to subside. It   also gives me a chance to talk to myself. Today I feel lost, feel lonely, surplus to requirements to the …read more

When you are bereaved, you go through the stage of just not seeing the future, how can you ever enjoy life again. This shows through in the comments of   this blog. But you can find happiness, you can find a new life.
What I would suggest is that you think about your strengths, think about what makes you who you are. We can fall into the trap of thinking that our lost love made us who we are…that is not true. We are who we are because of our experiences, we existed before and we will exist after our bereavement. …read more

I know believe that you can tell people who have suffered recent loss – what do you think, do these make sense to you?
We enter a room with our head down
We find a reason why we can’t go out, no matter how persuasive our friends are!
We cry when we see hurt in the world
We learn to smile in a different way, one that says I know I should smile but don’t want to!
We talk more about the past than the future

I love the fact that I have been lucky enough to love, to really love but when you are left alone you suddenly feel….love is not enough, you need the person…here beside you. The physical presence gives the love a different feel, that smile, that hug, those inspiring thoughts, that help with life.
I suddenly find myself thinking love is not enough…..I still keep that love in my heart but I miss that physical presence. Maybe that is why I know in time I will need to fill that gap, my love will never die but as a human being I …read more

There is a book by Seth Godin called Small is the New Big which refers to business but I have just read it and realised that there is a similarity for widows…then Tiffany left this comment on Grief has changed my views on Relationships which brought this home even more.
Almost the big part of our losing a spouse I can cope with – not easily but I find ways to cope. It is the small things….

Missing being able to ask for a hug
Missing watching our favourite TV shows together
Missing waking up next to someone
Missing them coming in at the end …read more

A heart is a wonderful thing, it brings life to your body. When we suffer from grief it can struggle, I know I have even felt that I have had to concentrate on breathing at times! I think we should cherish our heart..I think we should help it during the time when it is hurting. Treat it like you would a friend!  
P = Protect it. Protect it through strengthening it via exercise….even a gentle walk.
U = Understand it needs some time to cope with the bereavement, let it talk….talking allows it to diffuse the emotion.
M = Motivate it by …read more

When you lose someone, it makes you think differently about all your friendships/relationships.
G = Granted. I think that I took all relationships for granted…now I now the pain of doing that, I spend a portion of each day investing in showing others how much I care.
R = Realised how special human relationships are….I value the warmth of a relationship, the feeling of being needed and the feeling of loving and being loved.
I = Invest time in relationships. Modern life can be busy and we can forget the people closest to us…oh, I will ring tomorrow night, ah I will pop …read more

Mum is 77 and has always lacked confidence. Dad gave her the confidence and when she lost him nearly 4 years ago, she had no idea how she would recover from her grief.
Yesterday, I was so proud of her. She has been going to a local bowls club for a while, but only when no one else was there…as she felt uncomfortable, she missed Dad by her side. But yesterday, she played for the team. OK I don’t think she will be entering the Olympics soon, but how she played was not the point. She had pushed herself to socialise, …read more