“The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be.” 

I have learned that bereavement can help you become that complete person. It is during the hard times that you learn more about yourself and more about what is important to you as a person. I think a loved one dying can help you evolve into that complete person. Losing someone can help you in the following ways

• Make you think what is important to you and spend more time doing those things.
• Loss shows you the value of the relationships and how investing in them is so important.
• Having strong feelings makes you more empathetic to others feelings
• Love without hurt is wonderful, but love with hurt allows you to value the good things in life even more.
• A complete person has felt the wonder of life and the downsides. A complete person uses the experiences for the better and takes the learnings to improve their value to the world.

What do you think, can you be a complete person without hurt? Do you believe that hurt has made you a better person?

Post from: Widows Quest

“Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds.”  

As widows or widowers, we can blame fate….we can be angry at what the world has thrown at us in terms of the grieving process, we can be angry about the death of a loved one. If we stay a prisoner to fate, that stops us from moving on and coping with the loneliness and depression. So how can we break free from being a prisoner of our mind?

• Break the chain of thinking that we have been hard done by…death happens, in fact death will come to all of us eventually. It is not what happens in life that determines our happiness, it is how we react to events.
• Take the chains off our heart. Our heart was born to love, our heart needs to love. It is a basic need of human beings. We have loved once and we should allow ourselves to love again.
• The grieving process is part of losing someone but it should not become a life sentence…Once we have learned how to cope with the loss, we can start the rehabilitation of our heart and learn to live again…
• Remember we are in control of our minds…we are our own jailor. We need to find a way of releasing those thoughts of the past and find a way of using what we have learned about life and ourselves to bring joy to the world…again.

Post from: Widows Quest

That sense of losing someone you love in front of your eyes. I know from my point of view, I feel a sense of grief – as daft as that sounds – at the loss of a beautiful young woman who brought such joy to so many.

I am hoping that her latest “stay” in hospital can help her, the sadness is that the world made her famous….now the world is causing her breakdown. For anyone who has lost someone from their life, they know the pain of losing someone…..I hope that the medics can help her find comfort, find herself again….bring the real Birtney Spears back to life…

A strange post in some ways, but I write it as I feel a sense of grief even though she is still alive and well. Grief for the loss of that vibrant singer, that the world loved….grief that as a world we can’t reach out and help her…..instead encouraging the paparazzi to hound her and add to the mental instability.  When you are used to hurt, all you want to do is to take away that hurt from others…as I can’t give her that hug in person, here is a virtual hug to someone who clearly needs our empathy at the moment. All the best Britney….dig in girl, find that strength to face your demons, find that strength to reach out for help to once again be the vibrant Britney in this photo…

Post from: Widows Quest

 ”This bowl is part of an exhibit, titled “Offering Reconciliation,” which displays the work of Israeli and Palestinian artists, who were given 135 identical ceramic bowls to paint, decorate, inscribe, or embellish.

The exhibit is organized by Bereaved Families Forum for Peace, Reconciliation and Tolerance, a group of about 500 Israeli and Palestinian families who have lost loved ones in the Middle East conflict. Now they work together to educate Palestinians and Israelis, as well as people around the world, about how both sides can live together without hatred.

Robi Damelin, an Israeli woman, and Ali Abu-Awwad, a Palestinian man, who lost a son and a brother, respectively,spoke at Pomegranate Gallery ..”There is a lot of pain on both sides right now,” says Damelin. “You meet these hardened people — kids, even — who have no reason to believe in reconciliation. How do you fight [against] that?”

“The point is not to hug and kiss and forget our pasts. The point is to realize, ‘OK, we disagree. But you’re human and I’m human and the pain we’re causing each other is not the answer, “Abu-Awwad said.”

I just love these words…I love the idea of forgetting our past …I love the idea that we are all human and that we should be seeking a way of living together not causing ourselves pain.

Maybe one day…

Post from: Widows Quest

“The pharaohs built pyramids to help protect their mummified remains for millennia. But these days an opposite trend has taken hold: low-impact burials that enable a body to naturally revert back to the soil as quickly as possible. In the UK, for example, well over 100 special cemeteries permit the burial of the deceased in biodegradable coffins. However, critics say that unless sufficient safeguards are in place, the human remains inside those coffins can pose a hazard since they may contain toxic metals and other substances that can seep into groundwater.

Which is why various companies are promoting high-tech methods that allow cadavers to decompose while avoiding potential environmental hazards. Some of the techniques may seem strange, but they eliminate the messy embalming fluids, concrete crypts and metallic caskets used in traditional burials. Case in point: Promessa Organic The Swedish firm’s technology begins by freezing a body to minus 18 degrees Celsius.  

The environment is an important legacy that I feel strongly about, so maybe I need to rethink my final farewell.

Post from: Widows Quest

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that
person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet
a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide
you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally
or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient
time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship
to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire
fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you s ent up has been
answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn
has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you
must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to
accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use
in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind
but friendship is clairvoyant.

Post from: Widows Quest

The rain is like our grief. Our tears flow and flow, our outlook feels dark with no sign of relief.

The rainbow is like our journey. It is a bridge to the future. The grief has caused us to change, it has brought out different emotions, different experiences that has caused us to grow as a human being, just like the array of colours in the sky.

The pot of gold is like our hope. We hope that with time we will find a new happiness, a new life. In reality   our life is new now because it has already has changed. We start to cope with our grief when we realise there is no magic formula, there is no pot of gold….there is an arc of pain that we need to go through to find the sunshine again.

Rainbows are a sign that there has been rain…but they are also a sign that the worst is over. Maybe we should all put a picture of a rainbow in our homes, to remind ourselves that happiness is on it’s way….

Post from: Widows Quest

Let us think of 3 things that we value about ourselves and maybe pass this post on to friends who can add what they value about you. I will ask Krishna De and  Sempre what they value about themselves and how this blog brings value to them?

I find it hard to think about my value but I would say

1. I love to look after my family and ensure that they know they are loved.  
2. Each day I try and make at least one person feel better, by making them smile.
3. I have a high degree of integrity and honesty. I pride myself on my values and living by them.

Post from: Widows Quest

 

Intrigued I said “A bandage? Have you got one for me?”

She looked, moved closer and gave me a huge hug….”There you are a pain bandage, I bet you feel better now”

I smiled, don’t kids just explain things so well!

Post from: Widows Quest

1. When you are grieving you shut down your emotions to protect yourself. Maybe what I am feeling is the “numbness” associated with my heart still not being ready to emotionally join the world as yet.
2. It is OK! My body, my heart has been through shock and an immense amount of pain. I am not ‘weird’, I am completely normal!
3. It takes time to rejoin the world. When I think how far I have come, I have come a   long way….there is still a long journey ahead but again that is fine. Time will heal, time will bring socialising skills back.
4. Maybe I will never be the same. After all, a huge emotional event has happened. My carefree days are maybe over, as I now have been shaped by bereavement, by pain. That does not mean I can’t be happy, it just means that once my brain computes all the emotions, my outlook may have slightly altered.

Do you have any thoughts that may help us all?

Post from: Widows Quest