R = Remain hopeful. I know that sounds strange, but hope is a natural energiser of positive steps. Write down 3 things that you hope for, then start working towards them.

E = Enjoy the company of friends and family. In time, laughing will not feel guilty but the natural pleasure of a human being. I know you will feel that you want to be alone, but force yourself out and eventually you will learn to smile again.

B = Be realistic with your feelings. You will have good days, you will have bad days…that is totally normal. Try not to see how you are coping now, but how you are coping over time. I set myself targets of happiness! How many nights I slept in a row, how many days since I cried…to show me that I was progressing.

U= Understand that the only way that your heart will mend is by allowing it to open up to the risk of being hurt again. Don’t be afraid to talk to the opposite sex, it is just talking….

I = Involve yourself in activities. The community is always looking for volunteers. By giving to others, you start to feel better about yourself and grateful for what you HAVE rather than what you have lost.

L =Long term goals are important so that you have something to work towards. Again set yourself targets and track your progress. Mine was losing the weight that I had put on during the lead up to his death. I set myself a long term target of getting fit, eating healthily and losing 56lbs…I have done it!

D = Decide to not hold on to the past. I don’t mean lose the memories, but the past is the past. There is nothing that you can do now to change events. Write down 3 things that you have learnt about life, learnt about yourself and think of ways that you can put those learnings into action.

[iStockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

• Get help. Don’t be ashamed of needing medication, and don’t give up until you find something that helps.  

• Identify your feelings and moods. Depression is a self-destructive effort to avoid feeling. Accept that emotions are natural and helpful. Learn that mood changes don’t come “out of the blue” — they are always started by an event, a memory, a dream. Use the Mood Journal to identify what starts your mood changes.
• Challenge depressed thinking. People with depression remember and blame themselves for bad events, while they forget about and give others credit for good events. Their low expectations mean they often don’t prepare adequately and give up too easily. Worst, they think they are essentially different — damaged somehow — from other people. These are all learned habits of thought that can be unlearned. Pay attention to your assumptions and beliefs.
• Let others know. Depressives fear intimacy more than most people. We put on masks for the world, because we believe our true selves to be shameful, unworthy. But this belief is wrong. When we’re with someone we can trust, sharing our thoughts and feelings — even if they seem unimportant — is good for us.
• Take care of your self. Learn to pay attention to messages from your body. Depressives abuse themselves by not eating right, not exercising, then expecting to work 12 hours straight. They will deny a minor ache or pain until they have an ulcer or a chronic back condition. Take time for moderate exercise, eat healthy but delicious meals, and allow yourself some pleasure in life.
• Practice detachment. We spend far too much time and effort trying to control things that aren’t worth the struggle. Many things that worry us are really unimportant; we’ve just gotten overinvolved and lost our bearings. We may find that we’re trying to change things that we realistically cannot change. Instead of battering your head against a brick wall, learn to walk away.

Post from: Widows Quest

Maybe it is a sign that I am getting older, maybe it is a sign that I realise now that life can so easily be taken away. Do you worry more now that you have felt the hurt of grief?

Post from: Widows Quest

 

I think we can be too tough on ourselves, we expect to cope from Day 1 and when you think about it – how realistic is that? Falling occasionally whilst walking by yourself again may leave a few bruises but you learned to walk when you were young and you will learn to walk again….when you do, be ready to smile and congratulate yourself on your success.

Post from: Widows Quest

I am feeling much more confident about going out, happier that I have taken control of my weight gain and supported through a fantastic community of people who comment regularly.

Losing weight does not take pain away, does not stop the loneliness however it do  es help me feel that I can regain a level of happiness. He would be so proud of me too!

Post from: Widows Quest

I have known for a while that I needed to stop using grief as my excuse and start getting fit again. Not because I should but because that is how I enjoy living. So I have resolved in the New Year that the fitness campaign will start and depression will no longer be used as an excuse but a motivator…anybody want to join me in my quest for regaining my self-esteem?

Post from: Widows Quest