Yesterday I was at another funeral and they read out a poem called She Is Gone which really made me think about grief and how to cope with the loss of a loved one.

She is Gone

You can shed tears that she is gone

or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back

or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.

Your heart can be empty becuase you can’t see her

or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she’s gone

or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on….

Anonymous

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Post from: Widows Quest

“Ann Hood writes about the searing irrational nature of grief in one of the most profound books I’ve read on the grieving process. This is high praise, because I’ve read a lot of books on the subject as I’ve been wending my way through widowhood.”

And the Carly SImon CD is also significant as recalls receiving it as a gift

“She gave it to me a week after my husband Michael died. It was the perfect collection of lullabyes to salve my wounded heart. I hope the combination will help someone else in their dark night of the soul. It’s not a question of “if” you’ll experience a devastating loss of a loved one–but “when”. What I’ve learned along the way is that we get by with a little help from our friends and the kindness of strangers.”

I thought the giveaway strikes a wonderful chord with us all so hop over and leave a comment, you never know this may be the start of some good luck!

Post from: Widows Quest

F = Fear lessons when we break it down. We can say we are fearful of the future….then think about what specifically frightens you…the future is too general. Is it money, is it being alone, is it the odd jobs around the house! Then develop a plan of how you will cope with the specific situation – for instance I now have a wonderful odd job guy, he is retired and he loves helping me out. I love having someone I can trust around….

E = Exists only in your imagination. The fear is not real, it is an illusion, it is a picture we are creating because we are new to the situation. Understanding that it is not real, you can take steps to prevent the reality coming true.

A = Afraid. We are faced with a situation in which we feel vulnerable, we feel insecure. So work on taking away that vulnerability. Meet someone before going out or for instance, I keep my mobile phone by my bed with my neighbors number ready. I know that if I press that button he will be around in a couple of minutes. That gives me a feeling of security.

R = Reject fear! It is our choice whether we feel the fear or not….so let’s choose not to be frightened! If I know that there is an event coming up that scares me, then I rehearse in my mind feeling excited, exhilarated by it…rather than frightened.

What did you fear most and how are you working on overcoming it?

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Post from: Widows Quest

Grief is mourning the loss of life, but the gain of memories

Grief is the end of one chapter and the start of another

Grief is the loss of a loved one but the gain of knowing what love truly is…

Grief is the pain of living in the present whilst wanting to live in the past

Grief is knowing what is important and wishing that you had known before…

Grief is personal, individual, yet universal. 

Grief is fear of the past, present and future

Grief is crying when you have run out of tears

Would love to hear your comments…

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Post from: Widows Quest

“This past year has been a journey to say the least and I do not think I would have gotten through it if it weren’t for the support from friends family and Widows Quest. Your site helped me see that I was not the alone and that means so much to me. I wanted to share a poem I wrote for him, actually it is more for his mom and I because it reflects so much of what we feel. Again thank you for your postings they have helped in so many ways. 

One Year Later

One year later and you are still gone
One year later and it still seams so wrong

Do you look down at me at night
Do you see my candle so big and so bright

The candle I burn reminds me of you
The candle I hope you would burn too

 Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you
Hoping you’d come back so the days won’t be so blue

Once an earth Angel who was sent up above
You now watch over all those you dearly love

Though sometimes in my mind I forget you’re dead
But I make sure to keep you living in my head

I love you so much it makes me so sad
That I can’t hear you say it back – the one thing that would make me glad

I know you are still with me; your love is within my heart
Though life is no longer present, our souls will never part.

 Tiffany on behalf of myself and all other Widows Quest readers, our thoughts are with you and your pain is our pain…

Post from: Widows Quest

Post from: Widows Quest

1.  Accepting his death. Accepting that it was better that he has gone than him suffering as much as he was…no matter how strong the pain, the pain would have been worse watching him suffer.
2. Allowing friends to persuade her to go out…”giving in” and as much as she did not want to go out, forcing herself into social situations.
3. The power of the telephone and talking to her friends – it provided comfort and also filled in those lonely hours.

Mum has done superbly well, Dad would be so proud of her….she has had bad times but here she is at 77,   coming up to 4 years without Dad and looking great. She is sat as I type, planning her next cruise….something she would never have done before!

Post from: Widows Quest

B= Believe in your ability to cope with the pain and come through even stronger.

E= Expect to be happy again.

L=Learn to love again. Trust that the benefit of love is greater than the pain of loss.

I=Inspire your inner beliefs by setting goals for your future…inspirational goals that you can work towards.

E= Emotions. Understand your emotions, don’t fight them. Learn how to control them and what ma  kes you happy.

F= Face your problems – they will not go away, face them to face your fears.

Post from: Widows Quest

D= Determined to continue to live life to the fullest – and not waste the precious time we have on this earth.

I= Inner thoughts are so important. Your self talk is so strong, the more you can change the way you talk to yourself in a positive way, the more you start to move forward.

S= Sentimental! I never used to keep things, now I treasure all the little mementos.

C= Courage. It would be easy to fold but I found inner courage to face the fear of the future.

O= Openness. Before I kept my emotions very much to myself, now I allow others in and allow others to help me.

V= Value of family. Before I took for granted my family, now I invest time in the people who are so precious to me.

E= Empathy. I now empathise with people on a totally different level – it has made me a better person.

R= Resilience. I have had problems but I am coming through them – grief brings out that inner resilience that you didn’t even know you had.

Post from: Widows Quest

ChristianPF presents How to make more money with your emergency fund posted at Money in the Bible | Christian Personal Finance Blog, saying, “A quick how-to showing you how to use an emergency fund to save more money and increase it’s growth rate.”

Millionaire Mommy Next Door presents Create Your Treasure Map To Riches posted at Millionaire Mommy Next Door, saying, “Visualizing what wealth means to you shapes the way your mind thinks about money and your life. Your mind then sets in motion the actions necessary to begin achieving your goals. By taking the time to establish what real wealth looks like to you, you direct your efforts in ways that will make becoming rich, in your own terms, simple.Are you ready to embark on a fun and rewarding journey towards your own riches? Great! We’ll start with an exercise that is really fun. In fact your entire family will enjoy this one.”

Aaron Wakling presents Don?t Allow A Low Credit Score To Cost You Thousands Per Year posted at The Credit & Credit Card Blog saying, “Did you know that a low credit score could be costing you hundreds and even thousands of dollars per year, and perhaps even more? What’s more, were you aware that there is something you can do about that?”

Eric Hudin presents Estate – Don?t Be Left Holding The Bag posted at My Estate Planning Career Blog, saying, “Ned almost lost the farm that had been in his family for 8 generations! Make sure you dont make the same mistake Ned did.”

Allen Taylor presents What Are Your Wealth-Building Goals? posted at Investing World Today, saying, “The money is out there. No matter how many people tell you that we are in the midst of a starvation economy, that the market is doing this or that, and that it’s too risky to play the game, so to speak, people are getting rich every day. That is the reality.”

Tim Ramsey presents Debt Consolidation Loan To Deliver You From Debt posted at My Debt Relief Blog, saying, “High amount of debt needs a drastic solution and a debt consolidation loan is the best solution that can unburden your load of debt.”

Warren Wong presents The Life Pursuit Of Money posted at Personal Development for INTJs, saying, “Why should making money be a life pursuit? Because making money actually helps people! Here’s why.”

Eric Stanley presents Need a Money Making Idea? posted at Personal Finance Blog Articles, saying, “There are so many money making ideas you can choose from online that anyone, no matter what skill level, can find something.”

Mark Kimsey presents Always Make More Than The Minimum Repayment On Your Credit Card posted at PrsnlFinance.com.

Colin Robertson presents Watch Out for Multiple Balance Transfer Fees posted at The Truth About Credit Cards.com, saying, “thanks!”

Ryan presents 101 Ways to Trim Your Budget posted at Care on Credit.

Ant presents How to Start an Online Store posted at The Beef Jerky Blog.

KCLau presents Money Lessons from Tranformers movie posted at KCLau’s Money Tips, saying, “Transformers is an entertaining movie. It also teaches us about personal finance.”

Warren Wong presents Just Do It posted at Personal Development for INTJs, saying, “Are you pondering over a task? Are you not sure if you should do it? Here’s why you should just do it!”

John Wesley presents 78 Timeless Wealth Building Tips from Benjamin Franklin posted at Pick the Brain – Wit and Wisdom for Your Inspiration.

Mark Kimsey presents How Getting Your Credit Report Can Help You posted at PrsnlFinance.com.

Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Post from: Widows Quest