This week saw the world lose Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, two people who were very prominent entertainers during my teenage years. Whenever someone famous dies I always have mixed emotions

1. The sense of loss of their genius - the sense that we will miss their brilliance and of course just the utmost feelings for their family.
2. Confusion how the world can focus on the death of one person, when each day people lose people their love and face death without the sympathy or empathy of the world.

Death is such a private feeling and yet when someone famous dies..the grief is forced to be so public. I have no idea how families cope with the world looking at them….but then I wonder whether it may help them? When I suffered my loss I wanted to talk about how great they were….maybe, just maybe the world grieving and talking may help your loss? What do you think?

..is that if we allow pain to change us for the worse than the loss has been in vain. Any change in your life will feel uncomfortable and none more so than grief. However, life is all about evolution - indeed in a way death is about evolution, death is required for life to continue on this wonderful planet.

We can’t stop death as much as we would all want to….I think that is one of the hardest things to come to terms with….but death is bad enough, without us allowing the loss to change us into a worse human being or a human being who doesn’t live for the moment.

Why do I write this today? Well I read a note in a card today from my loved one. He wrote

“We will never know how how much time we will have to enjoy our love, lets make sure that each day, each hour, each second is not wasted”

He may be gone - I can’t change that….but those words live on. I, myself, do not know how much time I have….and so I keep telling myself that as hard as it feels…lets not waste it.…lets be the person we want the world to see rather than the person grief can make us become.

Words are powerful and can effect the way we feel - I am a long believer that it is not really what others say to us that affects our mood but what we say to ourselves! Here are 1O words or phrases that we need to stay clear during our bereavement

1. If only….
2. I can’t…
3. But….
4. Why him/her?
5. There is no point…
6. I will never get over this….
7. I can’t cope..
8. Maybe if I had….
9. I wish I had said/did..

and of course 10) I will never love again…..

The more that we repeat these words, the more we will believe them…they are all natural to say, they stem from the pain of grief however we need to find a way of changing I can’t to I can, from I will not to I will….to start the process of recovering from our loss.

Would you add any words to this list?

Lance Armstrong has shown us all how to conquer our fears, how to face what life has thrown at us and how to beat pain as well as cancer. I have been touched by the pain people are feeling over these weeks as anniversaries of our loved ones death appear on the calendar.

I saw this quote from Lance Armstrong and thought it might helps us all realise that although the pain of loss is always there, that pain is like a flowing roller coaster. We have a choice…we can give into that pain, or we can fight it and use it as motivation for our future happiness. As Lance says

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute or an hour, or a day, or a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quite it will last forever”

The comments to Don’t Forget the Good Times really touched my heart. Anniversaries are tough and I thought I would share how I cope…as I said in my comment to the blog post

“Pain makes me realise my heart is still alive, it is still feeling….pain means that the love is still alive.”

So often during bereavement you can feel numb, you can feel, well actually not feel anything. It was my Nana who taught me something about heartache. She said “Heartache takes away the numbness. Heartache means that your heart is alive and still capable of loving. Heartache means that your love has not died with their death. Heartache should be embraced over the years as it is a positive sign that your love endures, and your heart is learning to love again”

At the time I thought this was daft! But now I think I believe in this idea. Now as the pain increases I smile as I don’t feel the hurt, I try and feel the love. I am not sure if this will help - but always remember we are all here for you.

Anger and grief was a topic I wrote about last weekend, and one comment that was left was “is it wrong to feel anger towards the one that left you…”

When I thought about it, I couldn’t make up my mind as I think the answer is both Yes and No!

1. Yes because anger means that you have felt love, yes because loss is emotional, yes because it hurts, yes because death seems unfair, yes because it allows you to cope with your grief.
2. No because anger doesn’t bring them back, no because anger is not a positive emotion, no because death is something that happens to us all, no because it is selfish, no because we should concentrate on what we have gained through their life not lost through their death.

Therefore I think the answer is …..it is OK to feel anger whilst coping with grief but don’t let the anger control you or your life.

[istockphoto]

Warning…deep post but in a thinking not depressed sense

At the funeral today of the wonderful Lucy, I sat in the pew pondering what really is the point of life?

We are born, wishing our time away until we can be a grown up and do grown up things

We leave home and have to work to pay for basic needs

We then have families which need our time

We then start losing the people around us

We then stop working and look forward to retirement…and so often we die!

We seem to spend all our lives believing that enjoyment is just round the corner ?

So it begs the question when do we truly live! I can think of moments, I can think of days but I am not sure that I have ever put the enjoyment of life at the centre of my world or the world of those around me.

How sad is that…..how can we ensure that the only celebration of life is NOT at our funeral. Maybe it is just because I feel that sense of loss today, maybe I am fighting for that meaning to my world, maybe it is because I never truly feel anything but an outsider, maybe it is a combination….

Maybe I just need to start living….

Every Sunday I post a set of articles that people send me to help us with our positive thinking in the week ahead. To overcome grief we need to work hard on our thinking. we need to work hard to rethink our goals and how we will find happiness…hope these articles help

Anna presents The Effect of the Fear of Loss posted at The Engaging Brand

Aparna presents Secrets of success posted at Beauty and Personality Grooming, saying, “These are a few rules that most successful people follow. It may not be a complete list in itself, but nevertheless some of the rules mentioned below are invaluable and if followed, bound to bring success in our life, business and in almost all walks of life”

cody butler presents 15 Self Improvement Ideas That Will Change Your Life Today posted at Dream Life Coaching Blog. Ask your questions., saying, “!5 tips to help you improve your life today!”

Michael Miles presents Enjoying every situation posted at Effortless Wealth and Abundance.

Radim presents Does Law Of Attraction Always Work? posted at LivingNewAge.com, saying, “The article mentions concerns that people sometimes have about the law of attraction and questions they ask when if they don’t believe that the law of attraction always works.”

Shannon presents ‘Thankful’ Thursday - How does blogging affect your health? posted at The Daily Balance, saying, “How does blogging affect your health? Learn about the positive affecr blogging has on your mind and overall well-bieng…”

Gal Josefsberg presents The Comfort of Routine posted at Questing Soul, saying, “This really helped me cope with my loss and I hope that it helps others as well.”

axel presents Dalai Lama posted at axel g.

00FF00 presents The World Needs Your Passion posted at ooffoo, saying, “A member of the ooffoo community wants to help you realise your passion. She offers a clarion call for anyone trying to feel fulfilled. Based on the philosophy that we are all needed and that the world needs your passion the trick then becomes how to find out what your passion is. And it’s easier than you think.”

Amit presents The Full Stop Theory posted at Mystic Madness.

JL Scott presents Balancing your personal and your business goals posted at Strategies for Making Money Online and Your Home Business | JL Scott Revolution.

SpiKe presents 3 Practical Steps For Controlling Your Negative Self-Talk - Practical advice on personal development, productivity and GTD posted at Organize IT.

Raphael Araujo presents Kick Ass Living: How To Kick Ass In Your Life posted at Kick Ass Living, saying, “Thanks!”

Khan presents Never Too Late to Learn posted at Higher Education and Career Blog, saying, “Older students are returning to college to start a degree, complete a degree, or gain technical knowledge in their career fields.”

Rick Schiano presents Victory is a Thought Away posted at Ricks Victory Blog.

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our carnival submission form.

Today I had three different people say to me phrases that seem alien to me. They were

Good grief!

X is causing me grief today!

I am dead worried

Mmm I stopped in my tracks a little and wondered why people use such phrases - I mean to me grief can never be good, and can you really say a problem in life is like grief? Maybe it is just the thought of a bereaved person but it made me think where do these phrases come from - does anyone know? I am off to Google to see if I can find an answer….

Also do you notive yourself saying them now or has death stopped you from using the phrases..just nosey as I have noticed I am much less likely to say words that are associated with loss?

Silly question really! Mind you sometimes I don’t want to be happy again as I feel the sense of loss so much. However most days I try and build just one step at a time towards that ulimate goal of happiness.

I was surfing the web today and came across a new site called Happier which has online exercise tools and tips. The goal of the site says it is to

“The happier.com team is working hard to help you “go beyond the books” and provide you with research-backed tips and tools that are proven to help increase positive emotions, boost overall levels of engagement and meaning while also enhancing the quality of relationships.”

I honestly believe that as widows and widowers we need to invest our time in learning to be happy again. If we don’t there is a danger that we start to “enjoy” the pain….I know that sounds harsh but I know for myself that I went through a stage of feeling more comfortable with the pain and no people around than to rejoin life. Now I spend 20 minutes a day doing something that will make someone else or me happy ….

{Photo by istockphoto}