An unusual post today as I was prompted to write about this following an email which I received recently.
I have always said I feel lucky to have loved and talked a lot about the pain of losing that love and the greif that follows….but I was asked
“What do you think is worse…losing the love of your life through death or having the love of your life leave in this world?”
Gosh, that is a difficult one and first of I would say they are both grief….both are situations about loss.
I wonder what you all think ?
For me I actually think the …read more

A broken heart hurts as we all know, but a study by Dr Mark Porter shows that if we are not careful then grief can affect our health. In a survey, he found
“When compared with a controlled group of people who hadn’t lost anyone close to them, the bereaved showed significant increases in blood pressure, pulse rate and changes to their immune and clotting systems, which made their blood stickier and a heart attack more likely. The changes were most marked during the first six months after bereavement and have been pounced on by the …read more

It always amazes me how the word widows or widowers often provokes an emotional response. You get the touch of the arm, maybe an embarrassed look or the one which I feel cringe worthy….”Oh I am sorry”
I understand the reaction because people feel the pain of loss, they know that bereavement is awful and they also know that there are no words which can take away that sense of loss.
However, when you think about it widowhood has some good signs..

It means you are one of the lucky people in the world who found their true love!
It means that you understand …read more

Thanks to Tribute.com who sent this information to us all at Widows Quest.
“According to a recent article in U.S. News & World Report, researchers have identified key factors that define “Prolonged Grief Disorder,” a disorder thought to exist when a person becomes stuck for months or years in a grief and loss cycle and is unable to move on with their lives.
For those of us that know someone like this, it can be difficult to know what to do or say to make the other person feel better. According to David Kessler, Grief and Loss Specialist for Tributes.com, “Many of …read more

Forget whether the wars in Afghanistan or Iraq are right – that is not relevant to this blog post – but it seems that each day I watch the news there are more deaths in Afghanistan. More fathers, sons, daughters, wives dying, more coffins returning home to their family.
For someone who knows the devastation of death, I just cannot imagine what these familes go through. What they go through when they are alive fighting on the front line and what they go through when they hear that fateful news…..
I don’t think I could cope with the not knowing, the fear, …read more

I came across this grief poem and thought that I would share it with you all, it is written by David Romano. I know that it is sad but I think it also gives hope and also helps us realise that we have never truly lost our loved one.

When tomorrow starts without me,
and I’m not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn’t cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
we didn’t get to say.
I know how much you love me,
as much as I love …read more

In coping with grief – does anyone forget about who you really are?
I know that in so many ways I had defined myself by my relationship, so much so that I now struggle with knowing who I am. Funny really because my partner was someone who wasn’t controlling, he actually encouraged my independence.
I wonder whether my struggle to know who I am, is less about reality but more in my own perception? I feel loss, and loss in its own definition means something missing. Therefore I feel that something is missing in me. In reality though I am still me, …read more

This week saw the world lose Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, two people who were very prominent entertainers during my teenage years. Whenever someone famous dies I always have mixed emotions

The sense of loss of their genius – the sense that we will miss their brilliance and of course just the utmost feelings for their family.
Confusion how the world can focus on the death of one person, when each day people lose people their love and face death without the sympathy or empathy of the world.

Death is such a private feeling and yet when someone famous dies..the grief is forced …read more

..is that if we allow pain to change us for the worse than the loss has been in vain. Any change in your life will feel uncomfortable and none more so than grief. However, life is all about evolution – indeed in a way death is about evolution, death is required for life to continue on this wonderful planet.
We can’t stop death as much as we would all want to….I think that is one of the hardest things to come to terms with….but death is bad enough, without us allowing the loss to change us into a worse human being …read more

Words are powerful and can effect the way we feel – I am a long believer that it is not really what others say to us that affects our mood but what we say to ourselves! Here are 1O words or phrases that we need to stay clear during our bereavement

If only….
I can’t…
But….
Why him/her?
There is no point…
I will never get over this….
I can’t cope..
Maybe if I had….
I wish I had said/did..

and of course 10) I will never love again…..
The more that we repeat these words, the more we will believe them…they are all natural to say, they stem from the …read more