It always amazes me how the word widows or widowers often provokes an emotional response. You get the touch of the arm, maybe an embarrassed look or the one which I feel cringe worthy….”Oh I am sorry”
I understand the reaction because people feel the pain of loss, they know that bereavement is awful and they also know that there are no words which can take away that sense of loss.
However, when you think about it widowhood has some good signs..

It means you are one of the lucky people in the world who found their true love!
It means that you understand …read more

In coping with grief – does anyone forget about who you really are?
I know that in so many ways I had defined myself by my relationship, so much so that I now struggle with knowing who I am. Funny really because my partner was someone who wasn’t controlling, he actually encouraged my independence.
I wonder whether my struggle to know who I am, is less about reality but more in my own perception? I feel loss, and loss in its own definition means something missing. Therefore I feel that something is missing in me. In reality though I am still me, …read more

I am excited by our planned phone call on Friday night – 6pm New York time and of course if any other widows and widowers want to join us and talk about how they are coping with grief, about the blog posts which help most with your bereavement or just for support and friendship – then the details are on our Widows Wiki.
Why am I excited?
Because I know you all understand grief, I know that we have shared hopes, shared pains, that we are sharing each others journey through that dark tunnel of pain to that day when we wake …read more

In response to the poem I wrote called The Visions of Lost Love, Hazel and I were talking about the pictures we have in our mind. In one of the comments I wrote
” I will never give up hoping that one day that picture will change. I know it is the pain that is still holding my attention rather than the love that I know is deep inside”
Pain is such a powerful emotion that I have found it can change the pictures and even the feelings inside your body. However, I think it is important to realise that the pain …read more

I wrote this poem about the grief I feel, after struggling to sleep last night, I wonder if any widows or widowers know what I mean…
I see you when I wake, yet you are not there.
I see you when I close my eyes, yet you are not there.
I see you when I stare at our photo, yet you are not there.
I see you when I try to forget,
Yet I struggle to see you when I try to remember.
Then I look in my heart and I see that you are still there…

I was lucky that growing up, I never minded exams. For me they were a test of nerve, a test of your knowledge, a test of your mental strength. As the children around me get their latest exam results, I wonder whether grief is the ultimate exam to pass or fail?
E = Emotional strength. Can you understand and learn to live with the new emotions that flow through your body?
X = Cross to bear – how do you cope with being a widow/widower? How do you cope with ticking that box on a form, how do you cope with the …read more

This is a tough day for me, a day of love and knowing how much you miss them. I haven’t felt 100%, I have felt lacking in energy which no doubt is my heart needs some time. I understand that and I am not going to give myself a hard time for not being as productive as I could have been. I am a day dreamer and I spent a few minutes casting over the great memories. People say you can choose your attitude, well today I have tried hard. I have chosen not to think what I have lost …read more