I understand the reaction because people feel the pain of loss, they know that bereavement is awful and they also know that there are no words which can take away that sense of loss.

However, when you think about it widowhood has some good signs..

• It means you are one of the lucky people in the world who found their true love!
• It means that you understand much more about the world and the world of emotion.

When I think about it  – I would rather be a widow than someone who has never loved at all. But even as I write that…it makes me passionately want him back

Finally, if we are getting that reaction…maybe it is how we are saying the word. It is not a disease or something that we should be ashamed of…it is something happens, it is not our fault…it is not our curse….it is just a word.

Let’s be proud of having loved…

Post from: Widows Quest

I know that in so many ways I had defined myself by my relationship, so much so that I now struggle with knowing who I am. Funny really because my partner was someone who wasn’t controlling, he actually encouraged my independence.

I wonder whether my struggle to know who I am, is less about reality but more in my own perception? I feel loss, and loss in its own definition means something missing. Therefore I feel that something is missing in me. In reality though I am still me, I am still the person I have always been….it is the relationship, the person that I love that is missing.

So I feel part of grief is actually realising that you are still you, that you existed before falling in love and you exist after you have lost your love partner.

I think we need to distinguish the love we felt…that we feel even now…from who we are as a person. We need to trust in us, we need to trust in our personal qualities to deal with what life throws at us.

It is not about finding me again, it is about realising that ‘me’ still exists and always has done.

Post from: Widows Quest

Why am I excited?

Because I know you all understand grief, I know that we have shared hopes, shared pains, that we are sharing each others journey through that dark tunnel of pain to that day when we wake up and feel happiness again.

It does make you think about the power of sharing. Yet when you suffer death, you seem to not want to share….for me I think it was a reaction to sharing my love and then that being lost. You don’t want to share because you don’t feel people will understand….well not Friday, we will all understand and that is why I cannot wait to hear the voices of the Widows Quest Community.

[istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

” I will never give up hoping that one day that picture will change. I know it is the pain that is still holding my attention rather than the love that I know is deep inside”

Pain is such a powerful emotion that I have found it can change the pictures and even the feelings inside your body. However, I think it is important to realise that the pain is masking, probably because it is protecting your heart until it recovers. The grief we feel, maybe the waiting time between protecting our heart and allowing it to feel again ? That will happen, we just have to trust in the power of human nature.

[istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

I see you when I wake, yet you are not there.

I see you when I close my eyes, yet you are not there.

I see you when I stare at our photo, yet you are not there.

I see you when I try to forget,

Yet I struggle to see you when I try to remember.

Then I look in my heart and I see that you are still there…

Post from: Widows Quest

E = Emotional strength. Can you understand and learn to live with the new emotions that flow through your body?

X = Cross to bear – how do you cope with being a widow/widower? How do you cope with ticking that box on a form, how do you cope with the pain of lost love?The ultimate test of personal strength and courage.

A = Ability to bounce back from tragedy.What do they say….it is not what happens to you in this world, it is how you react?

M = Maintaining a positive outlook on this wonderful life despite the pain of grief and the feeling of loss and loneliness.

What got me through those exams as a youngster was understanding it needed hard work to pass them, it needed resilience and a self belief…..grief is like that too, no short cuts…just hard work and finding that self belief to believe that you will succeed.

[iStockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

Post from: Widows Quest