It struck me today how widows and widows are often searching for meaning to their new lives, how they suffer because of that search for real “meaning”…….and I suddenly realised the irony!
To be mean, is to be awful…..when we are searching for that meaning we can often be cruel to our own heart, mind and soul. We take them on a dark path, often depressive of nature in the hope that in the darkest moment we will find something bright…how ironic that the word mean has two such different definitions and yet so both true during the grief cycle.
Maybe we …read more

I looked in the mirror this morning and it made me think how our face shows our emotions. As you know I have had one of my roller coaster fortnights, I looked in the mirror and “reflected”
Once their was a smile, now there is resignation
Once their was a young woman full of life
Now there is a woman affected by death
Once there was a woman who lived to love
Now there is a woman afraid of loving.
Once there was a woman who looked full of hope
Now there was a woman in search of hope.
And yet,  once there was a woman who thought …read more

One day you are a loving spouse, the next you are on your own. One day you are one part of a couple, the next you are single. I think the hardest part is finding the real you again. Who are you? How do you find a way of thriving on your own?

Don’t be scared of being on your own to think. Use the time to think about YOU. One tip I was given was to write the speech you would want someone to make at your funeral, then create an action plan that brings that speech to reality.
Write down …read more

I think learning to love again, or learning to see that loving again is acceptable as a widow or widower after suffering a tragedy is the hardest thing. I remember a quote from Iris Murdoch who said
“We can only learn to love, by loving”
As widows or widowers we could change that to 
“We can only learn to love again, by loving again”
Grief is the end of one chapter of your life. It is not the end of loving. After all death has brought an end to the partnership but it has brought an end to t he love we feel …read more

Over the last few days I have just wanted to sleep – not great when you are trying to work! When I get home I curl up on the sofa and grab a couple of hours and then look forward to going to bed. There was a time I couldn’t sleep now I cannot get enough sleep.
At first I fought the feeling now I  have decided to listen to my body…if it wants to sleep then I am going to give it sleep. I think one thing we need to do is to learn that our body has a wonderful …read more

Each Sunday I post articles that will help us through our grief process and help us find a happiness that we may not feel at the moment is possible. Here are this weeks articles

Matthew Spears presents The flame of blame posted at Loving Awareness, saying, “By assigning responsibility to anyone or anything for a given result, you are assigning blame. It is the need to look for a cause for an experience that is the major factor in blame. So if you want to let go of the blaming process, you must let go of a need to assign responsibility.”

hkalchemy …read more

Over the months I have learned how important it is to talk to yourself…not in a mad way! But in a way that helps you cope with the feelings of grief and depression. When I am down I say

You ARE strong..look how you have coped since his death….
Just take each minute, each hour, each day at a time…
You will get through this moment, it is your heart just needing a little rest in its battle to cope…allow it a moment.
Tears are not a sign of weakness, tears are a sign of someone who has had the joy of loving
I cannot …read more

I met an old lady whilst travelling yesterday. She was 86 and said that her biggest hope is that she finds love…she had never fallen in love in her life. She had been very protected by her family, and then when she had left home all the “men were taken”
I told her my story and that I still miss him each day. She turned held my hand and said “Oh, I would never say that you have lost them. Loving is a special gift that not everyone enjoys….love is a gain, no matter if death breaks the relationship earlier than …read more

My friend phoned today, to say that her mother had passed away. Elsie was 88 years old and died peacefully. She was a wonderful lady who always had time for people, and wore an ever present sincere smile. The world will be poorer for Elsie dying but has been enriched by her life.
My love goes out to all her family and Elsie would be very proud of the dignity with which they have coped. Losing anyone is painful, no matter the age…..but losing a smile that used to make the world shine will mean one thing – we will all have …read more

We have our first Widows Quest reader’s poem. Tiffany Farnsworth has sent in this poem and she writes
“Here is a poem I wrote in 98′ after my Grandma died, I had written it for my Grandfather even though the roles were reversed in the poem. My Grandpa loved it very much and so do I, even though looking at it now some of the lines seem childish! 
-thanks for sharing this with us Tiffany, and as for childish, it is your feelings at the time, feelings are not childish.
One Ring 

By: Tiffany Farnsworth 98’ 

 
He got down on one knee
In his eyes the love I …read more