An unusual post today as I was prompted to write about this following an email which I received recently.
I have always said I feel lucky to have loved and talked a lot about the pain of losing that love and the greif that follows….but I was asked
“What do you think is worse…losing the love of your life through death or having the love of your life leave in this world?”
Gosh, that is a difficult one and first of I would say they are both grief….both are situations about loss.
I wonder what you all think ?
For me I actually think the …read more

I feel very lucky to have a wonderful mum. There is nothing like the unconditional love of a mother, no matter how many times I screw up, she is there just loving me for who I am…..and I think hoping I may learn from one or two of my mistakes!Anyway my mum sent me a fabulous email full of phrases to lighten your day and I thought that I would share some of them with you. Some of them made me smile, some made me think and others made me sit up and listen…..here are the phrases

“Heal the past, love …read more

We have some wonderful people in our Widows Quest community. One of those people is Leslie who has just moved into a new house, you can read her feelings in the comments to Grief Has Made Me Emotional.
I cried when I read her thoughts..why? Because I hate people hurting…I so wish that I had a magic bereavement wand that would take away all our pain.
But it made me think about how we emotionally attach to objects….mmmm…but then is it really the object that we attach to? In Leslie’s case it is a house, with me it is a jumper! But …read more

Last Friday we held our monthly widows support group on the internet and I have to say it was wonderful. On Friday I was not down but feeling a little numb, grief does that every now and again to you, but when I heard the voices of other widows suddenly I felt warmth, I felt energised, I suppose I felt …well, not alone!
So what did I take from the hour we spent talking about our grief, our fears and our hopes for the future?

The difficult balance we all face between holding on to memories and letting go of the past.
The …read more

The memory that remains so etched on my mind are those final hours, which I can understand. However, as widows and widowers we need to look past the pain so that the painful end to our shared life, doesn’t define our love. When you think about it, you will have been with your partner for years, months, weeks in which we shared laughs and love so intense. Yet we can lose all those happy times because of the pain of their death.
So the easy thing is to say remember the happier times…yet that brings pain too as you ache for …read more

Ever since I suffered my bereavement, I have had a mixed recollection of memories. Let me explain…
I can remember feelings, I can remember places, I can remember events and yet I cannot remember his face. The only memory that I have is that of him dying in the hospital, it is as though my mind has blocked out any other memories I have….I thought with time they would return and yet no….they remain elusive.
At first I hated it, I wanted to remember the smile, the face, they eyes….and now I wonder whether it is a good thing? The fact that …read more

I had a dream last night – well in the 20 minutes that I slept! – and although I can’t remember it, these words came to me over breakfast
There are days that seem so dark and so bare
Simply due to your smile not being there
I feel like giving in and letting the pain take me away
Then I realise what words you would say
You would smile and hold me close to your heart
And say “Love doesn’t die because we are apart
We were lucky to find each other and have no more tears
I will guide from above through all of your fears
And please don’t …read more

I realised that some of the post was missing from The Mixed Emotions of Grief which I have corrected – call it mid life crisis! But for those of you who missed it then here are the love and hate emotions that I feel – am I alone?
I love the fact we found each other
I hate the fact you were torn away
I love the fact that I got to feel real love
I hate the fact I long for that love again
I love the fact he came into my life
I hate the fact he left my life
I love my life
I hate …read more

I wonder if anyone else feels the same pangs of grief, the mix of love and hate in your feelings. For example
I love the fact we found each other
I hate the fact you were torn away
I love the fact that I got to feel real love
I hate the fact I long for that love again
I love the fact he came into my life
I hate the fact he left my life
I love my life
I hate my life
I love my memories
I hate the pain of memories

Do you know what I mean? But I suppose there is a thin line between love and …read more

I know that one of our readers had an anniversary yesterday and it would be great to know how she but here are my thoughts

Allow yourself to mourn. That may take different forms but if you want to cry then let yourself cry. We are trying to be strong and rebuild our lives and we are allowed to feel the pain of someone dying.
I try not to be alone as much as I want to be, I know that it will cause depression so I make sure that either a close friend comes round or I visit my mum.
When I am …read more