I often write how walking has helped me with my grief. Just being with nature helps, achieving the goal each day helps, the air on my face helps and also I meet people whilst I am out walking…

But I have just read this article that your Memory is Improved by 20% by Walking. Now I am not sure that some parts of my memory I want back….you know the ones that I mean - the pain, the loss etc but in terms of our future life then walking is a great health protector. It says that the study

“The results showed that people’s performance on the test improved by almost 20% after wandering amongst the trees. By comparison those subjected to a busy street did not reliably improve on the test.

In the second study participants weren’t even allowed to leave the lab but instead some stared at pictures of natural scenes while others looked at urban environments. The improvements weren’t quite as impressive as the first study, but, once again, the trees and fields beat the roads and lampposts.”

I suppose I am even more interested as Dad died of dementia and as everyone always says I am his double, I am already working on preventing dementia..

As time goes by from the death the memories I find become more and more intangible. One thing I have found is that if you can keep those memories alive, if you can keep those memories part of your life then it helps.

I have found that doing two things have helped me. I helped build a memorial in a garden, one that people could enjoy and reflected his life. For my dad I started blogging and podcasting about his ideas.

Somehow this kept the memories alive, it created a sense that they were still here helping the world as they would want. It took a little time before I could do this, but it also gave me a focus - a reason for living. That reason helped me through the dark days and through the enjoyment people got from them, helped me enjoy life again.

1. From the love that made you who you are….
2. From the desire to keep their memory alive….
3. From knowing that nothing, absolutely nothing, will bring them back..
4. From knowing that life is too precious to give away….
5. From seeing the pain of those around you, who want you to come through the pain….
6. From a life history of knowing that things will “look better in the morning!”
7. From focuing on what you can do rather than what you can’t change…
8. From knowing that they would want you to find a happiness….
9. From deep inside, from that personality that made them love you….
10. From knowing that giving up will feel no better!

[istockphoto]

Broken hearts are fragile, they have scars just like the cracks in a broken vase. When that vase breaks you can put it back together, you can glue the pieces…there will always be a thin crack that is visible to the world. However, that vase can still be beautiful, can still be precious. You learn to turn the vase so that people don’t see the break.

Broken hearts are just the same. There will always be the memory, however you can put your heart back together, through the glue of family, friends and a little self belief. A broken heart doesn’t mean that you can never love again, it just means that you need to learn to live with that breaking heart. To learn over time to move that crack from the front of your mind to the back of your mind - it is still there, just managed.

Broken hearts are an outcome of grief, of loving and losing…..they are a sign of something very special that has happened in our lives….this blog is hopefully part of that glue that will mend that break

 {photo from istockphoto}

Yesterday I wrote about What is the Meaning of Life? Today I am thinking that hope is such an important of finding that happiness in life

H= Having life goals that you strive for

O= Owning the thought that you are in control of your life and that you can define your own happiness

P= Putting an emphasis on the future. The past is memory and makes you who you are, the future is yours to create.

E= Expectations that are realistic and yet stretching. I think sometimes we can expect too much or even not enough. Getting the   balance is important in finding the happiness that we desire.

Again I throw it open…what do you think? What would you H.O.P.E acronym stand for?

I posted a while ago about Watching Someone Die and Gloria just posted a comment that touched my heart, the comment ended

“The one thing I walk away with is the knowledge that he was a great man, an unbelievable father and an undying love and trust for God. He will help me through this.”

It touched me because I still remember the last moments of my Dad’s life, I still   remember feeling guilty of waiting for him to go…he was in such pain and I didn’t want that for him, I wanted him to be at peace. I loved him so much not just for being my Dad, but also for his wonderful heart and ability to touch people’s lives. I have always felt that a huge part of my life must be carrying on his legacy, not because I have to but because I want to…. just like Gloria, I gain strength from from knowing that I am helping his views live on….his spirit is inside me.

I think that is one way that I coped with the grief, finding ways of ensuring his view of life lived on…indeed I said at his funeral

“…..If we are to honour his memory the way he would have wanted, let’s hope that all of us here can show the compassion he showed, make the time for our friends and family the way he did and hopefully that will be a fitting tribute to a man who brought so much love to the world”

Dad, if you can read blogs wherever you are….I hope Widows Quest shows that I try and live those values to keep your memory alive.