Is part of the grief process defining yourself without relying on others?
Often in the comments we talk about being a partner, mother, wife, husband…….all definitions of relationships of love. We rarely talk about just us  – as an individual, as a human being, as our own personality?
I am wondering whether coping with death is about renewing the relationship of love with yourself…we spend so much of our time loving others…do we forget how to love ourselves?
I think that is true for me….in the future I can only love, if I learn to love myself.
[Istockphoto]

At the weekend I posted an emotional letter – Can Anyone Help a Widow? – from a reader whose parent is struggling to come to terms with her grief. I thought about this long and hard as I want to help. I think my suggestion would be writing to her mother. At the moment, her mother needs closure, she cannot see a way forward without her husband. I think I would write and say something like
Mum,
I want you to know how much you mean to me, how much I love you. At the moment I spend the day thinking about …read more

A few days ago, I had a shock. Mum collapsed with no warning and although she is OK now it really sent the shivers down my spine. Having lost Dad, somehow I always feel that Mum will go on forever – her family is VERY long living (Her mother is almost 98 and still as strong as ever) – and suddenly I realised that no one lives forever.
It is so easy to start fear losing people and through that fear to start not taking the risk of getting close to people as you try and protect yourself from hurt. With …read more

I wanted to share a comment that Anne left on the blog this week. Her words are powerful and I am sure that we can all relate to them
“Grief has an effect on us and each one of us takes his/her own journey through that valley. People often say they feel so alone, and letting them see that they are surrounded by family ( who also grieve in their own way), is empowering. Emotions are raw and when someone dies in our family it reminds us that we are mortal and makes many anxious. It is a normal human reaction …read more

I am a member of the Yahoo Group for grief and someone posted this poem which I thought was beautiful and wanted to share with you all

Your Mother is always with you
She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street,
She’s the smell of certain foods you remember,
flowers you pick and perfume that she wore.
She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well.
She’s your breath in the air on a Cold winter’s day.
She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow.
She is Christmas morning. Your Mother …read more

I cam across the Dougy Center which helps children come to terms with grief. I particularly like their advice when it came to supporting children
“ Listen.
After a death, many children want to share their story. They may want to tell you what happened, where they were when they were told about the death, and what it was like for them. Telling their story is a healing experience. One of the best ways adults can help young grievers is to listen to their stories“
I believe that listening is one of the greatest gifts that we can give to people – as …read more

We all have those days when we just feel down. Somehow the days drag and we cannot motivate ourselves. Well here are 5 ways I try and beat the blues

I go for a walk and enjoy the life around me.
I go and get my hair done as a way of making myself feel better.
I play music around the house, all the time and sing a long!
I arrange to meet a friend for tea, just an hour but a friend that will make me smile.
I think of how I could make someone else’s day special – can I send a card …read more

I received an e-mail from a lady that lost her husband a couple of years ago, she has 3 children, all girls.
She wrote that she wants her children always to remember their dad and therefore has bought a locket each for her girls. She has placed a picture in each of their dad with them smiling and laughing.
What a lovely way to remember them….

I just received my card from mum. It has a beautiful verse and it made me think. Since we both have suffered loss, we value each other so much more. We had an uneasy relationship in some ways but since losing people, we realise that those stupid family issues just are not important. I promised Dad on his death bed that I would look after mum and I have tried every day to make her feel special and ensure that she knows how much I love her.
Loss is hard, loss brings regrets but a bonus is that it makes you …read more

My friend phoned today, to say that her mother had passed away. Elsie was 88 years old and died peacefully. She was a wonderful lady who always had time for people, and wore an ever present sincere smile. The world will be poorer for Elsie dying but has been enriched by her life.
My love goes out to all her family and Elsie would be very proud of the dignity with which they have coped. Losing anyone is painful, no matter the age…..but losing a smile that used to make the world shine will mean one thing – we will all have …read more