Oh dear I have slipped today, after such a good week – but hey isn’t that what grieving is all about?
This week is such a bad week for me I need to be in 3 places at once, most days and I am feeling totally out of control. I wish that I didn’t have to balance so many competing things….
When you get out of control, doesn’t it feel so depressing? You start to feel as though no one values YOU, that you seem to spend your life pleasing other people, accommodating other people…but who is there now for YOU? (Widows …read more

In grief there is this feeling of lacking control. Someone has taken the love of your life from you and thrown at you – money worries, loneliness, emptiness, lack of purpose, lack of energy etc
I remember feeling totally out of control and sensing that I didn’t know which way to turn. If I went out – I felt sad. If I stayed in  – I felt sad. I was suddenly one, or more specifically a two minus one. You know that feeling, the sense that although you are your own human being, part of your soul is missing. A couple …read more

This week I have had to be in three places at once, I have not slept more than five hours a night, my house is an absolute tip, money is tight and there is no one sat near me to hold me and say “Don’t worry I love you”
Now don’t worry I am OK, I just need an early night – I know there will be no problem sleeping tonight! – but earlier I just started to smile because when life seems as though it is out of control….sometimes the best thing is to take off the shoes, put on …read more

Yesterday I was determined not to feel sorry for myself, not to give in to those weekend feelings when I feel lonely and when my feelings seem out of control.
So I volunteered to help my best friend in her garden. Gosh it was hard work and after hours of weeding, digging, mowing, and clearing I felt great…why? Well, it is amazing how physical work gets the right positive chemicals flowing through your brain.
I have never really liked gardening and I think it helps it was not something we would have done together…it didn’t bring back old painful memories, it created …read more