Grief can take over your world and stop you from living your life. You are coping with the heartache, coping with the stress of a single life…and you end up living passively rather than seeking a great life or even achieving your dreams.

I realised that if we don’t grab life now, then death will grab us before we live those dreams…so here are some thoughts

Are you thinking about what you can do rather than what you can’t?

Are you thinking about your strengths rather than your weaknesses?

Are you thinking of setting personal goals or getting through the day?  

Are you thinking about what you gained from being in love or what you lost when they died?

Of course I understand that this sounds easy and it isn’t..but if we don’t try then we will never succeed..

I was touched by a recent comment on the blog from Naomi

“I have been a widow for six years this April22,2008,I moved to Texas and left all my family to start a new life. I am feeling depressed,I miss my family and am struggling financially. I have 2 teenagers,my daughter is 17 and my son is 15. I feel lonely and miss my husband,I’m not working but have a very good Church I am involved in. I am looking for a job. I have a lot of anxieties and fears……”

I think this comment is something that we all can relate to, we face death and all the anxieties and fears that go with the bereavement process. I believe that we need to address the fears head on…

• Accept that fears and anxieties are natural. They are not to be feared, they are there to say that we are human and once we accept that we can start addressing them.
• Remember that our brain is very clever. It talks to us constantly, therefore if we concentrate on the fears we will constantly be thinking negatively. We need to replace those fears with dreams and goals.
• To start the process think about what is important to you, what are your strengths, how can you build on those strengths, how can you spend your time at home and at work doing more of those strengths?
• Set yourself some goals. Short term to start with, but goals that will show you that you can achieve happiness, that you can start moving forward.
• Celebrate and talk to yourself about how good you feel when you achieve the goals. Again this is replacing the negative self talk with more positive thoughts.
• Then start to stretch from short term to medium term. This starts to give you things to look forward to…it may be a holiday to somewhere you have always dreamed of visiting…it may be building a memorial, it may be finding that job that you have always wanted to do…whatever is important to you.
• Surround yourself with friends and family who are positive thinkers, who reaffirm to you that you can achieve whatever you want to…..we may enjoy the people who indulge us, but in the long term we need people to help us think more positively about the future.

Anxiety is natural, fears will always be there. But you know often the fear is so much worse than reality. There really is nothing to fear but fear itself. The way to remove fear is to start taking small steps of action and showing to yourself you are capable of so much more than you believe you are….start today, by setting those goals and sharing them with us all.

As 2007 draws to an end we should all take a moment to say well done to ourselves. It way have been a tough year but we have got through it and shown our resilience to all the pain of bereavement. Tomorrow will not see the pain disappear but what it will do is give us the chance of seeing a new future. Tomorrow I will post about my personal hopes for 2008 and I would love you to share your thoughts with the   community.

Having goals, having ideas of how to create a future on our own or at least without the love of our lives, is so important. We can never lose the past but we can focus on the future and create a future that brings us comfort and joy.

When you lose someone, it makes you think differently about all your friendships/relationships.

G = Granted. I think that I took all relationships for granted…now I now the pain of doing that, I spend a portion of each day investing in showing others how much I care.

R = Realised how special human relationships are….I value the warmth of a relationship, the feeling of being needed and the feeling of loving and being loved.

I = Invest time in relationships. Modern life can be busy and we can forget the people closest to us…oh, I will ring tomorrow night, ah I will pop in next week, they will understand etc etc Now I invest in the relationships, I have a certain time on earth and I don’t want to leave this world without people knowing how much I cared about them.

E = Emotions. Before my bereavement I kept my emotions very much to myself….now I share my   thoughts. This has brought people closer, they admitted that they found me distant before…now they enjoy understanding how I am feeling….and I feel less isolated.

F = Families have their issues, their clashes, their differences…but they should never get in the way of the underlying love you have for each other. I have learned to respect the differences and love the closeness which was not there before losing Dad.

Life can be hard when you have lost someone close to you, grief means that you struggle to cope with depression and negative thoughts. So each Sunday I post articles that will help inspire us to take a positive view….tips on how to find happiness again

Dr Martin W. Russell presents A Foundation For Self Help posted at Dr Martin W. Russell.

bluskygirl presents How to Dig Yourself Out After Hitting Rock Bottom posted at Goddess, saying, “Everyone’s been at a place in there life where they’ve hit rock bottom. Sometimes it can be devastatingly hard to climb back out. Here are some tips for how to get started.”

Albert Foong presents 5 weeks to developing the magic of visualisation posted at Urban Monk, saying, “Visualization is a powerful tool for many areas of your personal growth. It trains your mind and your body. However, it is not as easy as many think it is, and there isn’t much proper information available. Even if we can do it, the question is – how do we best apply it?”

Alvin Soon presents The Only Real Use for Your Critical Voice posted at Life Coaches Blog.

edithyeung presents A Voice to Remember posted at Edith Yeung.Com: Dream. Think. Act..

Yazan Manasrah presents How to start your day on a positive note pt.1 posted at The Blasted Crossing, saying, “I’m very passionate about self improvement ever since I realized how important it is. It truly is one of the few important aspects in life.”

R.Pettinger presents 10 Powerful Ways to Deal with Anger posted at Sri Chinmoy Inspiration, saying, “How to deal with anger and avoid hurting yourself”

Daylle Deanna Schwartz presents Self-Empowerment Busters posted at Lessons from a Recovering DoorMat, saying, “Often we let old stereotypes and beliefs hold back our developement. Learning to think forward and make decisions based on your own well being allows your self-empowerment to flourish.”

Joann Ang presents Manifesting: Life Magick » Blog Archive » Manifesting Abundance posted at Life Magick: Manifesting your Desires like Magicksaying, “Manifest abundance through positive thinking & the law of attraction.”

Conan Stevens presents Spice Up Your Life posted at Conan Stevens Online, saying, “Don’t let a boring life get you down…”

Millionaire Mommy Next Door presents I Choose Happiness. Do You?posted at Millionaire Mommy Next Door, saying, “During a time in my life when I was struggling with intense emotional pain, I learned an invaluable and powerful life lesson: It isn’t circumstance that dictates whether I live a happy life — rather, it is a matter of choice. With practice, I developed a habit of feeling happy. Here’s how.”

Arlene Mei Pinpin presents On Times of Refreshing posted at Mind, Heart, and Mysteries, saying, “…That everyday is a new day and a new beginning. Our passions should shine from within us — let it refresh us from spiritual decay and heal us from torment.”

Laura Young presents The Road Home and Pilgrimages posted at Dragon Slayer, saying, “I am an able-bodied woman watching a man I love cope with the effects of 32 years of quadriplegia on his body. He’s been preparing me to lose him one day. At some point “preparing” becomes “prepared”. I have had to learn to trust myself to be able to handle this loss and to be worthy of his trust that I will not abandon him on the road ahead.”

Warren Wong presents How To Pull An All Nighter posted at Personal Development for INTJs, saying, “Do you need to pull an all nighter? Here’s some tips to do it effectively!”

Tupelo Kenyon presents Goal Setting or Let Go and Let God posted at Tupelo Kenyon, saying, “There are two approaches people use to manifest their desires. Some set goals. Others surrender and presume the universe is conspiring to deliver to them their every desire without strain, in its own way and in its own time. Which way is better? Can these two methods be used together? ”

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our
carnival submission form.

At the start of January I resolved that I wanted to lose the weight that I had put on and regain control in my life. A fellow blogger who I had never met decided to join me and we are posting about our journey at Middle Age Shed. Up to now I have lost 14lbs and feeling so much better….it hasn’t taken away the grief but it is helping to build my self confidence back. We are having so much fun - we talk twice a week on the phone, tape it and publish the podcast .

Another friend created the superb graphic for the podcast.

What this has done in such a simple way is give me a focus, a goal and opened up a positive friendship that is helping to heal my broken heart.

Is there a personal goal that you could work on with someone to help bring some fun back into your life?